WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In some post about something or other, a potential human called “Bill” tapped out a comment so weird and confusing that we cannot figure out if he’s a libtard or a wingnut or what! Of course he thinks Wonkette is a “she,” which is pretty normal for these drive-bys, but he gets the Invisible Trophy anyway, because he drove the conversation, off a four-foot cliff, into a cat box. MORE »

THE GLOBAL INTERNATIONALIST: “We all share this warm, level, heavily peopled planet, although of course we do not actually share it.” [True/Slant]

MSNBC analyst Patrick “Pat” Buchanan hates Michelle Obama because she didn’t specifically say “church” in her speech last night. Apparently, the OPENING PRAYER and CLOSING BENEDICTION to Jesus at the convention weren’t enough to prove to Average Americans that Democrats don’t worship a cat’s asshole. [YouTube]