• JIM DEMINT IS THE REAL MISS SOUTH CAROLINA: South Carolina Senator Jim DeMint has written a new book about Hitler/Obama and the Iran and, uh, the South American countries and like such as: “Part of what we’re trying to do in ‘Saving Freedom’ is just show that where we are, we’re about where Germany was before World War II where they became a social democracy. You still had votes but the votes were just power grabs like you see in Iran, and other places in South America, like Chavez is running down in Venezuela.” Hmm, we’ll wait for this one to come out on DVD. [Washington Independent via Washington Monthly]

• Barack Obama and Bundesrepublik Deutschland Wurstdame Angela Merkel had an awkward relationship in the ’80s, but now they are willing to put the past behind them and cut a deal. Prediction: Merkel gets AIG and Obama gets to massage Merkel’s muscular shoulders. It is peace for our time. [HuffPost]
• The Mystery of Reducing Health Care Costs was simplicity itself: elementary, really. “Why, Holmes,” chirped Watson, “did Obama kill all the old people to save money?” Indubitably, my dear Watson. Indubitably. [RedState]
• How many marijuana cigarettes does Barack Obama smoke in the Oval Office every day? Trick question! He rips bong. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Sen. Sam Brownback (R-KS) is now the third Republican to state publicly that he will vote NO on Sotomayor, no matter what. But if he had been the FOURTH Republican he would have won the toaster oven! [Think Progress]
• On July 4, Barack Obama will be savoring deep-fried Dijon-infused Bolivian Revolution Burgers with Hugo Chávez. And Evo Morales might stop by later, with an eighth of his famous Inca Herb. [Michelle Malkin]

Here’s some terrifying news: While the U.S. media was focused on the very important subject of some fat wingnuts having teabagging protests in America, President Barack Obama was headed to Mexico — and on the night of April 16, he attended a fancy dinner at Mexico City’s famous Museo Nacional de Antropología, where noted archeologist and museum director Felipe Solís Olguín showed the U.S. president around, and they presumably shook hands and talked, without the protection of surgical masks. A few days later, Solís was dead of pneumonia. MORE »

There’s a lovely amount of right-wing hysteria on the Internets today regarding this weekend’s news that Barack Obama shook Hugo Chavez’s hand and talked to him for a bit at their little Mexican summit last week. This proved again that Barack Obama has no idea what kind of a person Hugo Chavez is; he has just thrown away the entirety of American power. He is Jimmy Carter with a juicebox. Well! Enjoy this Fox News clip, where Col. Ralph Peters describes “all” of the “embracing and fist-bumping and making lovey-dovey in the hotel and god-knows-what-else behind closed doors” fantasy sex. [YouTube]

Libtards are giggling like rich schoolgirls on acid over this one. Along the lines of, JOHN MCCAIN DOES NOT KNOW THAT VENEZUELA ISN’T IN THE MIDDLE EAST! Can you even believe it oh my god blah blah blah. Whatever. They can enjoy getting ulcers over John McCain’s poor choice of conjunctions or adjectives such as “other.” [Ben Smith]

Here’s Idaho Senior Senator Larry Craig describing a handjob he gave Hugo Chavez gayly saying we can’t let foreign dictators “jerk us around by the gas nozzle” doing both of the things we’ve crossed out. Note the flailing hands. [TPM]

Here is the Absolut vodka ad that is Controversial for appealing to Mexicans, who want to take back the western United States (officially) in their perfect world. Well boo hoo. Look at the upside: Absolut also wants to squash Venezuela’s Hugo Chavez while simultaneously bottle-fucking Puerto Rico. [LA Times]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi’s been a gal-on-the-go, a veritable Mary Tyler Moore of the diplotaunte circuit. She traipsed from Switzerland to Germany and then all the way to Colombia and back again. More importantly, using advanced Wonkette Shoe Identification Technology, we can reveal the shocking news that Madame Secretary has shifted her footwear allegiance from Ferragamo to Manolo. All this, Oliver North, and Robert Novak’s wistful dreams of a Condi vice presidency … after the jump!

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• Reliable Source: Miley Cyrus can’t enjoy a steak in peace… The Supreme Court Justices go out together, walk in single file… Hugo Chavez takes Naomi Campbell to the gun show. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Tim Robbins and Susan Sarandon traipse around New Hampshire for John Edwards… Apparently that’s what it takes to get Matt Lauer’s attention. [Examiner]
• Shenanigans: She may have made Hillary Clinton cry, but Marianne Pernold Young is voting for Obama. [Politico]
• Page Six: Norman Mailer got Tina Brown her green card… Lou Dobbs screams and cries when he doesn’t get his way. [NYP]
• Rush & Molloy: There is much attention paid to Sascha Baron Cohen’s penis. [NYDN]
• Fishbowl DC: Howard Kurtz doesn’t think Benzair Bhutto’s chances of winning her election are very good… All roads lead to Politico… Rick Klein got carded 10 years too late… Brian Williams says reporters are falling in love with Barrack Obama. [Media Bistro]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Listicles, of course, are the year-end gift writers give themselves. But you know what? It’s been such a peculiar year for the Condibot that it would be totally criminal not to look back and reflect on its thrilling awkwardness. Join me on an epic journey through my personal (hey, get your own column!) favorite special moments in Dr. Ferragamo’s 2007, and my picks for AP’s Condirazzi photos of the year, after the jump…

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To distract from his crushing defeat in the referendum this weekend, Hugo Chavez decided to reveal the surprise ending of the upcoming film National Treasure: Book of Secrets, the trailers for which keep talking about a “secret” book that the Presidents have. Who knew it was written by Bill Clinton? [Washington Post, IMDB]