Wonkette

Oh no, the Huffington Post is using a late-90s software that writes its e-mail text in Latin! We knew this all along — they have been plagiarizing Augustus Caesar, the first black president (according to Toni Morrison). Thank you to 900 people who forwarded this! Who knew that so many people subscribed to the Huffington Post’s “Off The Bus” newsletter?

Al Gore’s endorsement may or may not ever happen. The Iraq War may go on forever. The economy is broken. However, Roseanne Barr wrote something about Barack Obama today:

How will Obama handle his Jewish problem? He has to pander to the pro Zionist Jews of America and at the same time talk about dismantling support for Israel in order to appeal to his “progressive” followers. How he handles this one is very telling about his “judgment”. He just refused to condemn Israel for ghettoizing the Palestinians. Who is he really?

Yes, Roseanne Arnold. We know that he’s a Muslim. We’re not stupid. [HuffPo]

Failed presidential candidate and Barry supporter John Kerry ripped the Clintons Monday for their “petty” hints at Obama’s past drug usage. In an interview with the HuffPo website, Frankenstein notes: “That kind of discussion… from a campaign where the former president made famous the words ‘I did not inhale’ is to make something an issue that they themselves acknowledged shouldn’t be.” But John, did you hear that Obama is black? [HuffPo]

HuffPo reported late yesterday afternoon that William Kristol — the glib neocon editor of the Weekly Standard and founder of the Project for the New American Century, in addition to his active work the last seven years helping the Bush Administration work out the particulars of destroying the world — will be a columnist for the New York Times in 2008. It’s not that the current op-ed columnists are any great shakes, but if you’re looking for a litany of reasons to cancel that print subscription you’re still stubbornly holding onto, I recommend this, this and this, for starters. Just wanted to pass the news along in case you haven’t banged your head against the wall today. [HuffPo]

Here’s something awkward: guess who has detailed knowledge of anything and everything the Clintons have done, including where they have been and who they have met with 24 hours a day, seven days a week, for the past 15 years? The one, the only Michael Chertoff! Not to worry though. It’s not like he played any kind of prosecutorial role in the Whitewater investigations or anything. MORE »

Mike Huckabee’s cocky ass appeared on MSNBC’s Morning Joe this morning to talk about his and Romney’s religion, as well as the recent HuffPo report on Huckabee’s role (active!) in releasing an Arkansas rapist from prison and then watching as he raped more people. On religion, he blabs for a little bit; On the accusations — as shown above– he calls HuffPo a lying sack of Internet crapola.

Senate stalker and political blogger Bob Geiger, writing for HuffPo today, offered Sen. Chris Dodd a lengthy endorsement for the Democratic nomination. This makes him the third or fourth person EVER to do that, by our calculations. But what about the Connecticut middler appeals so much to Geiger’s discriminating palette? Not really sure. What, do you think we’d actually read this whole thing? It’s like 942 paragraphs. From what we gathered, however, Geiger is impressed by Dodd’s pledge to leave Iraq by 2013. And he thinks that “this is what real leadership looks like.” Plus some other stuff. You try finishing it!

A Time For True Leadership: Chris Dodd For President [HuffPo]

Ann Coulter, who hates all gay people because they’re all Muslim, was spotted eating last night at LA’s Murano — a new restaurant owned by three of those homersexuals! HuffPo’s Rick Jacobs sat near her and presumably her Jewish liberal boyfriend and wrote like six million words about it today. Basic summary for our purposes: Ann Coulter is a faggot.

Ann Coulter: On the Gay Circuit in West Hollywood [HuffPo]

You know, Mike Huckabee’s not all that bad. Guy likes improving public health, cancer research, being fiscally… good…. Whatever. He’s just adorable sometimes, is the point. But about once a week he throws out a dark, bitter or stupid line — probably all psychological relics from his repressed history as a fattie. Last week, for example, he made a joke on MSNBC about how Fred Thompson, Rudy Giuliani et al. should slit their wrists because of inflated P/E ratios or something. Now, as HuffPo’s “Off the Bus” blogger Mike Caulfield reports, Huckabee has asked a group in New Hampshire (video above) why we encourage people to have safe sex rather than stay abstinent, especially when there’s an AIDS out there! MORE »

Jimmy Carter apparently traveled to Sudan recently to meet with President Omar Hassan al-Bashir (isn’t he too old to be traveling so far? Do they have McDonald’s there?) and ask him to please stop killing so many people in Darfur. He went with Nelson Mandela and some other “elder statesmen” and made al-Bashir sign a pledge or something and gave them $300 million to clean everything up. And now Mia Farrow is pissed!

MORE »

It’s been an exciting week in hating The Note. To recap:

• Dan Froomkin kicked things off on the 7th with a denial that he’s in the gang of 500 and a terse take-down of our “increasingly impenetrable, uninsightful and turgid” friends at the Political Unit.

• Then the Washington Monthly published an excerpt from Eric Boehlert’s book. The piece is a fun collection of The Note’s pet stories that, despite their best efforts, amounted to nothing. Remember the David Rosen story? No?
• HuffPo’s Rachel Sklar, friend of Wonkette, picks up trail and attacks them where it hurts: right in their stupid daily email blast.
• And our too-rich-and-too-thin New York sister learns, finally, of the pain we suffer every day. And we Note: Why the hell have ABC publicists started sending out obtuse excerpts from the Note without explanation? They’re not newsworthy, and, quite often, they’re lies. Anyone care to explain that?

After the jump, we’ll decode today’s Note.

MORE »

• Who is Muhammed Shahwani, how has he kept his job as head of Iraqi intelligence despite 2 changes of government? Maybe because the CIA funded his agency. [The Plank]

• Iraq and Afganistan Veterans ask Rep. Curt Weldon to stop pissing on the troops. [Eschaton]
• Andrew Sullivan looks ahead to this week’s anniversary of the hangings of two gay Iranian teens. Asks human rights groups to remind us “of the remaining evil of Islamist tyranny, and the daily toll it takes on so many, especially women and gay men.” [Andrew Sullivan]
• HuffPo disses WashPo’s Editorials on net neutrality, Iraq: “If there is credible evidence that al-Zarqawi personally masterminded the UN bombing and the massacre of Shi’ite worshippers, the Post should cite it. Otherwise, it should have learned its lesson about repeating Administration talking points without verification.” [HuffPo]

“No, Dominic, I said gold. I want a gold frame. Yeah, with a sort of blue-gray matte. Can we draw a penis on his forehead with a Sharpie? All right, that one’s just for us.” MORE »