Press level, Pepsi Center, 2 p.m. “Mountain Time.”

• If John McCain were tortured, that would mean opening up a freezing, dark can of sexually humiliated and sleep-deprived worms. [Andrew Sullivan]
• John McCain is the President of house pets. [The Corner]
• Howard Dean stress eats M&Ms at an airport Holiday Inn. [Yeas and Nays]
• Age-inflation victim John McCain is actually middle-aged,
  which is why his chief economic adviser wants everyone to work until
  they are 142, or dead. [Democracy in America]
• Rev. Wright’s half-real new book will just be about the boring history of Obama’s Muslim Church. [Top of the Ticket]
• Obama caught a luxurious cold in the resort town of Hawaii and is trying to infect New Mexico. [Ben Smith]

EPIC FAILZ: Some DNC factotum just sent Wonkette a link to “Howard Dean’s refutation of the NYT assertions about the Democratic Convention shaping up to be a ‘disaster.’” The link didn’t work. ONE HOUR LATER: Now it works!

• HOWARD DEAN MADE A FUNNY: “‘Wait until Schumer stops talking,’ Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid suggested to Dean. ‘That’ll be a long wait,’ Dean replied.” [Washington Post]

A very small outrage we ignored on Friday had to do with the Democratic National Committee’s Director of Research, Mike Gehrke, making dumb “John McCain is old” jokes on this “Twitter” web thing. Who doesn’t make jokes about McCain’s advanced age, right? But today, we are amused, because somebody sent us this screencap of another damning “Twitter” that (allegedly) shows the same Gehrke guy now implying that Charlie Gibson will sing a whimsical song about fucking John McCain. Also, “doring.” That is how he spells doing … or during. Also: Dolphin furry avatar.

Vermont Senator Patrick Leahy, an Obama Guy, today called for Hillary Clinton to drop out of the race and support Barack Obama. He is the first major superdelegate to declare this publicly. And earlier this morning, Howard Dean urged the uncommitted superdelegates to make their preferences public. Unless Hillary gets all of the uncommitted superdelegates, and then steals other delegates, she will have officially lost. But does Howard Dean have a plan for the 150,000 Hessian mercenaries that Hillary has employed for her last-resort military coup? [LA Times]

This week, George Will, Howard Dean, Fred Barnes and James Carville were all spotted being various degrees of “famous for D.C.” at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »

Howard Dean never became president, but now he might be able to pick one! He said yesterday that the DNC would like to have a nominee by mid-March or April. But he will NOT have him some kind of brokered convention if that doesn’t work. Oh yes, he went there: an “arrangement” might be in order. MORE »

Al Gore is the only big establishment Democrat of any import to withhold his endorsement at this point. That’s because he’s not a big establishment Democrat, actually — he is a veritable Jesus, and he’s above this “Politics.” How many Nobels has “Politics” won? Exactly. Some thought the Kennedys’ adoption of Barry Obama would give Gore what he needed to endorse him as well, but his advisers say he genuinely does not care about endorsing anyone. Oh, Al, what do you have to lose? That early endorsement of Howard Dean in 2004 wasn’t embarrassing at all. [Marc Ambinder]

Uh, that was the break? Was that even two minutes? What about the old people who need a little time to use the facilities? What about your editor who can see the liquor store from his window? Anyway, here we are, solving America’s problems, around the old mill table. MORE »

After more than a year of this endless 2008 campaign, we’ve finally got a debate with the claws out. This South Carolina audience is getting a first-hand up-close answer to the question, “Can Hillary kill people with her words?” See here for Part One, and let’s get dirty with Part Two. MORE »