Wonkette

Wow, are we back in South Carolina again? And we’re going to be talking about race and the racial issues, is that right? Of course, that was the supposed subject of the last Dem debate, too. But that was in Nevada, and everybody knows teevee signals can’t reach from Nevada to South Carolina. So let’s do it again! MORE »

Are the Paultards taking their cues from the ultimate Internetardation forebearers — the rabid supporters of Howard Dean? This link appears undeniable, at least regarding blimps. Maybe you all heard about this back in ‘03, ‘04 — I sure as hell didn’t, thank god — but Dean’s online supporters once tried to launch a blimp of their own, for all the same Paultarded reasons. Suddenly, the Internet is making a lot more sense. MORE »

George Clooney, the Farsi-speaking rogue federal agent who killed a Saudi prince in either real life or the movie Syriana (forget which), came to our Washingtons over the weekend to film his new movie, Burn After Reading. It’s so fun when a famous person comes to DC! All we have here usually are Joe Schmoes like the President and Congress. MORE »

* “If they fuck with me or Shaha, I have enough on them to fuck them too.” [Guardian]
* Howard Dean gets sued over one little “holding his ankles” joke. [No Agenda]
* Marine Corps gets underage soldiers blackout drunk, wakes them up in Anbar. [Hit & Run]
* Fred Thompson wants to send Michael Moore to a Cuban torture chamber. [Breitbart]
* Ric Keller puts suckas in tears. [Central Florida Political Pulse]

Paul Bremer gets chicks by saying he’ll do to them what he did to Iraq, John Boehner wants to learn the technique, Michele Bachmann might have already, Ricky Martin’s feeling gay, Teri Hatcher seems to be alive, and bon soir to leftist cartoon Howard Dean.

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Drunken stumblebum Joe Lieberman gets caught in the March madness, Chris Matthews reminds us how much he loves titties, Howard Dean sustains the planet, and the arrows you see are provided by a Wonkette operative who proves once again that Nicolas Cage has never met a shitty fucking awesome movie he didn’t want to be in. So, sit back, chill out, and wait for Wonk’d, which is coming directly.

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* Jim Jeffords stole Walnuts! maverick thunder in 2001 and never gave it back. [QandO]
* Diane Feinstein: so many fuckups to distance herself from, so little time. [World Net Daily]
* Army happy to accept freshly-inked killers the Marines have rejected. [Vodka Pundit]
* James Inhofe hates U2 as much as you do. [C&L]
* Rudy took down Judy the first night. [Hotline on Call]
* Predictable Iowa voters go for the whitest candidate with a cock. [MoJo]
* New jib-jab cartoon that debuted at last night’s radio/teevee dinner. [jibjab]
* Howard Dean is less of a prick than before. Hazzzzzzzzzzah! [Roll Call]

* Heard on the Hill: JOHN KYL DOESN’T HAVE A BLACKBERRY! … Louie Gohmert zinged Steny Hoyer something fierce with a Murtha crack… Buncha Republicans planning on having fundraisers at The Who’s March 8 concert. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Madame Tussauds to open DC wax museum, still trying to find Al Gore’s head. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: College Republicans at CPAC fairly well behaved, did sneak a little alcohol in… CPAC DJ reveals pres candidates music choices… Mitt Romney dolphin dude was treated real nice by Romney staffers… Rudy was allowed to talk as long as he wanted, unlike everyone else at CPAC. [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: Bob Gates held his first Defense Sec press conference around a big table… Howard Dean and Mel Martinez to meet to make sure New Hampshire primaries are first… Bob Mueller starting an FBI book club. [USN&WR]
* Page Six: Ron Burkle, Bono, Jay-Z, and Bill Clinton had the weirdest dinner ever at the Spotted Pig. [NYP]

This week’s Wonk’d features everyone you love to hate: Tom Delay putting giant brown things in his mouth, Anne Coulter taking some good meat, Lynne Cheney staying safe under a brand new helmet, and Rick Santorum just being the whack otis he usually is. If you’d like a lighter mood for Friday afternoon, you’ll also get Howard Dean’s charming cab habit and Martin Sheen in DC for real and not just in your heart. All these lovely tidbits, plus a sign from God that Ralph Nader should probably hang up his wagging finger of shame.

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* Heard on the Hill: “On Friday afternoon, Capitol Police put out an all-points bulletin indicating that ‘multiple individuals were harassing or being too forward with Sen. [Barack] Obama (D-Ill.)’ inside the Hart Senate Office Building.” … The first 100 hours were neither first nor 100 hours… Senate still lazy, not working 5 day weeks. [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Famous women who’ve done famous things are approvingly listed and described. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: FDR’s car auctioned, fetches less than a NAZI CAR… Moby was here. He dislikes DC, which should cheer up Washingtonians. Also, Alexandra Pelosi calls him “Baby Mo.” [Examiner]
* Washington Whispers: New DCCC head is trying to be BFF with DNC head Howard Dean… Michael Chertoff picked Beta over VHS. [USN&WR]