George W. Bush did indeed buy a house for himself and his wife Laura and his two rat dogs as well! It is in the rich area of Dallas, which is probably a suburb! Look! MORE »

Can you even believe this George Bush. While all of you people and everyone else are having your homes foreclosed by the Subprimes, PRESIDENT MONEYBAGS over here and his smoker wife “Laura” are going to *buy* a home, to *live* in. “Laura Bush confirmed that she and the President are buying a house in Dallas, about two hours from his beloved Prairie Chapel Ranch in Crawford, Texas.” Superfluous! MORE »

Everybody knows that poor old John McCain owns so many wonderful luxury homes in Arizona and California and Communist France that he literally has no idea how many wonderful luxury homes he owns — after all, that’s Cindy’s accounting firm’s job, counting up the stuff! But a shocking new study reveals that likely McCain running mate Mitt Romney literally owns fifty-five houses. MORE »

The DNC has sent us this lovely map of John McCain’s houses and airplanes and gnome slaves. Since they’ve made it terribly unreadable, you may view it full size in right here. But to the point: this is devastating you see! Because most of his properties are “condominiums,” a fancy rich word that the well-to-do use when referring to what common folks call “apartments.” And can you even believe this Fun Fact that one of McCain’s “condos” — that is rich slang for “condominiums” — has a concierge, a French word meaning, “house slave who shows rich people the least congested route to the airport during rush hour.”

This thing about John McCain’s houses is too good. John McCain cannot remember how many houses he owns, because he doesn’t really own any, because his wife inherited most of them. You know, his wife, Cindy — the same Cindy whose father bought WALNUTS! a seat in Congress as a wedding gift. John McCain’s life has been so kooky! And that’s why his campaign released a comical statement today in response to Obama’s “Seven Houses” ad. It is, how shall we say, loaded? MORE »

OK, now that thing Peggy Noonan wrote about Tim Kaine’s hair makes sense. But that is not the point! The point is Tim Kaine made a crack about how John McCain can’t count very high, because John McCain is a rich man who makes his wife’s slaves do his counting for him. [YouTube]

It’s easy to forget that some other guy was president before the McCain/Obama joint rulership of America began. The other guy’s name was “George Bush,” and he flew around the world dancing with the natives and bombing nonexistent nuke installations. But now that Dick Cheney has tired of operating the chip in his brain, George Bush needs a new place to live, so he has dispatched his wife to investigate every cavernous tacky 7,000-square-foot limestone piece of shit in the greater Dallas area. Let’s explore the possibilities, together. MORE »

The heartbreaking message of this Washingtonian item is that journalists who marry each other are doomed to sell their ramshackle houses for only $1.75 million, but reporters who “marry up” can buy $2.95-million houses. MORE »