Wonkette

• THIS WILL TURN OUT WELL: House Republicans would have to win back 19 seats in November to “Reclaim Our Majority,” which is why Roy Blunt’s big plan is to back exactly two GOP challengers. [TPM Election Central]

Now that a gallon of gas costs approximately “go fuck yourself” dollars across the nation, the United States House of Representatives is saving the middle class again by introducing legislation that is not only a waste of all human resources, but actually mocks America by romanticizing something which no one can afford. Three cheers to Rep. John Shimkus (R-Ill.) for his “National Corvette Day” bill, for its deserved praise of the “dependence on insanely expensive foreign oil” concept. You may read the bill after the jump, if you can afford it. MORE »

Holy crap, did you know there’s a Republican Congressman named “Thad McCotter”? That was the actual name of every Congressman to serve before 1900. But the McCotter Who Survived, here, is a wonderful educator, too! Look at him explain, on the House floor, and with a ruler, the art of “Speaking Democrat.” He proves that in the Democrat tongue, “DIPLOMACY = MAGIC.” The Democrats are Harry Potter and his wizard friends! Another favorite: “GOVERNMENT = SOCIALISM,” which is a step up from Marxism at least. Teach us more! THAD = RAD. [YouTube]

Alaska’s corrupt congressman-for-life Don Young is well known for his insane outbursts and being investigated by the Feds for being a bribe-taking crook, but did you know his wife is notorious for torturing her husband’s interns with weird foods? MORE »

The saddest part about Tim Russert’s death last Friday was not that he was young. It’s that he never got to stick it to those damn liberal tree-fuckers who don’t want to drill America’s coasts for sweet, sweet Texas Tea! Such was the extrapolation of Rep. Darrell Issa (R-CA) yesterday on the House floor. Do those elite big city fairies think that “Lil’ Russ” liked paying $5 a gallon for gas? He definitely did not! And while we’re at it, how can those Democrats go around killing babies when Tim Russert is also dead? [Think Progress, YouTube]

• WILL HE WEAR HIS ‘GOOD PANTS’?: “McClellan will testify publicly and under oath before the House Judiciary Committee on June 20 about the White House’s role in the leak and its response, his attorneys, Michael and Jane Tigar, said on Monday.” White House lawsuit in 3… 2… 1… [AP]

Now the thing about Scott McClellan is that he’s terrible, with his book, and he now may have tragically reopened the Valerie Plame “Plamegate” saga anew. John Conyers & Palz on the House Judiciary Committee are open to hearing McClellan’s testimony, meaning the White House will have to somehow stop him from testifying, meaning frozen royal press secretary Dana Perino had to give reporters some inadvertent “legal comedy” today, meaning ha ha, OH GOD. MORE »

The AP has just called the special election in Mississippi Congressional District 1 for Democrat Travis Childers, who said… oh Hell, he said plenty. Folks, that is Northern Missisippi, an intensely conservative district, just as Louisiana’s 6th was. Don’t get too worried about John McCain just yet, or ever. [AP/Clarion-Ledger]

Screw HITLERY ROD-SHAM CLINTON and B’IRAQ HUSSEIN OSAMA, the biggest election tonight is in Mississippi Congressional District Numero Uno, between Republican Greg Davis and Democrat Travis Childers, who said nothing. Wait, what’s that? Travis Childers stopped being a mute, finally? Yes He Did, with this mailer he’s been sending out attacking Davis. Davis, you see, wanted to honor the founder of the KKK with a big old racist statue, and the black gal pictured here wasn’t so thrilled about that. Congrats, Childers, and good luck! [TPM Election Central]

What is our magical Congress up to these days? Yesterday, they had just voted on House Resolution 1113, “Celebrating the role of mothers in the United States and supporting the goals and ideals of Mother’s Day.” That’s a very nice thing to do, celebrating the strategic “goals and ideals” of Hallmark this way. Then, however, some Republican asked to reconsider the vote, and 178 Republicans voted against it — including the bill’s sponsor. Was this just some procedural move, to delay the Democratic leadership’s agenda? The “cynics” might say that. In truth, House Republicans just hate your mothers for producing you. [Washington Post]