Who’s someone people like? The Sullenberger guy, Chesley B. Sully Sullenberger, who became famous for not crashing an airplane last summer or whenever it was. Anyway, coincidentally, you know who the Republicans decided would make a great new congressman from California? So reports The Hill, with signature Cheeky Juxtaposition: “Republicans hoped the hero who saved all 155 of his flight’s passengers and crew by landing in the Hudson could help them retake a seat that long had been in the GOP’s control.” MORE »

Here is overrated piece of performance art Michele Bachmann suggesting on the House floor last night that, you know actually, if you look at the first letter of the first word on each even-numbered page of the latest iteration of the Democrats’ health care bill, it spells out the following: “CHILDREN, TEENAGE CHILDREN, COULD BE HAVING SEX WITH DRUG PEOPLE AND GETTING ABORTIONS FIVE MINUTES LATER, AND REPEATING THESE UNCOUTH SEX TRICKS AD VITAM AETERNAM, AND YOU WOULD BE NONE THE WISER.” It’s true! MORE »

Time is running out but there is enough time—but like barely though—to fill you in on what you need to know on a need-to-know basis: The House Republicans have formed a committee. It is called the “GOP ACORN Rapid Response Committee” or “GOPACORNRRCmte,” although it probably has a secret code name. There’s no time to speculate about what the secret code name may be. Its members include the crucial Representatives Patrick McHenry, Darrell Issa, and Michele Bachmann. The aims of said committee include: MORE »

• ROAD TO RECOVERY: Oh golly, those sasspants over at Roll Call: “House Republicans presented a four-page outline of their health care reform plan Wednesday but said they didn’t know yet how much it would cost, how they would pay for it and how many of the nearly 50 million Americans without insurance would be covered by it.” [Roll Call]

Republican Congressman Pete Hoekstra’s hiding under his desk in the dark, smoky House chamber, chewing on some rocks. It’s 2008. The boys are locked in, demanding their freedom, their birthright, to pass insane offshore drilling legislation during a Congressional vacation. Mean old Nancy Pelosi and a few other Democrat Socialists hover overhead in pods, firing mortars and dropping paint cans of napalm, everywhere, to suppress the revolt… but they must keep fighting, because Andrew Sullivan wants them to or whatever. [Twitter]

• The only people that like Obama at all anymore are a bunch of lazy illegals who wish they had jobs, and who, instead of just getting a job at a car plant or a Sam Goody (Not Bankrupt Yet! ™), hope that Obama can “create” jobs. Right. [RedState]
• Chuck Schumer will reprogram his new intern, Kirsten Gillibrand, as he pleases. He will start with her, hmm let’s see, political identifications and belief system. That should do it. [Ben Smith]
• About a dozen House Republicans are headed to Rahm Emanuel’s house tonight. House Republicans are known for their love of Kosher food. [CNN Political Ticker]
• When Obama took over Whitehouse.gov, he has prevented presidential historians from accessing such information of import as a video of First Dog Barney scurrying around Michael Phelps to the tune of “Ripple.” This is not change.gov we can believe in. [Daily Kos]
• Obama is secretly planning on giving the entirety of the stimulus bill to his old friends The ACORNs. [The Corner]

This is one of the 500 e-mails sent by some committee associated with House Minority Whip Roy Blunt every fucking day. This time we opened it and it was actually quite funny, so maybe we should do that more often. There are at least 12 jokes involving puns, acronyms, gayness and fire in this, and each is funnier than anything a Democrat has ever said. [Republican Whip]

We triple dog dare you to watch this piece of cinema on the front page of the House Republican Conference’s website. If they get nothing else out of the final FISA bill, House Republicans intend to finally render fiction writing useless. [GOP.gov]

Well, kids, it was fun while it lasted. Thanks to all the readers who pointed out our mistake to us. Sorry about that — we’re new in town! MORE »

Things have “perked up” a lot since we complained about having nothing to blog about. Mr. Abramoff, is that a new House Majority Leader you have in your pocket — or are you just happy to see us? MORE »

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