Tag Archives: house of representatives

  Tell Me Your Dreams

Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t

Wrong Kirk? Whatever.
Illinois Senator Mark Kirk has a wee bit of advice to his party, especially those fellows over in the House. After the Senate passed a clean bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security for the rest of the year, Kirk told reporters, “Hopefully we’re gonna end the attaching of bullshit to essential items of the government.” Read more on Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t…
  Kiss Kiss Boehng Boehng

John Boehner: Kiss Your Homeland Security Goodbye, America

It’s Friday, and you know what that means: knocking off early, going to happy hour, and the federal government partially shutting down a major cabinet department because Republicans are mad at Obama and really want to teach him a lesson by shooting themselves in the foot. If Congress doesn’t pass some kind of funding bill by midnight, the Department of Homeland Security goes into shutdown mode, meaning that nonessential workers in any number of agencies are furloughed, except that DHS has so many essential agencies that a lot of people in the TSA, Border Patrol, and even the Coast Guard will still be working, just without pay. So at least the TSA people at the airport will have a reason to be extra surly, whee. Read more on John Boehner: Kiss Your Homeland Security Goodbye, America…
  your tax dollars at work

House Votes To Extra Super Double-Ban Taxpayer Funding For Abortion (Which Is Already Illegal)

Just lay back and think about the savings
Republicans love tradition, and that is why on Thursday, on the anniversary of Roe v. Wade (haha, take that, ladies!), the House held its traditional vote for the No Taxpayer Funding For Abortion Act, which they introduce every single congressional session, because tradition! Read more on House Votes To Extra Super Double-Ban Taxpayer Funding For Abortion (Which Is Already Illegal)…
  The Grownups Are Talking Dear

Louie Gohmert Defeated! Adults In Charge! Eat Your Pets!

We’re Americans, and when life throws us lemons, we make lemonade, so get out the apron and light up the old barbecue, ’cause it’s time for some good old down-home “Moo Goo Dog Pan,” Louie Gohmert style. Sure, it sounds bad at first, but think of it like rape, say with a ten inch plastic vaginal probe, something you just have to lie back, close your eyes and enjoy when it happens to you, and eating your pets is happening to you, ’cause Louie Gohmert isn’t going to be Speaker of the House, and we owe those commie bastards in China money, because Obama. Read more on Louie Gohmert Defeated! Adults In Charge! Eat Your Pets!…
  Customer Service Agreement With America

GOP Senate Says Obama Must Make Sweet Love To America’s Oil Lobbyists, Or Else

Haha, good one!
Republicans formally took control of the United States Senate on Tuesday, free at last to indulge in their love of sweet, sweet, crude and its associated lobbyists — a love that has been forbidden by their overly-strict totalitarian dad, Barack Obama, who made no secret that he did not approve. The GOP has been waiting eight long years, staring longingly out the window, so they’ve had plenty of time to think about the best way to approach this promising courtship. We thought they might keep their love under wraps the way they’ve been yammering on about bipartisan cooperation and compromise, leading us to think they’d start their new session with something Father Barry likes. Maybe service dogs for veterans? The Little Old Lady Street-Crossing Assistance Act of 2015? National Fuzzy Kitten Appreciation Day? Let’s check in! Read more on GOP Senate Says Obama Must Make Sweet Love To America’s Oil Lobbyists, Or Else…
  Congressional Calvinball

New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It

He's in charge here
The new 114th Congress, sworn in just yesterday, included in its rules a measure that appears designed to force an ugly and wholly unnecessary showdown over Social Security in 2016. For the voters have spoken, and they demand more ugly, unnecessary showdowns! Read more on New GOP Congress Pretty Sure All You ‘Disabled’ ‘Folks’ Are Fakers Anyway, So Suck It…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To

There were too many 'manic Rachel' images to choose from today
Congress is back in session, and Rachel Maddow couldn’t be more delighted with the first-day weirdness. There’s Joe Biden being the most Joe Biden he ever gets, greeting the new Senate and swearing everybody in. While there was no Ted Cruz’s Jerk Baby this term, Joe did say some completely incomprehensible stuff, and also accidentally spat out the remnants of a mint while talking. Everyone was just adorable. Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Watches The Joe Biden Senate Show, Because We Forgot To…
  Keep Your Caucus In Check

Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum

CSPAN screenshot via Oliver Willis America’s sweetheart, John Boehner, vanquished his enemies on Tuesday afternoon, retaining his cartoonishly oversized gavel and kicking off another two years of publicly losing control of his caucus. Read more on Great And Powerful John Boehner Rises From Ashes Of Tea Party Tantrum…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Steve Scalise Talked To Neo-Nazis. Let’s Not Forget What Neo-Nazis Are (Video)

Why would anyone have a problem with Klansmen, after all?
Rachel Maddow enjoyed her holiday break, thank you very much, but we get the feeling that a good part of why she enjoyed it was anticipation of telling the whole sordid Steve Scalise Talked to Nazis story when she got back. And she is in fine form! Read more on Morning Maddow: Steve Scalise Talked To Neo-Nazis. Let’s Not Forget What Neo-Nazis Are (Video)…
  In With The New

Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann

Image via KARE video While Yr Wonkette joins the rest of the nation in mourning the loss of Rep. Michele Bachmann’s unique brand of political wisdom, we look forward to the arrival of her Republican successor in the House of Representatives, former talk radio host and failed gubernatorial candidate Tom Emmer. Read more on Meet Your New Michele Bachmann, Same As Your Old Michele Bachmann…
  But Robert Byrd!

Of Course John Boehner Isn’t Going To Plunge This Knife Into Steve Scalise’s Back, Why Do You Ask?

He's happy to stand by his man, no really
How much does it suck to be Speaker of the House John Boehner right about now? You know the guy just wants to get his Eve of New Year’s Eve drink on, but nooooooooo. Instead, he’s got to stay sober enough to sign off on statements of support for all the lousy Republicans who can’t keep themselves out of trouble. Read more on Of Course John Boehner Isn’t Going To Plunge This Knife Into Steve Scalise’s Back, Why Do You Ask?…
  The New Math

GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash

Pic via 1Funny As the year draws to a close, we here in the Washington Bureau are grateful for many things. Because we are Americans, we are most grateful for our capital-F Freedom and its valiant defenders, not least the right-wing fiscal fringers of the coming 114th Congress. These brave budget warriors will liberate us from the tyranny of traditional government math, freeing us from the chains of logic and allowing our wildest fiscal fantasies to come true. Read more on GOP’s New Math Will Cut Your Taxes And Bankrupt America, So Basically A Wash…
  Not so not guilty after all

Charming Fellow Rep. Michael Grimm To Plead Guilty To Some Tiny Minor Things, NBD

At least he's still smiling ... for now
Rep. Michael Grimm (R-Naturally), a self-described “moral man, a man of integrity” — who likes to threaten to throw journalists off balconies and break them in half, but in a moral way, we guess — is expected to plead guilty to about eleventy hundred charges of tax evasion on Tuesday. (Or, OK, at least one charge, though he was indicted on 20 different counts of doing naughty illegal stuff.) Read more on Charming Fellow Rep. Michael Grimm To Plead Guilty To Some Tiny Minor Things, NBD…
  Also Did We Mention God? She's Big On God

In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God

Here's the story, of a crazy lady, who was talking to a devil to her right ...
Michele Bachmann gave her farewell address to the House of Representatives Tuesday, and while we were worried that she might just stand up and announce that all her email should be forwarded to Shelly@CrazyEyes.com, she actually did deliver a thoroughly Bachmannian speech. It hits all the required notes: Freedom, In God We Trust, Why the House is the Best House, plus several extra helpings of God stuff just to be sure. Read more on In Surprising Farewell Address, Michele Bachmann Admits Liking Freedom, God…
  Another great waste of time

House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014

Here have a crumb
Poor John Boehner. Sure, he’s technically the speaker of the House, but the teabagger wing of the Republican Party sure never lets him forget that he is not the boss of them. They’re always like, “Shut down the government!” and “Impeach Obama!” and “Let’s vote to repeal Obamacare again!” And he’s always like, “That would be bad for us, you idiots,” and “That would be really bad for us, you idiots, but how about a lawsuit?” and “Yup, sounds good, let’s have the billionth vote on that!” Read more on House GOP Will Reverse Immigration Order With Obama Sucks Act Of 2014…
  Outreach? What outreach?

GOP: Thanks For The Votes Ladies, We’ll Take It From Here

In theory anyway
Republicans aren’t too keen on putting women in charge. In the US House of Representatives, men will chair 20 of 21 committees next year. Assignments aren’t finalized for the new GOP leadership in the US Senate, but Lisa Murkowski appears to be the only woman to chair a committee on that side of the Capitol as well. And MSNBC just reported that 79 percent of chiefs of staff for Republican Senators and Members of Congress are male (compared with 60 percent for Democrats). Read more on GOP: Thanks For The Votes Ladies, We’ll Take It From Here…
  And Now Benghazi Is No Longer An Issue

House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox

Still missing an H
Photo by Beth Ethier, from last year’s Obama Arrest Party In a classic Friday news dump – the favored method for releasing information when you hope the fewest people will notice — the House Intelligence Committee released the results of its Great Big Benghazi Inquiry yesterday afternoon, and boy oh boy does it have some devastating news for the Incompetent Tyrant Obama: He’s still a tyrant, because executive orders, but OK, maybe, um, there wasn’t actually anything fishy going on at the diplomatic compound in Libya. Let’s just go with the AP’s lede, which clarifies exactly why this is terrible news for wingnuts (or would be, were they not impermeable to facts): Read more on House Benghazi Report Finds No Conspiracies, Gets No Love From Fox…
  Unimpeachable Logic

House Finally (FINALLY) Sues Obama, For Doing Thing House Wanted Obama To Do

Almost sure that's not in Beckett
In a master stroke of timing, the House of Representatives has finally filed that big lawsuit against Barack Obama for his tyrannical actions in using executive orders as if he were some kind of president or something. As you recall, we thought it was dead, only, like Snake Plisskin, it turns out it had just vanished for a while, and then the House finally found a lawyer willing to take the case (who wasn’t Larry Klayman, even), because separation of powers — and now it is ON, Barry. You’ll be lucky if you can Escape From DC! Read more on House Finally (FINALLY) Sues Obama, For Doing Thing House Wanted Obama To Do…
  Working hard or hardly LOL?

Here’s How Your Do-Nothing Republican House Is Wasting Your Time And Money This Week

Congress
It sure does look like a busy week for the hard-working hard workers in the House of Representatives. Via Majority Leader Kevin McCarthy, here’s a glance at their very busy schedule. As you can see, Republicans are, as always, focused on job creation, which is why they will be taking up eight different bills to re-name post offices. For America! Read more on Here’s How Your Do-Nothing Republican House Is Wasting Your Time And Money This Week…
  he's got a friend in jesus

Kissing Congressman’s Wife Totally Cool With Him Boning That Lady

Wives! They are always like “no you may not put your Marriage Stick in the whore’s Penis Home and rub it up and down a lot,” and other unfair things! But Vance McAllister, the Christly congressman who was putting his dick on that lady until he got BUSTED on VIDEO, knows how to pick them, because his wife is all like “it is cool honey no probs oh hey where is all the Valium is it here are you the Valium?” and he is like, “SCORE.” Read more on Kissing Congressman’s Wife Totally Cool With Him Boning That Lady…