Wonkette

We were really pulling for Dick Gephardt, but it is looking more and more like Barry’s Number Two will be Texas Congressman Chet Edwards. (Unless it’s Tim Kaine, or some other person! But not Hillary.) This will prompt innumerable conversations about Obama’s surprisingly poor political judgment in picking that Two Americas guy with dirt mansion and the baby mama and the cancer wife. [AP]

A supersecret source sends us this important update on the sad abandoned Republican street urchin/chimbley sweep cabal that got stuck fighting for lower gas prices while the decadent world around them yawned and left for vacation. These oppressed legislators issued a special request via the emails! MORE »

Wonkette operative The Intern has some shocking news about what’s been going on in the House of Representatives ever since Nancy Pelosi turned off the lights and made everybody go on vacation. It is basically the Thunderdome all over again, only with Republican ninjas. MORE »

Short of cleaning restrooms at the Minneapolis airport when Larry Craig’s in town, there is probably no job in America more thankless than running against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for her Congressional seat. One brave woman has stepped up to the challenge and is raising a fair amount of money in her quest to become the Republican congresswoman from San Francisco, where a “Republican” is defined as “anyone who doesn’t bring a nipple-pierced gimp to formal events.” MORE »

When the Republicans lose virtually every election they run in this November, they will take about two minutes to do some “somber soul-searching” before they elect a whole new generation of corrupt swine to replace the shameful failed old guard. But wait for the shocking twist: the new Republican leadership will have a least a few members who aren’t ancient or gay. Meet your new Republican overlords, after the jump! MORE »

Roger Clemens has been “invited” to testify under oath before the House Oversight Committee on January 16th (alongside Andy Pettite and Chuck Knoblauch) about his supposed steroid use. While an invite is not yet a subpoena, it’s somewhat unusual to forcibly swear in invited witnesses, as the Republicans taught America when they invited oil company execs to testify about “non-existent” price-fixing. Wait, fuck steroids! Aren’t the Dems in control now? What happened to that issue? I guess they can get more TV cameras by holding hearings about steroids in baseball, so who gives a shit about collusion. Such a big word, collusion. [Boston Globe, House Oversight Committee, AFP via Breitbart]

Finally, years of constantly checking the Georgia House of Representatives’ records have produced a veritable find! OK, so it’s from 1999, but we’ll bite anyway. Enter HR 1187: “A RESOLUTION inviting the South Forsyth High School Cheerleaders and their coaches to appear before the House of Representatives; and for other purposes.” … Go on? MORE »

Oh fer chrissakes. MORE »

Updated: So it’s a list of officers. So what. It was a rough weekend, ok? And this Earl guy — probably not a jackass. But who’s he trying to impress running around in a bowtie running all these caucuses?

The Committe on House Administration has a very handy list of every member officer of every Congressional caucus — our favorites are the ones with only one member officer, ever-so-slightly expanding the definition of “caucus” to include “nice-sounding group name one makes up to make it sound like one’s getting a lot done.” Are these causes too lame to attract more than one member officers? Or are these members officers just losers with whom no one wants to party? Just for reference: The Shellfish Caucus, whose aim is to “increase awareness of important policy issues affecting the shellfish industry,” has six members officers. Those issues which aren’t quite so important include:

Congressional Taskforce on International HIV/AIDS
Rep. Jim McDermott

Economic Competitiveness Caucus
Rep. Todd Tiahrt

Gulf Coast Rebuilding and Recovery Caucus
Rep. Bennie Thompson

And in the “That Explains It” file:
Metro Congestion Coalition
Rep. Eddie Bernice Johnson

Victory in Iraq Caucus
Rep. Joe Wilson

And ladies and gentlemen, meet the king of the one-man caucus:

Army Corps Reform Caucus
Rep. Earl Blumenauer

Congressional Bike Caucus (CBC)
Rep. Earl Blumenauer

House Trails Caucus
Rep. Earl Blumenauer

Unexploded Ordnance Caucus
Rep. Earl Blumenauer

Earl (pictured, natch) just doesn’t seem to work well with others. We think it’s the tie. Look at him — would you want to caucus with that jackass?

The full list of Caucuses of One, after the jump.

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Due to an editing error, a post yesterday incorrectly attributed a quote to Representative Vernon Ehlers (R-MI). According to his Press Secretary: MORE »