Tag: house

Wonkagenda: September 28th, 2016

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Future Republican Member of Congress

Republicans To Shut Down Government Again Because Screw You, America!

It has been almost five whole months since the grown-up Republicans in Congress threatened to SHUT IT DOWN faster than you can say "legitimate rape." So now seems like a pretty good time to do that again, huh? It was so...
Suck it, America

Senate Republicans Pass Meaningless ‘Budget’ Just To Prove They’re Dicks

In another display of bold, big boy leadership, Senate Republicans just barely passed a budget resolution on Tuesday, which serves no purpose whatsoever other than putting on the record, again, that they are the party of terrible people who...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Doesn’t Love America

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Rudy Giuliani is an asshole even by his standards, Bill O'Reilly is full of shit even by his standards, and Oklahoma is ignorant etc. Missed last week's...
Free kitten with every five mass shootings

VA Legislators Call Backsies, Black Magic, 123 No Takebacks On Gun Bill

Should stalkers, domestic abusers, and sexual batterers be allowed to buy and own guns? For several Republicans on the Virginia Senate Courts of Justice Committee, the answer is a resounding NO, followed by a YES, then a WHOOPS, then...
Maybe SCOTUS will pull the plug on grandma after all

Supreme Court Gets Another Chance To Impeach Obamacare

Did you think Obamacare was settled law just because it is the law, and settled, and the Supreme Court agreed that yes, it is the law, and settled? Ha, idiots! As Republicans have been telling us since before President Obama...

House Votes For Sane Marijuana Thing, And We’re Still Mad Anyway

So the House did an amazingly rational thing -- yes, we are all quite shocked, quite -- and voted to prohibit "the DEA from spending funds to arrest state-licensed medical marijuana patients." Hooray! We can smoke 'em if we got...

Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen.

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be...

House GOP Committee Holds Quiet Little Casual Meeting About (Stage Whisper) Impeaching Obama

Tuesday was another great day for casually talking about how the heck to impeach the president for something something presidenting while black something. But then, isn't every day? Of course! But Tuesday was extra special, as a who's who...

Senate Wants To Exempt Churches From ENDA To Protect Their Right To Hate Gays For Jesus

Aw, this is so sweet and Jesus-y: The Senate on Wednesday adopted an amendment to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) from Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) that would prevent retaliation against religious organizations. Portman’s amendment -- which would prevent retaliation against religious...

House GOP Blames Obama, Lack Of Desire To Do Hard Work In Refusal To Take Up Immigration Reform

Buenos dias, Wonketeers. After weeks of pointless grandstanding by modern-day Dr. Suess El Senor Canadiano Ted Cruz, aren’t we all ready for Congress to, you know, do something positive rather than just tank fourth quarter economic output? Hey, how...

Texans Spend Eight Minutes In Heaven With Ted Cruz; Rest Of Nation Barely Resists Urge To Vomit

Eight minutes can be a really long time. It’s about the amount of time it takes light from the sun to travel to the earth. Or in more earthly terms, it’s twice as long as Gary’s never-gonna-happen fantasy about...

Poor Idiot Democrat Has To Wash His Own Towels At His Taxpayer-Funded Gym Boo Hoo

Man, you have no idea how hard it is to be a member of Congress these days. Like Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Acme Medical Skool) said, these poor guys are stuck making a mere $172,000 a year. He's hardly the...

Running Out Of Original Bad Ideas, Congress ‘Goes Green,’ Recycles Failed Ideas From 2011

Let’s see here. We have a divided Congress, an approaching debt ceiling, and bitter partisanship. Congress suggests putting together a bi-cameral committee to work out a solution to deal with federal spending and the debt limit. Maybe, perhaps, this...

Debt Ceiling Dangles Like Giant Turd Over Global Economy

So, kids, are we having fun with the government shutdown yet? From dieting kids, to cancer kids, to forced family vacations, isn't Congress just the best?!? American exceptionalism at its finest! However, the fun is just beginning. Because while...

Fun & Games, Congress-Style: Government Shutdown Edition

Unless you have spent the last week in a hospital because of overdosing on boner pills, you realize that folks in Congress are working harder than usual to ensure the destruction of the American, and possibly global, economy. Our...