house
Republicans (Maybe) Stop Beating Their Wives
Hey-o! Looks like, once again, sexxxy dreamboat John “Whisky Dick” Boehner has failed to achieve “lift-off”! In this case, once again, he has tried to placate the even-most-batshit of his brethren and then failed to pass his own bill, in his own caucus. And it looks like (maybe!) we will finally be able to answer [...]
[Delta] House Teabaggers Plan Gingrich-Worthy Stupid And Futile Gesture
A guest post from your comrade Fakakta South. Remember when you were a kid playing a board game, maybe Checkers or “Life” if you were kinda dumb, or chess maybe if you were a nerd, and there was that one kid who, if he got way behind and saw he couldn’t win, would throw a [...]
House Urinal Explodes: All House Reporters Soaked In Piss, Hopefully
Where were you on 6/4/12? This is the day that America got its groove back, after the world’s worst people — reporters — in the world’s worst institution — the House of Representatives — saw a urinal explode and soak them in pee and chewing tobacco pouches and mostly 100% water, more likely, but also [...]
Meanwhile, In Congress, A Veritable Donnybrook Erupts Over Libations
Oops, it’s Friday, better check in on our beloved 112th Congress to see if they did anything (please god, spare us) or even showed up this week. Good heavens… fisticuffs? “One congressman accused another of drinking on the job in the midst of a tense exchange Wednesday night over whether the House would debate an [...]
This One House Republican Really Loves Planned Parenthood
Well how about that, a freshman House Republican, Illinois’ Bob Dold, is going to sign his death wish this week. Not only does he plan “to introduce a bill Wednesday that would ensure Planned Parenthood’s access to federal funding,” but he’ll announce it at a press conference alongside Planned Parenthood. Total mindfuck. Does Dold walk [...]
Hot Excerpts From Robert Draper’s New Book About The Idiot House of Representatives
Your Wonkette is nearly finished with the hot politics book of the week, Robert Draper’s Do Not Ask What Good We Do, and unlike most hot politics books of the week, this one’s pretty great in most ways: thorough reporting, readability, legislative detail, and, most importantly for your Wonkette, a page tally below 300. It [...]
Nice Mississippi Republican Has Black Representative Escorted From House Floor, Because ‘Rules’
Oh look, this African American Congressman from Illinois, Bobby Rush, would like to make a speech for the House commending the young people for speaking out against racial profiling in the wake of Trayvon Martin’s shooting while donning a hood himself, to show solidarity: “I applaud the young people, all across the land who are [...]
Congressman Realizes He Can Just Shoot People Who Get In His Way
How will the Republicans ever pass that nice young boy scout Paul Ryan’s budget and finish ruining the country? Unless Republicans can put together a simultaneous presidency, House majority, and 60-vote Senate majority, it’s unlikely that our government will ever be able to double seniors’ out-of-pocket medical costs and put this busted experiment to rest. [...]
GOP Goes With ‘Pompous Sausagefest’ Theme For Contraception Hearing
Here’s a fun game! Look at the above photo of the panel invited to testify at serial car thief Darrell Issa’s House Oversight and Government Reform hearing this morning on “religious liberty” and “freedom of conscience,” with regards to the ongoing contraception and women’s health donnybrook. Do you notice something… missing… at this tiresome preachfest [...]
Mississippi Legislator Proposes Gulf of Mexico Be Renamed Gulf of America
Steve Holland, Democratic Representative of Mississippi, has embraced the latest trend of taunting the powers that be with a bill proposing renaming the Gulf of Mexico the Gulf of America! H.B. 150 was introduced to Mississippi’s Marine Resources Committee this week, and it contains real words about why this is potentially actually happening (knowing Mississippi, [...]
Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner
People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the [...]
Rep. John Fleming Shocked By Abortionplex Scoop In ‘The Onion’
Look, Rep. John Fleming is too busy putting food on the table with his $400,000 business income (after food expenses and all other expenses) to know that THE ONION is a satire publication and there are no plans for an $8 Billion Abortionplex in the works, as of now.
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