So the House did an amazingly rational thing — yes, we are all quite shocked, quite — and voted to prohibit “the DEA from spending funds to arrest state-licensed medical marijuana patients.” Hooray! We can smoke ‘em if we got ‘em for medical reasons! The bill passed with bipartisan support, 219-189. Finally, Democrats and Republicans […]

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the […]

Tuesday was another great day for casually talking about how the heck to impeach the president for something something presidenting while black something. But then, isn’t every day? Of course! But Tuesday was extra special, as a who’s who of congressional derp held a hearing cleverly titled “The President’s Constitutional Duty to Faithfully Execute the […]

Aw, this is so sweet and Jesus-y: The Senate on Wednesday adopted an amendment to the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA) from Sen. Rob Portman (R-Ohio) that would prevent retaliation against religious organizations. Portman’s amendment — which would prevent retaliation against religious organizations that don’t hire someone because of sexual orientation or identity — passed by […]

Buenos dias, Wonketeers. After weeks of pointless grandstanding by modern-day Dr. Suess El Senor Canadiano Ted Cruz, aren’t we all ready for Congress to, you know, do something positive rather than just tank fourth quarter economic output? Hey, how about that comprehensive immigration reform that the Senate was all positive about. Could be a good […]

Eight minutes can be a really long time. It’s about the amount of time it takes light from the sun to travel to the earth. Or in more earthly terms, it’s twice as long as Gary’s never-gonna-happen fantasy about Piper Perabo. But if you are an addled, half-brained drooling Tea-jadist, then it is just the […]

Man, you have no idea how hard it is to be a member of Congress these days. Like Rep. Phil Gingrey (R-Acme Medical Skool) said, these poor guys are stuck making a mere $172,000 a year. He’s hardly the only member of Congress to complain about his piddly-but-still-almost-four-times-more-than-the-median-American-income salary. In 2011, Rep. Sean Duffy (R-Real […]

Let’s see here. We have a divided Congress, an approaching debt ceiling, and bitter partisanship. Congress suggests putting together a bi-cameral committee to work out a solution to deal with federal spending and the debt limit. Maybe, perhaps, this could work. Tell us more, The Hill: The House will vote as soon as Tuesday on […]

So, kids, are we having fun with the government shutdown yet? From dieting kids, to cancer kids, to forced family vacations, isn’t Congress just the best?!? American exceptionalism at its finest! However, the fun is just beginning. Because while a government shutdown only causes headaches and pain for U.S. Americans, Congress is determined to share […]

Unless you have spent the last week in a hospital because of overdosing on boner pills, you realize that folks in Congress are working harder than usual to ensure the destruction of the American, and possibly global, economy. Our least-favorite Texi-Canadian ass monkey, Ted Cruz, has been argle-bargling something something Obamacare, filibuster, and shutting down […]

Rep. Ted Yoho (R-Duh) is turning out to be the great civil rights leader of our generation. He is stalwart in his freedom-fighting against the reverse racism of Obamacare, argle bargling truth to power, standing up for the rights of the Taxed Enough AlreadyTM melatonin-deficient. And do you know why? No, it is not because […]

You know what’s fun to do? Lie to the American people for months about a government program, get them all hyped up and into a frothing, fanatical tizzy over the notion of defunding said government program, then looking around and realizing that you are just a Canadian-born ass-monkey Senator from Texas and actually have no […]

Hello, have you met the Republican wingnuts on the House Science Committee? They include: Paul Broun, who has told supporters that evolution and the big bang theory “are lies straight from the pit of hell,”  and Dana Rorhabacher, who once suggested that temperature fluctuations on earth millions of years ago can be traced to dinosaur flatulence. There is also […]

Georgia Rep. and wannabe-senator Phil Gingrey (R-Naturally) is one of those people, as so many Republicans are, who should not speak words. Like that time, when his party was busy insisting that no, Republicans do not hate browns and chicks and gays (well, okay, yeah, they still hate gays), and he opened his dumb yap […]

Hey-o! Looks like, once again, sexxxy dreamboat John “Whisky Dick” Boehner has failed to achieve “lift-off”! In this case, once again, he has tried to placate the even-most-batshit of his brethren and then failed to pass his own bill, in his own caucus. And it looks like (maybe!) we will finally be able to answer […]