As a result of yesterday’s forecasted storm that had the potential to cancel Screen on the Green (it didn’t — weather.com doesn’t know shit), we’ve got a new rule: unless the sky is pure blue, we’re advocating for indoor activities only.  A great indoor activity that you can’t go wrong with? Drinking. And in these trying times, one must be able to get the most bang for one’s buck.  Enter the open bar. MORE »

Everybody is very ANGRY with Sarah Palin for spending tens of thousands of hard-working Alaskans’ tax dollars flying her daughters to various conferences and putting them up at the Ritz and then saying they were there on “official duty” to cut ribbons and stuff. And yes, this is pretty fucking lame, particularly given that there are plenty of governors in America who do not drag their kids along to every association dinner they’re invited to and instead take advantage of a wonderful American invention called “the babysitter,” or even an old throwback called “a spouse.” But that’s not the real outrage! MORE »

The downtown Sheraton in Denver was handing out WOODEN key cards, made of WOOD, as part of the Democrats’ secret plan to embarrass themselves in front of the nation with their deliriously impractical solutions to such urgent problems as America’s overreliance on plastic hotel key cards. Of course these wooden key cards did not work right and clerks had to give people plastic cards so that they could actually get into their rooms. Next thing you know, we will be hearing that the DNC-endorsed woven hemp condoms for local courtesans weren’t such a hot idea either. [New York Sun]

Well, this is a terrible disappointment. The City of St. Paul decided to charge bars $2500 for a license to stay open till 4 a.m. during the anxious, angry slog known as the Republican National Convention — an event to make a drinker out of anyone — not a single establishment has applied. A POX ON ALL THEIR HOUSES. MORE »

There are two iconic Washington hotels, swank palaces so famous that their very names have come to define the two main activities of our political elite: corruption and whoring. The first, of course, is the Watergate. The second is the Mayflower, which was named for the famous pimpette Sydney Biddle Barrows, the “Mayflower Madam.” It’s a little pricey even by D.C. lodging standards, so if you’re a regular there, you’re probably a regular user of $4,300 hookers — according to the liberal New York Times. MORE »

So we scoured John Kerry’s rider for something funny about it, and the best we can come up with is that recumbent bikes are goofy-looking and, you know, French or something (right? it’s been so long, hasn’t it?). See, that’s like the most outrageous demand (oh, sure, Teresa’s is nuts, but we’re guessing Lynne’s would be similarly complex). Other than that, it’s all, “JK likes oatmeal,” “movies would be nice,” you know? Pretty unpretentious. Check it out:

Above: John “Made in the U.S.A.” Kerry’s. Below: Dick “Only the Most Treasonous Water For My Wife” Cheney.

That’s no “please change the channel on my TV for me” or anything.

John Kerry Hates Celery! [TSG]
Earlier: Mr. Cheney Also Requires Bunny Slippers and Warm Soy Milk

* Newark 06 appends an update (but not quite a correction) to its prior post about Cory Booker and the HuffPo. [Newark 06] MORE »

Look, the Vice Presidential Rider! MORE »

(Actually, the afternoon after; but hey, she’s probably just waking up now…) MORE »