PREHISTORIC SPECIMEN CONFINED TO HOSPITAL: Ancient Robert Byrd is in the hospital battling a staph infection, which is precisely the sort of infection that old people tend to pick up in hospitals. SOMEBODY GET HIM OUT OF THAT SWAMP OF GERMS. P.S.: He is so very old. [Roll Call]

Wonkette Hand Operative “David” writes, “MSNBC just reported that Cindy McCain has been taken to the hospital for a hand-related issue. They went on to claim that she had a ‘pre-existing hand condition’ and that some Bitter had gripped her hand so hard during a campaign stop that she had to be taken for treatment.” We can find nothing about this on the Internets. WTF? What is happening, America?? MORE »

Rudy Giuliani was released from the St. Louis hospital where he spent the night last night after supposedly suffering from a headache and flu-like symptoms that caused him to turn his plane around and fly back to St. Louis, like everyone does when they are headachey and barfy. Everyone’s swearing that it’s precautionary and that he’s totally not dropping out of the race, etc., etc. We have a suggestion, Rudy! When it’s chilly outside (current temp in St. Louis at 4:55 CT is 44 degrees), try wearing a coat. [Yahoo News]

CNN reports that “vice” President Dick Cheney is at the hospital again. MORE »