Wonkette

Normal life came to a screeching halt today in America as news of an awful mass murder spread across the nation. Politicians canceled rallies, Congress delayed impeachment proceedings and office workers stopped their usual banal chit-chat about teevee shows or whatever for impassioned if still ill-informed discussions of gun control, violence and the dangers of creative-writing programs. MORE »

Remember the SURGE that would finally win the war against whoever it is we’re fighting in Iraq for some unknown reason? Well, it’s a big success — if by “success” you mean U.S. troops are now dying at the fastest rate since the invasion four years ago! MORE »

* Here’s a terrifying sketch of the man who raped a woman in broad daylight outside a Checkers at 14th Street and Maryland Avenue while another man restrained her 3-year-old daughter. [Frozen Tropics]
* Yesterday a man was stabbed to death in broad daylight at 51st Street and Banks Place, NE. [stop, blog and roll]
* Last night there was a big apartment fire at 6th and O Streets, NW. 40 people lost their homes. [Life in Mount Vernon Square]
* DMV moving from Gallery Place to SW. [Gallery Place Living]
* The DC Madam’s Shock and Ahhhhh … [City Desk]

Hey everybody, it’s Friday the 13th! A lot of horrible things are happening to people who forgot to remember not to go outside or walk under cats or whatever. It’s still early, so something bad is still very likely to happen to everybody, but here’s some of the awful terror currently afflicting people due to Friday the 13th: MORE »

Nice going, Walnuts:

The latest massacre of Iraqi children came as 21 Shia market workers were ambushed, bound and shot dead north of the capital. The victims came from the Baghdad market visited the previous day by John McCain, the US presidential candidate, who said that an American security plan in the capital was starting to show signs of progress.

Lorry bomb kills children in school [Times of London]

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To a certain crowd, the Council on Foreign Relations is part of the all-powerful Illuminati/Trilateral Commission/Bohemian Grove/Bilderberg/Skull & Bones conspiracy that runs the Western World. And while that’s all true, we shouldn’t overestimate the power of these secret societies. In other words, Bush & Cheney don’t listen to the CFR, either.

Today, the Council on Foreign Relations issued a grim report that very clearly describes the Iraq occupation as an unmitigated disaster with no possible hope of “military victory.” While this is obvious to sane people around the world and was already said by the Iraq Study Group, the House and Senate, all the generals Cheney has fired and even the White House’s own “Iraq Intelligence Estimate,” the CFR has unique knowledge … from the future. Read tomorrow’s news today, after the jump.

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Watergate enraged certain people in all the wrong ways, and minor-league Nixon Administration factotums Donald Rumsfeld and Dick Cheney were among the few twisted Tories who thought it was bad that Congress wrestled control of the nation from a paranoid dictatorial police-state Executive Branch. Instead of being jailed forever, these two ended up running Ford’s White House and infiltrating the Reagan and Bush 41 White Houses like a particularly awful anti-constitutional virus. MORE »

Government scientists have come to the rock-solid conclusion that it’s totally safe to eat cloned meat and dairy products from cloned animals. This basically means that you can stumble upon the Perfect Steak and then get the ID number of the animal, probably through some DNA detector built into next year’s Blackberry models, and continue to eat that steak forever. MORE »

As a special War On Christmas treat for those serving in Iraq and wondering when the hell they might get to come home, George W. Bush has finally admitted what most humans (and 93% of political bloggers) have known for years: America is “not winning” in Iraq. MORE »

Hooray, we now know what that “medical emergency” was at the Longworth, which followed the (unrelated) fire and evacuation. MORE »