Supply and demand, people! Focus on the Family’s series of “Love Won Out” conferences has persuaded so many sodomites of the joys of heterosexual love that there is just no market for these events anymore. So, they’re turning over the conferences to a ministry in Orlando that can deal with the homosexual laggards who still haven’t gotten on the Straight Train. MORE »

Several months ago Rahm Emanuel left his post in the House of Representatives and temporarily abandoned his ambitions to become the first nine-and-a-half-fingered Speaker of the House in order to crack skulls for Barack Obama. Today, the specialest of all special elections determines who will “fill his seat.” MORE »

GOP Chairman Michael Steele is proving to be pretty goddamn tiresome already and he has been running the party for what, minus five minutes? After explaining to George Stephanopoulos how “jobs” are different from “work,” he then gave this big long interview with the Washington Times that was likewise so jam-packed with mockable bullshit that it is hard to see what a person with a satirical blog-writing “job” is supposed to do with it. MORE »

Short of cleaning restrooms at the Minneapolis airport when Larry Craig’s in town, there is probably no job in America more thankless than running against Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi for her Congressional seat. One brave woman has stepped up to the challenge and is raising a fair amount of money in her quest to become the Republican congresswoman from San Francisco, where a “Republican” is defined as “anyone who doesn’t bring a nipple-pierced gimp to formal events.” MORE »

With an astounding 2,000 signatures (that means every Rhode Islander signed this petition twice), supporters of Ralph Nader and Matt Gonzales will FORMALLY SUBMIT PAPERWORK today to get their candidates on the November 2008 election ballot in the Ocean State. According to a campaign announcement, freedom will now ring from West Warwick to Usquepaugh, from the Big Blue Bug off I-95 to Trustom Pond, and all will hoist a frothing mug of coffee milk to their new consumer advocate overlord.