Here is your Barack Obama in the second, less boring part of his Daily Show appearance last night. The part at the end where he says “I’m calling to find out if you’re happy with your cell phone service” in stentorian, inspiring tones will have all you Obama nuts screaming Yes yes I love Verizon while the rest of us wonder if we’ve been been had by old Hopey. MORE »

This is Barack Obama’s new ad for North Carolina, and it’s about gas money. It’s titled “Nothing’s Changed.” He discusses the Big Oil companies, concluding with “I won’t let them block Change anymore.” What’s the deal here — are he and “Hope” breaking up or something? [YouTube]

Here’s the promo for “Dinner with Barack,” the fundraising ploy that many of you keep receiving lurid e-mails from campaign manager David Plouffe about. He has already done one of these group sex dinner-date things before, as this video shows. One lady is so poor that she can’t afford “food,” so thank you Barack. Another lady can afford college because of a thing called the “Hope Program” (not even joking). Then Barack claims that he is a Normal Person because he snores while sleeping with his wife, in Heaven. [YouTube]

Everybody knew 2008 would be a very historic year for various genders and races becoming president, but little did we expect that all of our “melting pot” dreams would come true so soon, and so sweetly. Americans can stand up and feel proud, for we have our first blind governor! MORE »

The guy who did the “Obey” stickers also did a bunch of Barack Obama posters, which you can see everywhere unless you are blind. And now Candidate Obama, because he is a nice fellow with good manners, has written a thank-you note to Shepard Fairey. MORE »

Here’s a fact: David Brooks wrote the worst column in American History this morning. Well, maybe of this week, or of this morning only. It was definitely the worst New York Times column he wrote today. It involves bird flu, or the measles, or some sort of viral “sensation” where Barack Obama is heroin and Hillary Clinton is the methadone clinic, and hippies are guided by invisible shark spirits. MORE »

Wonkette’s operative in Georgia, Walt McBride, sends this… haunting image from the cemetery of old Confederate racists. They’ve been so moved by Barack’s Hope that they’re not only disavowing their love of slavery — they’re coming back from the dead to vote!

So guess who Camp Romney sent last night to SPIN for him in the SPIN ZONE? Why former presidential candidate and current racist Tom Tancredo, that’s who! Although he claims that if he had some Messican in him, he would be happy about it. But then wouldn’t we have to deport him?

Apparently the Huffington Post bloggers saw a totally different Barack Obama speech last night — you know, one that wasn’t just some rich good-looking lawyer repeating the empty word “hope” like Rudy saying “9/11.” Here’s a sampling of the inspirational, pompous nonsense that is our substitute for actual insight in this goddamned country: MORE »