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Posts Tagged ‘hope’

Walnuts: Don’t Hope For Anything Good To Happen If I’m In Charge

Tuesday, July 8th, 2008

Here’s a new “biographical” ad from John McCain, where we learn — get this — that while a bunch of hippie anarcho-pinkist fags like 7-year-old Barack Obama spent five years mud-fucking on the AIDSy grounds of Woodstock in the 1960s, McCain was at a subprime torture hotel in Vietnam. The ad concludes with a number of inspirational messages that will surely drive voters to his corner, such as “John McCain doesn’t always tell us what we hope to hear” and “Don’t hope for a better life.” This rhetoric. We are overcome. [YouTube]


George Lucas To Ruin Barack Obama Story, Too

Wednesday, June 4th, 2008

buttsecks?George Lucas, who created Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark three decades ago and has spent all his time since then trying to ruin them, says his new hero is Barack Obama. In Japan promoting the latest Indiana Jones movie, the Lucasfilm billionaire said he loves Barry so much because “for all of us that have dreams and hope, is a hero.” (?) Lucas says he’s working on a “prequel” about when Obama’s dad was a goat-riding archaeologist on his home planet of Tatooine, where he found a bunch of dumb CGI monsters from space. The computer program Jar Jar Binks will do all the acting. [AFP]


Barack Obama On The Daily Show

Tuesday, April 22nd, 2008

Here is your Barack Obama in the second, less boring part of his Daily Show appearance last night. The part at the end where he says “I’m calling to find out if you’re happy with your cell phone service” in stentorian, inspiring tones will have all you Obama nuts screaming Yes yes I love Verizon while the rest of us wonder if we’ve been been had by old Hopey. MORE »


Barack Will Pay For Your Gas Money, Mr. Hobo!

Friday, March 28th, 2008


This is Barack Obama’s new ad for North Carolina, and it’s about gas money. It’s titled “Nothing’s Changed.” He discusses the Big Oil companies, concluding with “I won’t let them block Change anymore.” What’s the deal here — are he and “Hope” breaking up or something? [YouTube]


You Could Eat Food With Barack, You Poor Maggot

Friday, March 28th, 2008


Here’s the promo for “Dinner with Barack,” the fundraising ploy that many of you keep receiving lurid e-mails from campaign manager David Plouffe about. He has already done one of these group sex dinner-date things before, as this video shows. One lady is so poor that she can’t afford “food,” so thank you Barack. Another lady can afford college because of a thing called the “Hope Program” (not even joking). Then Barack claims that he is a Normal Person because he snores while sleeping with his wife, in Heaven. [YouTube]


Hope For America: Our First Blind Governor!

Thursday, March 13th, 2008

.: :. :: .:Everybody knew 2008 would be a very historic year for various genders and races becoming president, but little did we expect that all of our “melting pot” dreams would come true so soon, and so sweetly. Americans can stand up and feel proud, for we have our first blind governor! MORE »


Barack Obama Thanks Shepard Fairey For All The Free Propaganda

Thursday, March 6th, 2008

Handsome BarryThe guy who did the “Obey” stickers also did a bunch of Barack Obama posters, which you can see everywhere unless you are blind. And now Candidate Obama, because he is a nice fellow with good manners, has written a thank-you note to Shepard Fairey. MORE »


David Brooks Writes About Some Weird Obama Cancer

Tuesday, February 19th, 2008

Here’s a fact: David Brooks wrote the worst column in American History this morning. Well, maybe of this week, or of this morning only. It was definitely the worst New York Times column he wrote today. It involves bird flu, or the measles, or some sort of viral “sensation” where Barack Obama is heroin and Hillary Clinton is the methadone clinic, and hippies are guided by invisible shark spirits. MORE »


Georgia’s Dead Looking For Change

Tuesday, February 5th, 2008

Wonkette’s operative in Georgia, Walt McBride, sends this… haunting image from the cemetery of old Confederate racists. They’ve been so moved by Barack’s Hope that they’re not only disavowing their love of slavery — they’re coming back from the dead to vote!


Romney/Tancredo: The Ticket for Change

Sunday, January 6th, 2008


So guess who Camp Romney sent last night to SPIN for him in the SPIN ZONE? Why former presidential candidate and current racist Tom Tancredo, that’s who! Although he claims that if he had some Messican in him, he would be happy about it. But then wouldn’t we have to deport him?