We have been drawn, via our referrals, to some new thing called the Atlantic Wire, which tells you what every pundit and blogger is writing about at all times! It is the anti-porn. But “incoherence” is our goal here, so thank you weird new hyperspeed Atlantic thing! [Atlantic Wire]

We do not know too much about Jesus literature. What kind of monstrously fucked-up prude porn is in the King James Bible that grants it — and it alone, out of EVERY ITEM EVER MADE — a stay from this North Carolina church’s Hell-o-ween holocaust? Maybe it’s the action scenes. MORE »

• RANDOM DEMOCRAT IN SOUTH CAROLINA GETS RICH, FOR DOING NOTHING: We have been watching the campaign donation tally since last night for Democrat Rob Miller, 2010 opponent of weird shouter guy Joe Wilson, and holy baloney. Earlier today it was $100,000, then $150,000, but according to whatever most recent e-mail whatever liberal organization just sent out, it is now $450,000! Think of all the free Joe Wilson apparel he can buy with this sum, especially with those “South Carolina prices.” [AP]

Mean old Hillary Clinton went to Africa’s Democratic Republic of the Congo today to discuss god knows what, current giraffe prices? Because it’s Africa?? And while she was taking questions in Kinshasa, some curious “Congolese university student” had the gall to “ask her for her husband’s thinking on an international financial matter.” But instead of just laughing it off with a “Ha ha, you don’t respect women in your country, which is why you have a rape epidemic,” Hillary Clinton murdered the student! MORE »

John McCain, who loves town halls so much that one time last summer he ORDERED Barack Obama to appear with him at 7,000 of them (and hopefully pay for them!), has “gone librul” again, now that his own party’s official anti-health reform strategy is to piss all over his favorite “American tradition” throughout August with loud catcalls and armpit farts. Why is John McCain so condescending toward “people from small towns” and their Constitutional right to act retarded at civic functions? [Twitter]

At this weekend’s Young Republicans conference, where an old racist gal was elected President, some bloggers had an opportunity to sit down with “best Republican ever” Michael Steele. Some guy asks him how he plans to bring “diverse populations” into the Republican party. Steele replies, “y’all come,” then some slob in the back says, “I’ll bring the collard greens,” and Steele says, “I got the fried chicken and potato salad.” Ha ha ha! Although Michael Steele is from Africa, so he can say these things. (Guy in the back though??) Anyway, really great conference this weekend, very welcoming. [HuffPo]

One of the worst things about America is how much of it you have to deal with, just to get from Worthwhile Point A to Worthwhile Point B. What if you were, for example, having a nice breakfast in New York at Balthazar or whatever, and you needed to go to Los Angeles for a meeting at the Hotel Figueroa, and then after that you wanted to spend a few days at the Ahwahnee in Yosemite Valley, and then maybe head to New Orleans for the Jazz Festival. Well dear god you would have to deal with so many cretins, rednecks, guidos, crackers, lamers and other teabaggers along the way, it’s just barely worth going at all. MORE »

Let’s see, Oscar nominations, who cares … oh look, nominations for the 2009 Bloggies are out, and whoa, jesus christ, your Wonkette is nominated for Best Weblog About Politics, Most Humorous Weblog and Best Group Weblog. Yikes! Thank you, good peoples, for nominating us, for these magical invisible trophies. MORE »

So, uh, the economy doesn’t seem to be doing much, uh, better. The S&P 500 is back down to 1997 levels. 1997! Everybody’s losing their jobs, if they still have jobs. Some are suggesting it will not even be a Merry Christmas, and that the real (Muslim) Jesus is sort of getting a kick out of all this. But do not worry, because some of you will evade foreclosure until January 9. Christmas is back! MORE »

Now it’s starting to get good. To hell with this FiringOfUSAttorneysGate — sure, if it hangs Gonzo it’s useful, if ever so boring. But with the official House oversight committee’s subpoena of Condi Rice specifically over the faked pre-invasion “intelligence” on Saddam’s mythical WMDs, we are quickly turning in the direction of actual war trials. MORE »