Wonkette

American hero Ted Haggard, the former pastor of a MEGACHURCH in Colorado Springs who quit in 2006 after fucking male prostitutes while on meth, has finally finished his holy “Spiritual Restoration” program, and can do whatever he wants. And all he wants to do is bang his wife and worship Jesus and live in his old house, with Jesus! [AP]

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Aside from old ladies and Bitters, Hillary’s strongest constituency this election has been The Gays, who ironically are just the estranged children of old ladies and Bitters. But now Washington’s own gay Blade newspaper — which had already endorsed Hillary and is home to such famous local homosexual journalists as “Jeff Gannon” — is telling Hillz to leave. MORE »

Here is Barack Obama campaigning today by making out with other men, as usual. This is all he ever does because he only has one testicle, if Acadian fur traders are to be believed. [AP Photo]

Many, many gay homosexuals are angry about North Carolina Governor Mike Easley saying Hillary Clinton made Rocky Balboa look like a pansy. How dare this historic friend of the gays sit idly by while her surrogate throws around these hateful smear words? And how many agujeros de la gloria will Chelsea have to service at The Endup to win back the affections of her mother’s old pals? MORE »

Disgraced “singing senator” Larry Craig will soon have a new career after he leaves the Senate in January after bringing us all a million laughs: The Idaho homosexual will write a book about energy policy! Craig visited some little county somewhere in Idaho last week to push a great new pollution method called a “coal-gassification plant.” MORE »

Pat Robertson has issued a warning to us degenerates, alcoholics, homosexuals and sex-outside-of-wedlock havers: stay off of I-35 (aka, Ron Paul’s NAFTA Superhighway of the End of American Autonomy) or face the love/wrath of God. Above, his minions explain how God’s prophecies have led a bunch of people who kinda scare me to run around trying to convince everyone on I-35 to be more like them, what with the swaying and the crying and the hearing voices. Today, it’s purity sieges on I-35; tomorrow, we Coastal types will be fighting them off like zombies. [Video courtesy of People For the American Way]

Mitt Romney says good-bye to his beloved Senate co-chairman, public-bathroom menace Larry Craig. “His message is resonating with voters and I’m looking forward to helping him on his way to winning the Republican nomination,” Senator Craig said earlier of Romney, between swallows. [Boston Globe]

Talking Points Memo just dug up this amusing anti-homosexual website in Idaho, run by a group of staunch anti-homosexual activists who are also, amusingly, big fans of Senator Larry Craig. Just below a happy photo of the latest Republican politician to be caught hitting up dudes in the public restrooms, there’s a fun post about the gay danger lurking within our nation’s toilet stalls — specifically in the airport restrooms, which of course is where Republican Senator Craig was arrested for soliciting gay sex: MORE »

So it looks like Ron Paul’s going to win the nomination by default. MORE »