Tag Archives: homosexuals

  can we get a ruling on whether it was germane?

Pennsylvania Rep Shuts Gay Democrat’s Mouth For Him

Sup Pennsylvania? Oh, you were just there in your legislature, having your regular old “let’s all get up and jaw about something,” like US House members get to do for the CSPAN cameras when everyone else has gone home for the night, and some GAY tried to talk about the Supreme Court and DOMA? Well, we surely do hope someone shut his mouth for him, for Jesus. Praise the lord, our prayers were answered! Newsworks reports that a gay Dem (as if that is not redundant), Rep. Brian Sims, was trying to stand up and yak and yak about equality, or love, or freedom, or, we don’t know, a HISTORIC SUPREME COURT DECISION that AFFECTS LOTS OF MERKINS, when a True Patriot objected to his remarks, and so Sims was allowed the opportunity to not talk anymore! It takes just one legislator to end the impromptu remarks. Rep. Daryl Metcalfe was one of the House Republicans who objected. “I did not believe that as a member of that body that I should allow someone to make comments such as he was preparing to make that ultimately were just open rebellion against what the word of God has said, what God has said, and just open rebellion against God’s law,” said Metcalfe, R-Butler. Two more Democratic legislators got up to speak in support of Sims. Neither was allowed to proceed. Read more on Pennsylvania Rep Shuts Gay Democrat’s Mouth For Him…
  fail

See The Amazing SF Chronicle Front Page That Accidentally Forgot About Gay Marriage! (Update!)

So here is the San Francisco Chronicle’s front page for today. (It is in “print,” a thing where they put “ink” on “paper.”) You can look and look, but you will not find a story about “gay marriage” on it, in the paper of record for the city so gay Nancy Pelosi’s staffers all wear assless chaps, because BART is ONE STEP CLOSER to a WALKOUT! What are those little top stories above the A-1, for the world and nation fronts? They are: “Australia,” “Africa Trip,” “Filibuster Star,” “Death Penalty,” and “Ancient Horse.” Okay, so they must have covered it below the fold, right? Read more on See The Amazing SF Chronicle Front Page That Accidentally Forgot About Gay Marriage! (Update!)…
  Washed in the Blood

Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)

Sometimes, we here at Yr Wonkette poke fun at Christianist America, just for funsies. Any nutjob can believe whatever wackadoodle things floats their boat, and Yr Wonkette would never call for the deaths of Christians. Especially if one of their own is going to do it for us. Ed Brayton is on it like a ravenous jungle beast: David Lane, who is running Rand Paul’s outreach to evangelical voters for his potential presidential run, has a completely unhinged column at the Worldnutdaily calling on Christians to become martyrs in order to stop same-sex marriage — how, exactly? because it will destroy America. The entire article is no longer available because — no lie — it was actually TOO NUTTY for WND. Srsly — here is the link. They took it down. No explanation, but the only thing one can imagine is that David Lane managed to expel such nausea-inducing crazy-talk that was too awful for the Internet’s renowned home for all things awful. And maybe WND thought a call for “martyrdom” might somehow be taken as an invitation for nutbags to strap on explosive vests? Happily, Yr Wonkette and everyone else can read snippets preserved at Dispatches From The Culture Wars and The Immoral Minority, who quoted large sections before it was all gone, like tears in rain, or farts in the wind. Let’s explore! Read more on Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)…
  jesus slept

Let’s All Laugh At The Christianist ‘Sociologists’ With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!

A guest post from your comrade Darren Sherkat, a real live sociologist who accidentally thoroughly discredited the bullshit Regnerus “homos kill their babies” study. Hey Wonketteers, remember in “college” when you took that course in “sociology”? You know, the one taught by an androgynous hippy, and where you learned about inequality and racism and sexism, and how to become a communist homosexican? Obviously, you passed or you wouldn’t be reading Wonkette! Well, would you believe that there is an Association of Christians Teaching Sociology? No fucking way, you say? Way! Indeed, their keynote speaker for this weekend’s meeting is Marky Mark Regnerus — author of the Bullshit Gay Parenting study! No doubt Marky Mark will be telling his fans about his bullshit study, where he got nearly a million dollars from his boyfriend Bradley Wilcox’s foundation to prove that gays and lesbians make their children homos by molesting them and cause all manner of negative outcomes, too. He did this bullshit study by trolling through an online, non-random marketing study where he asked the trolls who munch Cheetos and fill out questionnaires for monies if their mom or dad ever had a “romantic relationship” with someone of the same sex? Out of 13k non-random trolls, about 245 (depending on which codebook you believe) said yes! Which must mean they were raised by a pack of lesbos, right? Wrong, actually, further analysis inquiries showed that only 2 of the trolls were supposedly raised by lesbians. None of the people were really parented by gays or lesbians. But, in Christian sociology bad data, worse measures, and perfunctory analyses are SCIENCE god damn it, and Marky Mark will be in Illinois telling his little buddies that he proved that gays and lesbians are evil parents! Praise the lord. Read more on Let’s All Laugh At The Christianist ‘Sociologists’ With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!…
  kooks

Vatican Advisor Says True Thing

We here at Wonkette mostly luuuuurve our new pope, New Pope. He is a communist (communism!)! He saved and returned all his newspaper rubber bands every month (loves the environment!)! He went to the slums and did Mass for hookers (like Bizarro American Jesus!)! He did his own cooking and lived in a little apartment and took the bus instead of living in the bishop’s mansion (not greedy!)! He was against priests diddling little children (totally weird!)! He washed girl feet, and Muslim feet, and told the priests to get over themselves already (totally blasphemous!)! He was almost the pope last time around, which meant he was the choice of the liberal cardinals as opposed to Pope Nazi, FOR WHOM WE DID NOT PARTICULARLY CARE. Some of you have your cavils with New Pope, including his reported participation in Argentina’s Dirty War. But others, including the Nobel winner who exposed it, said he was working behind the scenes to pressure the junta. (Perhaps he was not saintly enough to be martyred, but he was not an accomplice.) Do you care? No, you would like to believe the worst, because sometimes you are TERRIBLE. (Also, the billion-member Catholic Church isn’t going away anytime soon, so maybe stop being Naderites letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. Lecture over? MAYBE.) Anyway, the Vatican’s US legal advisor, Edward Peters, whom we do not luuuuurve quite so much as New Pope, said a true thing, and that true thing was this: He said that the dude who shot himself on Notre Dame’s altar, to protest France legalizing gay marriage, made anti-gay-marriage folk look like “kooks.” That is about right, Edward Peters! Read more on Vatican Advisor Says True Thing…
  voicemails of note

Unsuccessful Dallas City Council Candidate Informs Insufficiently Homophobic Reporter Of His Ball-lessness, Resemblance To Lady Bits

As a woman what has been in the media for eeep, more than 22 years (?!), your editrix is not unfamiliar with voicemails of the angrier kind. Over the decades, she has been called a cunt and a Nazi and cunt Nazi, whose attitude could only be adjusted by a proper, good-old-fashioned raping. She has even had candidates for electoral office inform her voicemail that she was fucking DANA ROHRABACHER, for sweet Jesus’s sake. She deserved all these messages, obviously, for being a lady what wrote a newspaper column. But did she deserve it as much as D Magazine’s Dan Koller? Probably not, since Koller did not sufficiently inform his readers that a Dallas City Council candidate was a big homofag, and a gentleman running against said homofag found this untoward! (Audio at preceding link.) Let us listen in. Read more on Unsuccessful Dallas City Council Candidate Informs Insufficiently Homophobic Reporter Of His Ball-lessness, Resemblance To Lady Bits…
  wonksplainer

But What About Gay Messicans?

DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain’t that bad! In fact, they seem almost like actual human beings, so maybe we could, you know, give them FUCKING RIGHTS. HashtagHappyEmoticon. But there is also happy nice time for teh gheyz on Capitol Hill.  As you may have heard, Congress is debating whether or not to allow Messicans to completely overrun the country and take away all our freedoms and spend all our tax monies on anchor babies, through immigration reform. As it turns out, apparently they’re talking about the ghey, as well. Sen. Leahy (D-Rainbows & Smiles) has filed two amendments to let same-sex couples be treated like human beings regarding immigration. The first, stronger one, allows an American in a bi-national same-sex couple to sponsor the non-American for immigration. For example, if an American lady falls in love with a woman here on a work visa (stealing a job from a real Merican), then this amendment would allow that love to flourish here in the U.S. of A., without deporting said foreigner. The second amendment is weaker – it would allow binational GLBTQMORELETTERS couples who are legally married under state law to sponsor for immigration, meaning only those married in the 11 happy happy states that allow gay marriage (and DC, dammit!! We count!!). Clearly, this has caused those on the right to froth like a rabid Paul Ryan (R-Biceps) without his Tiger Beat.  I mean, do these gays want ALL the same rights as straight people? There has to be a line somewhere. And on that line, we would like to build a giant fence, injeebusnamenowgohomeyouhomokthanksbye. But wait, DDM! I noticed that you said the nice SenatorMan “filed two amendments.” What does that mean? Some wonksplanation is needed! Read more on But What About Gay Messicans?…
  we're not bigots you're the ones who're bigots

Niall Ferguson Mansplains Why He Is Sorry About Being Right For Bashing Gays

Last week, Niall Ferguson (an “economic historian” at Harvard) provided a controversial analysis of Keynesian economic policies, arguing that John Maynard Keynes was just too GAY to be a good economist because of something having to do with too much buttseks and no babymaking (no, seriously, this was pretty much exactly what he said.) But don’t worry, it’s cool, he’s sorry you were offended so he has issued an apology, mansplaining that: 1. he cannot possibly be homophobic because he has gay friends, 2. he cannot possibly be racist because he has a Somalian wife, 3. Keynes WAS in fact gay, 4. So there. Do you think we are perhaps jesting, or exaggerating? No, we are not, actually! Here, let us take a tour through Niall Ferguson’s “apology,” noting throughout that THIS IS A HARVARD PROFESSOR. Read more on Niall Ferguson Mansplains Why He Is Sorry About Being Right For Bashing Gays…
  Minnesota Nice Time

Super-Rich Republicans Have Become Totally Selfless And Enlightened About The Whole Gay Marriage Deal

If you’re as old as we are, and have had as much exposure to Reg’lar ‘Murica as we have, you are probably still a bit dizzied at the pace at which the majority of Americans went from “Ew! Gheys!” to “Ah, ain’t that a cute lesbian couple!” We close our eyes, breathe deeply and meditate on this nice trend of niceness whenever someone talks about gun violence, or obesity, or “creation science.” This epidemic of tolerance bleeding toward acceptance (eventually to wind up at Celebration) is not isolated to the Lieberals and Mushy Middle any more, no, sir! Republicans with gay children no longer feel compelled to hide them away in their gay closets, but are emboldened to endorse their civil and human rights, just as if they were regular human beings. This would all be well and good to the Gun and Fambly conservatives, who know that most rich Republicans are going to hell anyway because they belong to weird cults like the Presbyterian or Roman Catholic “churches.” But now, rich Republicans are spending their election munniez speech not to elect wingnuts who reliably back “free” markets as long as they get to spend most of their time opposing abortosodomy but to help gay marriage get legalized!!!11!!! Tony Perkins of the Family Research Council is so disturbed by this trend that he was unable to froth at the mouth about it. He instead merely noted that there aren’t that MANY billionaires devoted to this cause yet. “They have money, but they’re few in number,” Perkins said, presumably with a straight face, before individually writing thank you letters to all 12 members of the One Million Moms. Read more on Super-Rich Republicans Have Become Totally Selfless And Enlightened About The Whole Gay Marriage Deal…
  gays ruin everything

Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too

First the lesby-friends singlehandedly poison-pilled the Violence Against Women Act, by asking if pretty please they could be included in legislation to Stop Beating Your Wife. Now they and their Proud Mary male gay counterparts are ruining Republicans’ chances of ever getting to vote for an immigration bill — because if they don’t it is “demographic” “suicide” “blah” “blah” “blah” — by having their Demoncrat familiars in the House and Senate twirl their mustachios and ask if they wouldn’t like to be able to sponsor immigrant spouses just like the straights! HOW IS A REPUBLICAN SUPPOSED TO VOTE FOR THAT? Next you will be amending the immigration bill to mandate Gay Voodoo Chicken Fuckings in Liberty’s crown/visor thing! Is that open again yet? Can we fuck some chickens there? Read more on Dumb Gays Now Ruining Immigration Bill Too…
  nice time!

Your Tuesday Nice Time: DC Imam Marries Gay Couples, For Creeping Sharia

So it turns out there is this super rad Islamic cleric in Washington, DC, who marries gay couples because, like decent people of all faiths, Imam Daayiee Abdullah just ignores the crazy medieval stuff and focuses on the let’s just love each other part of his faith. “I think we’re at the start of a movement: a more inclusive Islam in America,” says Abdullah, who runs Washington’s Light of Reform mosque and is thought to be the only publicly gay Muslim leader in the Western Hemisphere. “So if you have any same-sex marriages,” he says with a soft smile and a shrug, “I’m available.” Some young Muslims in attendance mumble, “Wow!” and “Seriously?” Seriously. Let’s count the reasons why this is seriously nice: Read more on Your Tuesday Nice Time: DC Imam Marries Gay Couples, For Creeping Sharia…
  here's one weird trick that gasoline companies hate!

Hero GOP Senator’s Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline

Washington state Senator Mike Hewitt is cosponsoring an awesome and superconstitutional antidiscrimination bill, SB 5927. It says you can’t discriminate against people based on their race, country of origin, sexual orientation, etc., unless you really really want to. Cool bill! Very awesome! You may not refuse to do commerce or real estate with someone who is gay or an immigrant or a veteran, unless Jesus told you not to do commerce or real estate with someone who is gay or an immigrant or a veteran. So then a Washingtonian fellow called Mike Hewitt’s office to be like WTF? And according to The Stranger, here is what happened next! During the phone calls, he says he asked staffers some variation of the question “What are rural gays supposed to do if the only gas station or grocery store for miles won’t sell them gas and food?” Castro says the staffer at Hewitt’s office surprised him with the answer “Well, gay people can just grow their own food.” Then they hung up on him, and then they hung up on The Stranger about a million times, because “courage.” Read more on Hero GOP Senator’s Office Tells Gays To Go Grow Their Own Food and Gasoline…
  poker i don't even ... oh never mind

Your Morning Nice Time: Watch New Zealand Burst Into Maori Love Song After Gay Marriage Is Legalized

Our video begins with a person saying something about crocs and biscuits and lorries and WC’s and hobbits and whatnot, we do not know, we do not speak New Zealand. We are just kidding, of course we speak New Zealand, he is asking the people in the gallery not to interrupt. Do they listen to him? They do not! And a minute and change in, after the crowd has burst into applause, a man in the gallery begins to sing a World War I era Maori love song, and then everyone stands and joins in, their love music swelling their lungs and reaching the skies. Read more on Your Morning Nice Time: Watch New Zealand Burst Into Maori Love Song After Gay Marriage Is Legalized…
  from the always look on the bright side of life dept

Your Morning Nice Time: Missouri University Has Gay Kids’ Backs

Can we please talk about something good in the world today, wonketteers? How about a good old blame the gays, but for bringing on a little happy cry for once? As always, the road to gay hell is paved with good intentions and vice versa, so it’s no surprise that this feel-good happy rainbow unicorn story still serves to point out that no matter what, this is America and nothing good happens unless something terrible causes it first, but with that – Hello Missouri! It’s still not always easy being gay. Even on a college campus. After all, if your parents just found out you’re gay and aren’t exactly cool with it, your days on that campus might be numbered. Especially if they’re footing the bills. University of Missouri-Kansas City officials started talking about what they could do to help in that situation, and four years ago created a scholarship for gay students who suddenly find themselves facing a financial crisis. See? A nice thing because of a terribly sad wrong thing. USA USA, etc. But, the fine folks at UMKC are looking to help kids whose parents have cut them off financially for being a gay, and apparently that is a thing that happens a bit: Read more on Your Morning Nice Time: Missouri University Has Gay Kids’ Backs…
  the plane! the plane!

RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual ‘Flight Attendant Realm’

Republican National Committeeman Dave Agema got away with saying Obama and pretty much every terrorist is a Muslim and cutting funding to orphans and skipping budget votes to shoot sheep so it’s no wonder that he’s genuinely surprised other Republicans are now very upset because he turned his trademark awfulness toward the gays. So Agema has gone on the offensive, explaining to a northern Michigan radio host that when he says gays are a terrible threat to our collective health and safety, he’s basically just agreeing with the current Republican platform. Like a stopped clock, even Dave Agema can be right a couple times a day! Agema also explains why gay rights is a deeply person issue for him, just as it is a deeply personal issue for Rob Portman. As a silver fox commercial airline pilot, Agema is a walking gay porn archetype and, well, he can explain it: “I’ve been involved in this issue for years, way back when I worked for American Airlines this became an issue, because we had, you know obviously we had a lot of homosexuals in the flight attendant realm, and, uhh, we had issues.” Read more on RNC Bigot/Ex-Pilot Dave Agema Talks About His Issues Inside Homosexual ‘Flight Attendant Realm’…
  estupidos

Georgia GOP Chair Worried ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’ Will Be A Real Thing

Hey remember that one movie, with the dudes, but they are straight, but they gay marry each other? It looked like it was going to be 90 minutes of gay-panic jokes, but then it was surprisingly sweet, if we recall correctly since we probably watched it on cold medicine because there is no way we would have watched it sober. Well! The chair of the Georgia Republican Party, one Miz Sue Everhart, is terribly terribly worried that if we let gay people get married, straight dudes will enter sham marriages for the health insurance. Because that is a thing. That people worry about. For some reason, we guess. It is nice to see that shitty Adam Sandler movies are influencing this important policy debate. Read more on Georgia GOP Chair Worried ‘I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry’ Will Be A Real Thing…
  let's do the time warp again

Colorado Legalizes Civil Unions, Moves To Desegregate Drinking Fountains Next

Congratulations, Colorado! It is the year of our lord 2013, and you have just now decided to let gay people formalize their relationships even though they put their mouths on men’s wangs and/or ladies’ muffins when they themselves have wangs or muffins. We would be bitchier about this, but Talking Points Memo assures us that in fact only 18 out of 51 jurisdictions (counting the District of Columbia) have seen fit to not treat homosexuals like human garbage when someone’s in the hospital or wants the “special rights” that is not getting punched in the junk when they try to open a joint checking account. Read more on Colorado Legalizes Civil Unions, Moves To Desegregate Drinking Fountains Next…
  show us your wide stance baby

Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss Would Like You To Know How Gay He’s Not

Republican senator and Vietnam-deferring uber-patriot Saxby Chambliss doesn’t care how many of his fellow Republicans, like Ohio Sen. Rob Portman, come out of the closet to support equal rights. Saxby isn’t going to change his mind, because he is NOT gay. Repeat: He is NOT gay. When asked if his views had changed on gay marriage, the Georgia Republican quipped: “I’m not gay. So I’m not going to marry one.” That makes perfect sense, of course, because everyone knows that’s exactly how marriage equality works. If you let the gays gay-marry each other, the not gays like Saxby will be forced to get gay married too, or it is off to the FEMA Camps for him, where he will be fed to lions and also droned. Read more on Georgia Senator Saxby Chambliss Would Like You To Know How Gay He’s Not…
  nice time!

Can’t Say They Didn’t Warn Us: Gays Finally End Straight Marriage Once And For All

How could we have been so blind? Skateboard punk rocker folk singing lefty Michelle Shocked was right, y’all: gay marriage really has ended the world! Well, maybe it hasn’t ended the world. But it has officially ended straight marriage at one church in North Carolina. So we guess we should have been listening to Maggie Gallagher and the National Organization for Marriage and John Boehner and everyone else in the world who isn’t Joe Biden, Rob Portman, or Hillary Clinton, this whole time! Read more on Can’t Say They Didn’t Warn Us: Gays Finally End Straight Marriage Once And For All…