homosexuals
Can’t Say They Didn’t Warn Us: Gays Finally End Straight Marriage Once And For All
How could we have been so blind? Skateboard punk rocker folk singing lefty Michelle Shocked was right, y’all: gay marriage really has ended the world! Well, maybe it hasn’t ended the world. But it has officially ended straight marriage at one church in North Carolina. So we guess we should have been listening to Maggie [...]
Skateboard Punk Rock Folk Singer Lefty Michelle Shocked Does Not Like ‘Fags’
Sorry, fellow 1980s protesters against “nuclear war” and “nuclear power” and “whatever else we were protesting about in the 1980s oh yeah we remember now it was Iran-Contra.” You are now going to have to throw away your cassette tape of “Short Sharp Shocked,” which was the soundtrack to all those protests, because Michelle Shocked, [...]
Radio Lady Wants To Abolish Homosexuality
Well, great – a lady compared a thing to slavery! And it wasn’t abortion this time! Abortion is slavery a lot with some people, you ever notice that? So, what was it now you ask? Yes, yes, it was the homosexuals, of course. They are now apparently “ripping apart people’s lives and families” and we [...]
Laura Bush, Profile In Courage
Former First Lady Laura Bush, do you love gheyz and homosex and done wrote a book where you talked about loving gheyz and homosex and went on Larry King and talked about loving gheyz and homosex? That is very nice of you! You and Dick Cheney, Undead Prince, have that one nice thing in common! [...]
Your Sunday Nice Time! Everything Working Out Awesome For Gay Ohio Cop!
What’s this what’s this? There is a gay cop in Ohio whose police chief stands behind him one hundred percent, and the witchy old mayor lady who was harrassing said gay cop for gayness has quit her job because of it and the whole town is happy? Well if that is not a Sunday Nice [...]
Move Over, Feminist Whores, Now Kevin Swanson Has Thoughts On Gays NAMBLAing All The Homeschooled Children
Kevin Swanson is Wonket’s favoritest person in the whole wide world! First he splained us that college makes your daughters into ugly, angrier-angry feminist whores. Then he informed us that The Pill leaves your womb crusted with zombie babies eating your innards. Now the Christian-dick-radio talker has moved his sights, as seemed long overdue, to [...]
Plagiarizing Cast Of Glee To Perform At Inaugural Ball, Turn Nation Gay
Well this is a fine how do you do! The cast of Glee, which turns teenagers gay, will be performing at some innig inaugural balls alongside such nobodies as Brad Paisley and Alicia Keys, even though they stole their Baby Got Back arrangement from this guy, who stole it fair and square from Dynamite Hack! [...]
Gay Mafia Forces Obama To Cancel Presidential Inauguration; Hugo Chavez To Take Oath Of Office Instead
Like all meaningless ceremonies in Washington (and there are lots), this year’s presidential inaugural has been beset by controversy. And like all controversies in Washington (and there are lots), this was easily avoided by not doing exactly the same thing the last time this issue came up. Yes, once again, President Obama’s inaugural committee appointed [...]
You Are Not Gay Anymore, Thanks To Horse-Fondling School
When you were born, there was always something different about you. When you were little, you were interested in “girl things” like Barbie Dolls and learning. When you were in high school and all the other boys were doing splashy-splashy in the pool with the girls, you were staying in the water getting a boner [...]
Hero Marylander Will Simply Not Have Gays On His Trolley, He Will Not
There is injustice in Maryland, friends. A serious threat to civil rights. It’s about their ballot approval of gay marriage — it’s kicking in, and it’s causing serious issues. You might think the problem is people discriminating against gays, but you would be wrong: The problem is actually people discriminating against people discriminating against gays. [...]
Whiny Gays Finally Get Day in Court, Keep Whining Anyway
Hey gay homosexuals! Be happy! The Supreme Court is going to hear your gay cases about all the sick things you gays do, like get married and serve in the military. Wait, what? You’re NOT uniformly happy that the Supreme Court will hear your gay cases because there’s some complex different issues blah blah blah? [...]
George Takei Takes One For The Team, Has Greatest, Classiest Lunch With Donald Trump
Inventor of Facebook George Takei went where no man should have to go: The Trump Tower Grill at the Trump Tower in New Trump City on the planet Trearth — the greatest and classiest of all the planets! He went to this place with Donald Trump.
Wingnuts Hold Anti-Gay Jeebus Conference In Magical Eastern Mexican Land of ‘Spain’
Have any of our Wonkette readers ever been to a Foreign Country? Haha, oh my heck, no, of course not! All Godjesus-worshipping Americans know that all other countries are full of squalor and general brown-ness and should only be visited for the purposes of converting their heathen denizens to the one true religion of American [...]
Wingnuts Can’t Even Agree On Best Way To Hate Fags Anymore
As we at Wonkette are obviously a pro-family, conservative Christian news establishment, we long for the days when Americans of all stripes could come together to show our mutual disdain for the Homosexican Agenda, but now that ‘Murka has gone and voted for the black guy again, our coalition is broken and fractured, to the [...]
Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer Lady Spread Gospel, Teen Girl’s Legs With (Alleged) Cross-Border Child Porn
It has been at least a week since someone involved in an anti-gay Christian group was found with a hooker’s penis in his bottom or (allegedly) diddling a child, and a week is five years in Blowvember-time. Luckily, Lisa Biron, a New Hampshire lawyer associated with the “Alliance Defending Freedom,” has gotten herself into a [...]
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