Tag Archives: homosexuals

  who's on top?

Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other’s Bottoms

ZOMG you guys, the Weekly Standard has proof Barack Obama and Old Handsome Joe Biden are doing gay sex in each other’s bottoms, like we just said in the headline. Are you ready? Are you ready for this terrible proof? ARE YOU SURE????? Okay then. Follow us after the jump to see the SHOCKING EXPOSE that is the entirety of the Weekly Standard’s post on this SHOCKINGLY EXPOSED topic! Read more on Weekly Standard: Barack Obama And Joe Biden Held Hands So They Are Definitely Doing Gay Sex In Each Other’s Bottoms…
  it is with pat robertson's special cockrings probably

Did You Know Homosexuals Commit Half Of All Big City Murders? It Is Probably ‘True’

Wonket BFF Bradlee Dean was on the radio again, you guys, where he said things, with his facehole! And he had on another guy, Jake McMillan, who said things with his facehole too! (Jake is the one bringing the “facts”; Bradleeeeee is the one blindly agreeing.) So if you are not ready to have some TRUTH beaten into you with the ROD OF CORRECTION, then we suggest you GET READY! Because the truth, it is a-comin’! (But not in a gay way.) Read more on Did You Know Homosexuals Commit Half Of All Big City Murders? It Is Probably ‘True’…
  nice time!

Friday Nice Time: WWE Wrestler Exits Closet, What Are You Gonna Do About It?

As a reward to our loyal readers for slogging through a week of stories that would probably have even the Brady Bunch chugging hemlock together, we present today’s Nice Time, wherein a man who makes his living oiling his body and wrestling other men while wearing nothing but short shorts reveals that he is indeed a proud Homo-American. Meet Darren Young, a superstar of the World Wrestling Entertainment organization. While passing through the baggage claim at Los Angeles International Airport yesterday, a TMZ cameraman stopped to chat and wound up with quite a scoop: “A videographer stopped Young while he was getting his bags at LAX Wednesday and asked the 33-year-old if he thinks a gay wrestler could be successful within the WWE organization. ‘Absolutely,’ Young said, laughing. ‘Look at me. I’m a WWE Superstar and, to be honest with you, I’ll tell you right now, I’m gay, and I’m happy. Very happy.'” Read more on Friday Nice Time: WWE Wrestler Exits Closet, What Are You Gonna Do About It?…
  boooo ... urns!

Which Gay One-Legged Iraq War Veterans Are We Booing In San Antonio Today?

My my, San Antonio, you certainly are getting “Wonkette famous” this morning! First we listened to that fun secret recording of Councilwoman Elisa Chan’s staff trying to figure out how to keep their thoughts on dog-marrying and cat-marrying from getting out into the general public. And now comes word that at Wednesday’s City Council meeting, where the topic was an apparently “controversial” proposed addition to the city’s nondiscrimination law, y’all booed at a gay veteran who lost his leg in Iraq! Man, you guys are really winning friends and influencing people! Read more on Which Gay One-Legged Iraq War Veterans Are We Booing In San Antonio Today?…
  san francisco values

Listen To A Bunch Of Idiots On San Antonio Councilwoman’s Staff Try To Figure Out: What Makes A Gay?

San Antonio Councilwoman Elisa Chan just does not understand these disgusting teh gheyz and their gay sex in the butt and why they should adopt the children and other things, because seeing two women kissing confuses the childrens and is against nature, whatever. But she does not want to beat up on teh gheyz, so she hopes her staff will help her throw in some confusion into the issue of a nondiscrimination ordinance so that she does not have to state in front of other people how disgusting she finds the homosexing. Cool cool, that’s cool. Read more on Listen To A Bunch Of Idiots On San Antonio Councilwoman’s Staff Try To Figure Out: What Makes A Gay?…
  do it in the butt

Should Gay Marriage Be Outlawed Because Gays Can’t Sex Each Other In Missionary? Your Wonkette Investigates

We thought we had heard all the excuses for why gay people should be denied the right to get married, but this is a new one: An anti-gay politico in Mexico, Ana María Jiménez Ortiz, has determined that gay people should not get marriage because gay people do not face one another during sex: “Marriage should only be considered as those relationships in which the members have sex facing each other, which does not occur between homosexual couples.” This raises all sorts of important questions, and your Wonket intends to get to the bottom of them. Read more on Should Gay Marriage Be Outlawed Because Gays Can’t Sex Each Other In Missionary? Your Wonkette Investigates…
  inquiring minds don't actually give a shit

How Is Obama Secretly Gaying Today?

Everyone knows Barack Obama is probably secretly a gay homosexual gay. It’s just so obvious, isn’t it, what with his, like, probably gayness? He sure sets off Fox “News” mouth-breather and Brooklyn food co-op enthusiast Todd Starnes’s gaydar (which, um, we thought only other gays and their single-lady hags-we-mean-allies had, so, uh, what does that say about Starnes, hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm?) but anyhoo, when he’s not fighting Creeping ShariaTM, he’s looking out for Obama’s gay so you don’t have to, not that you would because you have better things to do, like watch paint dry or alphabetize your M&Ms: On August 9, President Obama stated his opposition to Russia’s strict anti-gay laws, which could threaten openly gay Olympians and visitors during the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi. At a press conference, Obama said “nobody’s more offended than me by some of the anti-gay and -lesbian legislation that we’ve been seeing in Russia.” Starnes – who has become Fox News’ resident mouthpiece for anti-gay hate groups – used Obama’s comment to suggest the president might be admitting to being gay[.] Well, ZOMG! and shit. The president is offended by a blatantly bigoted policy, which must mean he’s a secret homosexual, because what else could it mean? Certainly not that he was offended by a blatantly bigoted policy; that’s too obvious. Read more on How Is Obama Secretly Gaying Today?…
  don't trust anyone over 30

New Pope Wants Kids Wilding In The Streets

Here is a gay fever dream I wrote for you. New Pope is wildin’ out! Way down in nutty Brazil-land, New Pope continues to New Pope it up in his trademark New Pope style: visitin’ prisoners, ridin’ around in an open-air car thing, yellin’ at rich people to do more for po’ folk. (And please peep this photo of these hot young chicks Beliebering out over the pontiff.) And the other day, he said a thing that is decidedly punk rawk (you know, for a pope): Earlier, in an interview with the O Globo broadcasting network in Rio, he again voiced support for young demonstrators who have been protesting excessive government spending and the lack of education and health services. “A young person who does not protest, I do not like,” the pope said. Ha-ha, fooled you, godless liberal pond scum! You thought your authoress was going to talk about the chill thing New Pope said about gays, but whoa no, she took a sharp left turn because she is a maverick like Smilin’ Joe Biden and will not conform to your tired expectations! Nor will this New Pope, for that matter. Read more on New Pope Wants Kids Wilding In The Streets…
  baptize your dead! baptize your dead!

Gay Satanists Pull A Romney All Over Fred Phelps’s Mom

Do you see these pretty ladies kissing, on the grave of Fred Phelps’s mom? Well, BOOM! Now she is gay, in the afterlife. It is true, according to the Satanic Temple, and if you can’t believe the Satanic Temple, who can you believe? But is there more? Yes, there is more! Read more on Gay Satanists Pull A Romney All Over Fred Phelps’s Mom…
  can we get a ruling on whether it was germane?

Pennsylvania Rep Shuts Gay Democrat’s Mouth For Him

Sup Pennsylvania? Oh, you were just there in your legislature, having your regular old “let’s all get up and jaw about something,” like US House members get to do for the CSPAN cameras when everyone else has gone home for the night, and some GAY tried to talk about the Supreme Court and DOMA? Well, we surely do hope someone shut his mouth for him, for Jesus. Praise the lord, our prayers were answered! Newsworks reports that a gay Dem (as if that is not redundant), Rep. Brian Sims, was trying to stand up and yak and yak about equality, or love, or freedom, or, we don’t know, a HISTORIC SUPREME COURT DECISION that AFFECTS LOTS OF MERKINS, when a True Patriot objected to his remarks, and so Sims was allowed the opportunity to not talk anymore! It takes just one legislator to end the impromptu remarks. Rep. Daryl Metcalfe was one of the House Republicans who objected. “I did not believe that as a member of that body that I should allow someone to make comments such as he was preparing to make that ultimately were just open rebellion against what the word of God has said, what God has said, and just open rebellion against God’s law,” said Metcalfe, R-Butler. Two more Democratic legislators got up to speak in support of Sims. Neither was allowed to proceed. Read more on Pennsylvania Rep Shuts Gay Democrat’s Mouth For Him…
  fail

See The Amazing SF Chronicle Front Page That Accidentally Forgot About Gay Marriage! (Update!)

So here is the San Francisco Chronicle’s front page for today. (It is in “print,” a thing where they put “ink” on “paper.”) You can look and look, but you will not find a story about “gay marriage” on it, in the paper of record for the city so gay Nancy Pelosi’s staffers all wear assless chaps, because BART is ONE STEP CLOSER to a WALKOUT! What are those little top stories above the A-1, for the world and nation fronts? They are: “Australia,” “Africa Trip,” “Filibuster Star,” “Death Penalty,” and “Ancient Horse.” Okay, so they must have covered it below the fold, right? Read more on See The Amazing SF Chronicle Front Page That Accidentally Forgot About Gay Marriage! (Update!)…
  Washed in the Blood

Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)

Sometimes, we here at Yr Wonkette poke fun at Christianist America, just for funsies. Any nutjob can believe whatever wackadoodle things floats their boat, and Yr Wonkette would never call for the deaths of Christians. Especially if one of their own is going to do it for us. Ed Brayton is on it like a ravenous jungle beast: David Lane, who is running Rand Paul’s outreach to evangelical voters for his potential presidential run, has a completely unhinged column at the Worldnutdaily calling on Christians to become martyrs in order to stop same-sex marriage — how, exactly? because it will destroy America. The entire article is no longer available because — no lie — it was actually TOO NUTTY for WND. Srsly — here is the link. They took it down. No explanation, but the only thing one can imagine is that David Lane managed to expel such nausea-inducing crazy-talk that was too awful for the Internet’s renowned home for all things awful. And maybe WND thought a call for “martyrdom” might somehow be taken as an invitation for nutbags to strap on explosive vests? Happily, Yr Wonkette and everyone else can read snippets preserved at Dispatches From The Culture Wars and The Immoral Minority, who quoted large sections before it was all gone, like tears in rain, or farts in the wind. Let’s explore! Read more on Rand Paul Aide Has Cunning Plan To Stop Gay Marriage, Seeks Lions Willing To Devour Him (Updated)…
  jesus slept

Let’s All Laugh At The Christianist ‘Sociologists’ With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!

A guest post from your comrade Darren Sherkat, a real live sociologist who accidentally thoroughly discredited the bullshit Regnerus “homos kill their babies” study. Hey Wonketteers, remember in “college” when you took that course in “sociology”? You know, the one taught by an androgynous hippy, and where you learned about inequality and racism and sexism, and how to become a communist homosexican? Obviously, you passed or you wouldn’t be reading Wonkette! Well, would you believe that there is an Association of Christians Teaching Sociology? No fucking way, you say? Way! Indeed, their keynote speaker for this weekend’s meeting is Marky Mark Regnerus — author of the Bullshit Gay Parenting study! No doubt Marky Mark will be telling his fans about his bullshit study, where he got nearly a million dollars from his boyfriend Bradley Wilcox’s foundation to prove that gays and lesbians make their children homos by molesting them and cause all manner of negative outcomes, too. He did this bullshit study by trolling through an online, non-random marketing study where he asked the trolls who munch Cheetos and fill out questionnaires for monies if their mom or dad ever had a “romantic relationship” with someone of the same sex? Out of 13k non-random trolls, about 245 (depending on which codebook you believe) said yes! Which must mean they were raised by a pack of lesbos, right? Wrong, actually, further analysis inquiries showed that only 2 of the trolls were supposedly raised by lesbians. None of the people were really parented by gays or lesbians. But, in Christian sociology bad data, worse measures, and perfunctory analyses are SCIENCE god damn it, and Marky Mark will be in Illinois telling his little buddies that he proved that gays and lesbians are evil parents! Praise the lord. Read more on Let’s All Laugh At The Christianist ‘Sociologists’ With An Actual Sociologist Who Is Not Dumb!…
  kooks

Vatican Advisor Says True Thing

We here at Wonkette mostly luuuuurve our new pope, New Pope. He is a communist (communism!)! He saved and returned all his newspaper rubber bands every month (loves the environment!)! He went to the slums and did Mass for hookers (like Bizarro American Jesus!)! He did his own cooking and lived in a little apartment and took the bus instead of living in the bishop’s mansion (not greedy!)! He was against priests diddling little children (totally weird!)! He washed girl feet, and Muslim feet, and told the priests to get over themselves already (totally blasphemous!)! He was almost the pope last time around, which meant he was the choice of the liberal cardinals as opposed to Pope Nazi, FOR WHOM WE DID NOT PARTICULARLY CARE. Some of you have your cavils with New Pope, including his reported participation in Argentina’s Dirty War. But others, including the Nobel winner who exposed it, said he was working behind the scenes to pressure the junta. (Perhaps he was not saintly enough to be martyred, but he was not an accomplice.) Do you care? No, you would like to believe the worst, because sometimes you are TERRIBLE. (Also, the billion-member Catholic Church isn’t going away anytime soon, so maybe stop being Naderites letting the perfect be the enemy of the good. Lecture over? MAYBE.) Anyway, the Vatican’s US legal advisor, Edward Peters, whom we do not luuuuurve quite so much as New Pope, said a true thing, and that true thing was this: He said that the dude who shot himself on Notre Dame’s altar, to protest France legalizing gay marriage, made anti-gay-marriage folk look like “kooks.” That is about right, Edward Peters! Read more on Vatican Advisor Says True Thing…