Tag Archives: homosexuals

  helping a buddy out

Americans Pretty Much All Gay Now, According To Science

Out of the mouths of babes.
Out of the mouths of babes. Good news for all you gays and gay-loving humans out there! According to science, basically all the U.S. Americans are Doing The Gay now, having completely abandoned God-Fearing Christian Morality for the much greener grass of “It’s just skin, baby, it’s just skin.” Okay, maybe we are exaggerating when we say “basically all the U.S. Americans,” but according to a new YouGov poll, ALMOST A THIRD of American youngs say they’re not totally hetero, which means that hot straight man or man-lady you’ve always had that secret crush on? The one you’ve always been like, “Oh whatever, he is mostly straight, but I suspect that given the right combination of alcohol and spontaneity could get me RIGHT in those pants”? It’s probably true: Read more on Americans Pretty Much All Gay Now, According To Science…
  Christian martyrs

Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler

Ready for another dumb Hitler analogy, because this is the week where we do those? Let’s get reacquainted with Aaron and Melissa Klein, who decided to be martyrs just like Jesus, by refusing to make a cake for a lesbian wedding. Then they lost their bakery, because they are twats, and then Satan personally attacked them by canceling their GoFundMe, which they planned to use to pay the fine they owed the state of Oregon, for the crime of being twats. This was obviously more persecution, because it says right there in the book of Romans that all good Christians are entitled to a GoFundMe. Read more on Gay-Hating Oregon Bakers Real Tired Of Getting Concentration Camped By Hitler…
  it's about ethics in gay-men journalism

Looks Like Gawker’s Got Some Job Openings, Y’all

Last week, the media-hijinks website Gawker made a wee oopsy. It posted a story about some guy — literally, just some guy — attempting to step out on his wife with a gay porn star who then tried to blackmail our hero. (It was not, bizarrely enough, an expose of the blackmailer but of the blackmailee.) The Internet responded poorly to the outing of a private person on the word of an extortionist with mental health issues, and after so much outcry, Gawker’s board of directors took the unprecedented step of removing the post from the web. It was long after the horse was out of the boxer briefs, but you do what you can. Now all the top editors are quitting their jobs at Gawker, and also losing their shit! It’s about editorial independence! And the right to out closeted married guys! Read more on Looks Like Gawker’s Got Some Job Openings, Y’all…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth

No, *you're* the most basic of jokes.
It’s been a quiet week in the old deleted comments queue; we somehow managed not to trigger any long manifestos from wingnuts about sovereignty or the UN Agenda 21 plot to pollute and impurify our precious bodily fluids. We’ll try harder. We did get one notable tsk-tsk about our terrible conduct from “TheLongVersion,” who was not at all pleased with all the cruelty directed toward poor innocent George Zimmerman, who once again found himself in trouble last week: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Welcome To The Cesspool Of Filth…
  see you in court bitch

Totally Normal Nebraska Lady Would Like To See ALL GAYS In Court Right Now!

Yep, totally guilty of gayness. Not sorry.
Oh, our litigious society! Here is a lady you will want to get to know very well, named Sylvia Driskell, resident of Auburn, Nebraska, and if you are a gay homosexual, she’s gonna need you to appear in court and answer to her charges against you, because she has filed a federal lawsuit against ALL GAYS. She was probably sitting at the dinner table with her family and bitching about all ‘dem lezbo-fags for the eleventy-millionth time, when one of her weary family members was like “Well, why doncha make a federal case out of it, SYLVIA?” And she replied, “OKAY I WILL!” Read more on Totally Normal Nebraska Lady Would Like To See ALL GAYS In Court Right Now!…
  The new McCarthyism is just as gay as the Old McCarthyism

Good Christians To Smoke All The Homosexuals Out Of 2016 Candidates’ Hidey-Holes

This time we'll burn the GAY witches!
It’s very tough to be a “family values” conservative these days! The Republican Party, for many years now, has viewed its wingnut anti-gay base as A Great Big Useful Idiot, so they all have a contest to see who can pay them the most lip service about God Hates Fags, and then they elect people who totally BETRAY THEM by failing to ban gays from even existing. Ken Mehlman used to run the RNC, and then he magically turned into a homosexual and now fights for so-called gay “marriage.” Laura Bush thinks it’s okay for the homosexuals to get married too! And do not even get them STARTED on Cindy and Meghan McCain, those gay-lovin’ bitches. So a group of wingnuts that calls itself the American Renewal Project has decided to go full McCarthy, investigating all the 2016 candidates, as well as their families and staff members, to see what kinda homosexuals and gay-lovers they’re hiding: Read more on Good Christians To Smoke All The Homosexuals Out Of 2016 Candidates’ Hidey-Holes…
  No not his Catholic church his other church

Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp

Marco Rubio may very well believe this is happening right now, in the sky.
Marco Rubio has two churches in Miami. One, as you might imagine, is the Catholic kind, because the Cuban-American Rubio is Catholic. The other one is a ginormous Baptist affair, featuring demon-wrasslin’, homo-hatin,’ and a sincerely held religious belief that Jesus rode a dinosaur. But how can a person be both Catholic and Baptist at the same time? Let’s Wonksplore! Read more on Surprise! Marco Rubio’s Church Is Full Of Demon-Wrasslers, Gay-Haters And Creationist Derp…
  let them not eat cake

Fundie Indiana Cake Bakers ‘Forced’ To Close Due To Gays Wanting Cake

Artworks like this reserved for True Christians.
Randy and Tish McGath were just normal fundamentalist assholes with a propensity for frosting. They opened a nice place called the 111 Cakery in a very gayborhood-y part of Indianapolis, so that they might witness to the homosexuals through decorative baking. But that all changed, are you Wonkers ready to weep as you learn the tale of the latest Christians who have been beaten and murdered by gays, due to their sincerely held religious beliefs? Well, you’re OUT OF LUCK, because this is just another one of those dumb stories about wingnuts voluntarily deciding to close down shop (they use the word “forced” because it sounds martyr-y, not because it’s true) because they don’t want to risk Jesus sending them to hell for selling celebratory baked goods for gay weddings: Read more on Fundie Indiana Cake Bakers ‘Forced’ To Close Due To Gays Wanting Cake…
  best thing to come from kentucky since hunter s. thompson

With Kentucky Decision, Nation Running Dangerously Low On States Without Marriage Equality

If it’s Tuesday, this must be another post about a federal judge throwing out a state law banning same-sex marriage. The lucky winner this time around is Kentucky, where U.S. District Judge John G. Heyburn II overturned the state’s 2004 constitutional amendment against gay unions, writing another of those decisions (PDF link) that aim for a memorable turn of phrase: In America, even sincere and long-hold religious beliefs do not trump the constitutional rights of those who happen to have been out-voted. Yep, that’s pretty good. But is there more? There is more. Read more on With Kentucky Decision, Nation Running Dangerously Low On States Without Marriage Equality…
  the love that dare not speak its name

Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever

Remember how there was a time when it seemed like we might be entirely free of Ralph Reed and his sanctimonious toothiness? But somehow he rose like a smug phoenix from the flames, and now we have to endure his assertions that hating on the gays is still totally good for Republican business. Question: how bad does someone like Ralph Reed have to fuck up before no one will listen to him? Hahaha trick question the answer is never. Ralph Reed will be with us, faux-pious, until the end of time, and he will never stop advising the GOP that opposing gay marriage is a sure-fire winner. Read more on Ralph Reed: Gay-Bashing + Unskewed Polls = GOP (Bondage And) Dominance 4 Ever…
  everybody loves the garbage man

S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’

Buttsechs. Some people like to do it in their butts, while other people like to pay their rent owning mommyblogs that for some weird reason unknown to G_d or man (COUGH ANA MARIE COUGH) have become synonymous with anal loving. Still other people like to be elected representatives of the people of South Dakota and post long long SO LONG letters about how butts are “garbage alleys” and lesbians should not have weiners in their butts onto their Faceplace pages when the Argus Leader determines their letters to the editor to be a little much for your morning Grape Nuts. In his masterpiece, “A One Way Alley for the Garbage Truck,” state Rep. Steve Hickey proclaims a great many common-sense things. We shall explore them, together. Read more on S.D. Representative Does Not Care For You Lesbians Putting Weiners In Your ‘Garbage Alley’…
  will nobody think of wonkette's children?

Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)

This is TOTALLY FUCKED, guys. Not only is Jan Brewer, Arizona governatrix, continuing to take her meds, but she apparently has inspired her state’s senators, Herrs McCain and Flake, to pick up some Lithium as well. And now she has come out, looking good, and explaining that she has vetoed SB 1062, the desperately needed bill to protect Arizonans from mean gays suing the fuck out of them if they discriminate in their public accommodations (that means, like, “business”), which has caused fucking idiots like Ben Shapiro to be fucking idiots, again, and whine about the big mean government making them bake gay cakes. (Hint: Harvard Law grad Ben Shapiro is bad at law.) Read more on Jan Brewer Being Uncrazy Again, Some More (Video)…
  locker room chemistry is ph-balanced for manly men

Vince Lombardi Was Totally Gay For Gay Football Players Because Vince Lombardi Wasn’t A Jerk

When Michael Sam is drafted — it should be a matter of when not if, because if Sam liked lady bits, there would no question he would get drafted — Sam would be the first openly gay professional athlete in a major American team sport. Read more on Vince Lombardi Was Totally Gay For Gay Football Players Because Vince Lombardi Wasn’t A Jerk…
  oh no! they've ve killed princess sparkle pony!

What If You Could Count Your Brain Cells As They Die While Reading Something By Ben Shapiro?

It’s kind of a trick question, because of course you won’t be able to ever actually count your brain cells as they wither and pass while you read something by Ben Shapiro. Nobody can count that high! But you sure can FEEL them dying! Most people would interpret this sensation as being bored or ow, I rolled my eyes too hard, but make no mistake: those brain cells are gone and they’re never coming back. It’s too late for me, because I’ve already read – twice! – this thing by Shapiro (warning: Breitbart) about that sportsball player, the football one who said he loves the cock, and it is a doozy. Turns out it’s all a big media hoax/conspiracy, and worse, a trap! It’s tempting to call Ben Shapiro’s argument circular, but it’s more like a Möbius strip, never-ending and one-sided. Click “read more” to see more of my thoughts ‘n’ stuff on this amazing piece of writing before my cranial neurons finally give up the ghost and surrender forever. Read more on What If You Could Count Your Brain Cells As They Die While Reading Something By Ben Shapiro?…
  they're just two girls who cain't say no

Open Wide, Oklahoma, It Is Your Turn For Some Gay Marriage Throat-Ramming And Cramming

Are you familiar with this state “Oklahoma”? It’s one of the ones in the middle there. It’s full of Democrats who voted for Randall Terry for president — actually beating sitting “Democrat” “president” Barack Obama in the primaries — probably because it is full of super-lefty civil libertarians who hate drones and banks or something, definitely not because they hate the black guy. Well, now some federal judge has gone and crammed some Satan down Oklahoma’s throats, and by “Satan,” naturally, we mean “gay cock,” probably pierced a bunch of times up and down the shaft and definitely sporting a little cock-sized leather vest, with friiiinge on top. Read more on Open Wide, Oklahoma, It Is Your Turn For Some Gay Marriage Throat-Ramming And Cramming…
  virginia creeper

Virginia State Sen. Thomas Garrett Will End Teenage Oral Sexing Forever With This One Weird Bill

You might think that the wingnuts in the Commonwealth of Virginia might have a bit of a sad, what with their candidates losing the top three statewide electoral spots a couple months back. You might also think that they would have a smidgen of a doubt, after that defeat, about the wisdom of pushing an agenda that contributed to their guys’ big loss. Naaaaaah. State Sen. Thomas A. Garrett is a “constitutional conservative” –says so right on his FacePlace — which means he’s most likely convinced that the only reason Ken Cuccinelli isn’t going to be sworn in as governor is that he didn’t push hard enough on the holy crusade to make homosex illegal again. And by golly, Garrett has introduced an “emergency” bill to bring back Virginia’s “crimes against nature” law — and since the meanypants SCOTUS won’t allow states to criminalize what consenting adults do with their danglybits and ladygardens, the new bill will only apply to minors, who must be protected from blowjobs, buttsechs, and eating at the Y. All that sodomizin’ would now become a felony, and any teenagers doing blowjobs in the backseat will be subject to having a felony conviction following them around for life. Not that the law would ever really be applied to straight boys and girls in practice, of course — P-E-N-I-S goes in vagina is not affected by the bill. This is firmly aimed at criminalizing young gheys. You know, to protect the kids. Read more on Virginia State Sen. Thomas Garrett Will End Teenage Oral Sexing Forever With This One Weird Bill…