Tag Archives: homosexuality

  you tell 'em

Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger is so proud of his image as the CEO of a lucrative club for child rapists who runs around modeling Prada shoes and phallic hats that he is going to celebrate, by scolding some nuns for failing to be enough like the Pope. He ordered one of his henchmen to sneak up on a group of American nuns visiting the Vatican this week and give them a letter informing them generally of their neglect for their fundamental Catholic duty to worry feverishly about other people’s genitalia while also ridiculing them specifically for their work advocating for social justice and tending to the poor and sick. Think we’re exaggerating even the tiniest bit? Take bets now! (Just kidding. Don’t, because that would be foolish.) Read more on Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope…
  makes us wonder what else michele uses jim the election guy for

Here’s Video of Michele Bachmann’s Very Not-Gay Flaming Husband

Wonkette’s Evan Hurst posts this video of Michele Bachmann’s husband at another blog, because he is two-timing us, and we shall now cry like Meg McCain about this. This video’s description says Marcus Bachmann likes to cure homosexuals of their gayness “as part of his therapy practice.” (By out-gaying them?) Read more on Here’s Video of Michele Bachmann’s Very Not-Gay Flaming Husband…
  bet those two have lain in sin with north korea

AFA: Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter Need To Hurry Up and Hate Gays Again

Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter have surprised people lately, by seeming to be pretty tolerant of the gays. But don’t expect that tolerance to get past the Jesus fishes at the American Family Association! These teevee pundits have gone “AWOL in the culture war,” going from “sexually normal” soldiers for Christendom to veritable illegally gay laissez-faire (the French word for “gay”) soldiers, according to the AFA. “If Homocon is Elliott Spitzer, you are in danger of becoming the Ashley Dupre of the conservative movement,” they say of Coulter. Somebody call Krauthammer! We’ve found a brilliant analogist! (Haha, “anal-ogist.”) Read more on AFA: Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter Need To Hurry Up and Hate Gays Again…
  check 'yes' for crazy

PAC Questionnaire Collects Some More of Sharron Angle’s Fun Beliefs

The AP obtained a PAC questionnaire filled out by Sharron Angle, and surprisingly, it reveals that she has some interesting beliefs! The questionnaire had 36 questions and boxes to mark “yes” or “no,” so thankfully it was easy for Sharron Angle to fill out. The PAC “Government Is Not God” has endorsed her campaign. Government Is Not God sounds like it is against lawmaking based on religion, but they are apparently dumb, because it’s really the opposite; they say they seek “the election to Congress of men and women who hold conservative beliefs on both moral and economic issues.” So “God Should Be Government” would be a better name. Anyway, they have some fun ideas about social policies (especially involving the gays!) and Sharron Angle answered “yes” to every one of their questions. Read more on PAC Questionnaire Collects Some More of Sharron Angle’s Fun Beliefs…
  soar like the proud eagle you are

TRAGEDY: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Has Ended His Bid For U.S. Senate

Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. was supposed to be the FUTURE. Now our paranoid schizophrenic angel has decided to give up on us after failing to make it on the ballot. Pagels called Wonkette, the world’s number-one source for Pagels information (besides that Wisconsin court database) to deliver the bad news. “I’m just letting you know I’m getting out of the race for U.S. Senate,” he said, heartbreakingly. “God bless you.” At times like these it is easy to decide that you will never be elected to office. But that is not what HISTORY says. Read more on TRAGEDY: Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Has Ended His Bid For U.S. Senate…
  the merrill howard kalin show

WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview

We all learned a lot about Wisconsin Republican candidate for U.S. Senate and future President Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. last week. And since then, we’ve had the chance to speak with him, for over a half hour. It was an entertaining interview. Did you know that Pagels is well-versed in most of our favorite conservative issues? In addition to being opposed to homosexuality, abortion and pornography (the “Pagels Trifecta”), he is also a birther, for example. Yet, completely coincidentally, he tells Wonkette in this exclusive interview that he’s also a paranoid schizophrenic! Read more on WONKETTE EXCLUSIVE: The Ernest J. Pagels, Jr. Interview…
  internet joke

Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy

Martial artist and famed Mike Huckabee supporter Chuck Norris has some sort of column on WorldNetDaily, and in the past few weeks he has exposed Barack Obama’s secret hatred of the Boy Scouts. Obama, you see, refuses to acknowledge the Boy Scouts, who are apparently very important in public policy and global affairs, and he also refuses to attend their anniversary jamboree thing. BUT THAT IS JUST THE TIP OF ICEBERG. Read more on Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy…
  dead finks don't talk too well

Oral Roberts, Dead As The Dickens

By popular request, the latest dead person’s most lasting homage to his Heterosexual God: “The vagina. Only one organ made can bring forth life. It’s the male organ. It’s not, in lesbianism, for the tongue of a female goes into the vagina of another female. It’s not in the male, where the male organ goes into the part of the body where the… the waste matter comes out of the body as poison, and he penetrates that part of the body in homosexuality. It’s not to be put in the mouth of the man, or the mouth of the man or the woman…. It is the male organ, penetrating the vagina of the woman, the male and the female.” [NYT] Read more on Oral Roberts, Dead As The Dickens…
  warren/santelli '12

Rick Warren Finally Denounces Ugandan ‘Kill All Gays’ Legislation

Hey give some credit to old Rick Warren, for finally publicly condemning the Ugandan Anti-Homosexuality bill, on the Internet. While it’s a little late and incredibly convoluted (“Uhh uhh I have been secretly involved in quiet negotiations this whole time so uhh uhh shut up, lying bloggers”), it’s a much better public stance than “I’m not getting involved in that whole logical end-product of fanatical born-again Christianity that I helped bring to this deeply homophobic nation.” [YouTube] Read more on Rick Warren Finally Denounces Ugandan ‘Kill All Gays’ Legislation…
  men without women

New Film Has Important Information About Charlie Crist!

Oh brother, here we go again. Charlie Crist, the governor of Florida, is known for precisely two things: being orange, and having a dreadful porn mustache in the 1970s, which was the style at the time. Everybody likes to make jokes about how (allegedly!) gay he is, jokes that were only made more hilarious by his engagement to a lady right around the time last year that John McCain was supposed to pick him as his running “mate.” Read more on New Film Has Important Information About Charlie Crist!…
 

Closeted Homosexuality Endorses Mitt In South Carolina

The most attractive human android on the planet, Olympics Gov. Mitt Romney, wins the award for gayest supporter buttons ever. But at least he’ll save the cars in Detroit by hi-jacking Mexican planes and turning all fetuses into golden Mormon necklaces. That’s his platform. Altavista it. [Getty Image by Stephen Morton] Read more on Closeted Homosexuality Endorses Mitt In South Carolina…
 

Homosexuality Is a Sin, and Huckabee’s a Sinner

newVideoPlayer("Huck_Homo_Snapper.flv", 475, 376,"");Just kidding! Well, he does say it’s a sin, and that he’s a sinner but he’s totes not a man who would choose that gay lifestyle because the “traditional concept of sexual behavior” is breeding, period. The danger with sex today, people, is that homosexuality is one of many “publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations.” Other publicly endorsed aberrations, according to Huckles, include sadomasochism, pedophilia and necrophilia. Ok, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these Christian conservative types? Does anyone else, anywhere, spend this much time thinking about other people having sex that isn’t doing so in order to masturbate, plan their next porno, or write for Fleshbot? Let alone, does anyone spend this much time equating the guy-on-guy anal action with fucking dead people, little kids or animals? Like, how does that even occur to you? Candidates are being assassinated in Pakistan and people are dying in Kenya over rigged elections and thousands of Americans and Iraqis are dead in Iraq because of a war we started for (apparently) no good reason and their feeble little minds are totally filled with thoughts of how God doesn’t want people to to engage in ass fucking because you can’t have babies? Jeebus Motherfucking Christ, I’m ready to start drinking now. Bring on the New Motherfucking Year. Read more on Homosexuality Is a Sin, and Huckabee’s a Sinner…
 

God has revealed to me that these foursupporters, with the full authority and knowledge of Dr. Rep. Ron Paul, have entered into a secret option contract with the Central Canadian government to consummate the purchase Manitoba by the second week of November, 2008-using funds donated to the Dr. Rep. Ron Paul campaign-in the event that Dr. Rep. Ron Paul fails to win the election. [Dominionists for Tancredo 2008] Read more on …
 

“Brokeback Mountain”: It May Have Lost at the Oscars

but it’s winning the battle of spawning irritating yet irresistible neologisms. To wit: “Brokeback Marriage.” Brokeback 1, Crash 0. MOO-HA-HA!!! This intriguing article is zooming up the New York Times “Most E-mailed Articles” list (and we predict it will be #1 before the day is through). It’s about women who “pull a Dina McGreevey,” by marrying “a gay American” — in other words, women who find themselves in “Brokeback Marriages.” Read more on “Brokeback Mountain”: It May Have Lost at the Oscars…