Tag Archives: homosexuality

  Point and laugh at the Arkansas idiot

Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services

Jason Rapert points at homosexuals.
Arkansas state Sen. Jason Rapert has had thoughts again! We last heard from him when he was helpfully trying to get a Ten Commandments monument constructed on the grounds of the Arkansas state capitol, for “historical reasons,” because, like, all of our judicial system is based on those ten suggestions. (DUH.) Well, this week, he’s pissed off about the fags and fag-adjacents (read: lesbians) who decided, for the 12TH YEAR IN A ROW, to hold the Conway, Arkansas, gay pride parade on a Sunday, because he knows those gays picked that day in order to persecute godly Bible-believers like Rapert, who simply wish to get to church on Sunday unscathed by glitter or joy. Rapert logged on to the Facebook to tell us all how the gays hurt him in his no-no parts. Let’s mock him: Read more on Arkansas Senator Dude Tired Of Homos Parading About During Sunday Church Services…
  Purity Baller

Tuesday With The Christianists: Sex Education To Keep You Purer Than Those Slutty Duggar Children

This image has not been altered in any way. Ick.
As a supplement to Yr Editrix’s Sunday column on the “counseling” recommended by the Duggar family’s homeschooling guru, we thought we’d take a look back at some other homeschooling wisdom regarding sex education for good little Christian children. Throughout all of it runs this weird notion of “purity”: sex is dirty and nasty and sinful except when it’s done by a man and a woman joined together by God, in which case it is a wonderful blessed thing that results in lots of Christian babies. No wonder fundamentalists are all obsessed with who’s putting their naughtybits where. And so we get creepy stuff like “purity balls,” where teen girls go to a prom with their dads and promise to stay virgins until they’re married, and they get all dressed up like Purity Tarts, and there is nothing creepy about it at all. Read more on Tuesday With The Christianists: Sex Education To Keep You Purer Than Those Slutty Duggar Children…
  Being this dumb is NOT a choice

Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex

You can trust him, he's a doctor
Brain doctor and conservative heartthrob hero Ben Carson has some real neat ideas on The Gay and how that works (it is all explained by “prison sex”), and you have to take his word for it because he is an actual doctor and A Expert on science stuff. (And prison sex.) Read more on Dr. Ben Carson Explains The Science Of Gay, And It Is Prison Sex…
  Some of his best friends are bestialists too

Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia is begging you — begging, you guys — to stop thinking he’s anti-gay. What? He’s serious, guys. C’mon! Last week we told you the story about how Notorious RBG was sippin’ that purple drank at the State of the Union, and the internet collectively exploded from how awesome she is. Again. Ginsburg made those comments at an informal event at George Washington University, which was also attended by Antonin Scalia, the Squidward to Ginsburg’s Spongebob. In the course of discussing the upcoming Supreme Court case that could decide the fate of same-sex marriage nationwide, Scalia asked the audience not to consider him “anti-gay,” which is kind of like Bryan Fisher asking that you not consider him “anti-Jew” but rather just “pro-Inquisition.” Read more on Antonin Scalia Doesn’t Hate Gay People, He’s Just Mean Because He Thinks They’re Cute…
  the fella over there with the hella good hair

Spirit Animal Taylor Swift Sees Aaron Schock Through Not-Gay Office Crisis

Hello, it is Thursday, which makes this DAY THREE of me being your official Wonkette president of talking shit about Aaron Schock — if my guidance counselor could only see me now! Okay, so you’ll remember that Illinois’s wingnut congressman with the hawt nipples started the week in a big gay pickle due to his new office being completely redecorated to look like a bathhouse the Red Room from Downton Abbey. Everybody was like “that’s not gay at all,” but then YESTERDAY, a nice little liberal group called CREW was like “ethics violation, really really gay ethics violation, NO FREE SCONCES, those are the rules!” Read more on Spirit Animal Taylor Swift Sees Aaron Schock Through Not-Gay Office Crisis…
  The Marx of the Beast

Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!

Why is there a union jack on the skull? Your guess is as good as any. Let's say it represent Marx's London years.
Here we are at Part 3 of our dive into Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Kevin Swanson, the radio preacher who likes to warn that the Pill leaves women’s wombs chock full of tiny dead babies, like some kind of horrifying death-muffin, and that his home state of Colorado has become one big gay pot orgy all the time, just like North Korea. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic

Image dimensions: 700 X 666 -- we swear it just worked out that way
Welcome to part 2 of our exploration of Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, whose goal in this book is to explain just how Western Civilization was destroyed by just about everything that we commonly think of as Western Civilization — and which was, moreover, mostly inspired by Satan. As we said last week, in Swanson’s view, the pinnacle of Western culture begins and more or less ends with the Bible, and literary works that are 100% in keeping with Biblical precepts — for instance, he thinks that Augustine’s Confessions and Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress are a pretty good basis for all the literature classes you’d ever need. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization

Your history tutor
Welp, it took us over a year, but we’ve finally gotten around to reading a book that we warned you about in August 2013: Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, one of our favorite minor-league Christianist nutters, went and wrote a book last year called Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West. As the title suggests, it’s all about the death of Western Civilization, which is on its last legs due to what most of us would call the greatest works of our own culture. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization…
  Schism In Their Pants

Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating

Bring the comfy chair, too!
The Southern Baptist Convention voted unanimously to expel a California church that was entirely too friendly to gay homosexuals, bringing order back to the cosmos and making clear that unlike other issues, such as divorce, there is no room for doctrinal disagreement on The Love That Refuses To Shut Up These Days. Read more on Southern Baptists Unfriend California Congregation For Insufficient Gay-Hating…
  Gay Is Not A Disease

Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism

Talking brunette Ken doll Rick Perry said something great the other day: “I may have the genetic coding that I’m inclined to be an alcoholic, but I have the desire not to do that, and I look at the homosexual issue the same way.” To put his remarks in context, context does not matter when you say a thing like this. But it occurs to me that maybe Rick Perry is just confused and going through a phase, and needs the light of Happy Nice Time People to show him The Way. Therefore, I’ve put together a quick primer for Rick Perry on how the glorious pageant that is homosexuality is actually very different from the tragic disease that is alcoholism. Read more on Here Is How Homosexuality Is Different From Alcoholism…
  that's some meritoriously good eatin' right there

Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns Boy Scouts Want To Cannibalize Your Sodomy Badges

Just stop it already Kevin Swanson, you make us love you too much. The official Wonket spokesperson for all things “Christian radio” has once again ear-raped our masses with a slippery slope of magnificent proportion, because gay kids + square knots equals incestual-cannabalistic-sodomy badges. It’s just the natural progression of things, according to Kevin Swanson. Read more on Radio Wingnut Kevin Swanson Warns Boy Scouts Want To Cannibalize Your Sodomy Badges…
  jesus loves you (to murder everyone)

Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader

Tyler Deaton is a handsome young man. He met his wife, Bethany, in prayer group at college. He was so charismatic that by his senior year, he’d convinced a bunch of hot dudes to leave the school-sanctioned Christian fellowship at Southwestern in Texas, and join him in Kansas City instead, so they could be close to the International House of Prayer, which had a kickin’ youth fellowship, mega-awesome Christian jamz, and the kind of “gays-are-demons” stances that appeal to young “ex”-gays. Once in Kansas City, they started meeting for Wednesday night prayer meetings and (ALLEGED) hot gay “spiritual” sex parties and (ALLEGED) Bethany-drugging, -raping, and -beating. “He believed God could fix things,” a student said. That included, Deaton told people, fixing himself. One of his group’s stark positions on Scripture was that homosexuality was wrong. Deaton’s stance against it weighed heavily because members said he had “struggled with being gay.” “He struggled with it, but he overcame it,” a member of his group at Southwestern said. “It was a victory.” Her husband having overcome his homosexuality (except for the part where being ex-gay means you can’t bone dudes), in October, Bethany unaccountably killed herself. Or did she? (Hint: She probably did not?) Read more on Wives! Can’t Live With ‘Em, Can Kill ‘Em, According to Charismatic ‘Ex’-Gay Christian-Orgy Cult Leader…
  be vewy vewy quiet we're hunting hewetics

Nobody Expects The Minnesota-Teens-Who-Approve-Of-Gay-Marriage Inquisition!

We all know that the holy rite of communion is not available to divorced Catholics, remarried Catholics, and nuns who are hospital administrators and allow women whose lives are in immediate danger from their pregnancies to get abortions. (And may get excommunicated, depending.) (Oh and it’s still available to priests who rape their charges, because that is a sin that God can forgive, but the other ones are not or something.) But did you know that if you are for gay marriage, you may lose the ability to join God, Jesus, and the Church at all? It is a little thing we like to call “the Inquisition,” and we are guessing you did not expect it! Read more on Nobody Expects The Minnesota-Teens-Who-Approve-Of-Gay-Marriage Inquisition!…
  2012: D'Souza's America

Why Won’t Feminists Stop Destroying Marriage, Asks Dinesh D’Souza’s Extra Fiancée

Before we begin this post, let’s be honest: who wouldn’t want this piece of Hayekian sausage tossed down their meat hallway? NOBODY. (I’m sorry, that was disgusting. He’s obviously toting hot Burkean bratwurst.) Dinesh D’Sousa d’irected 2016: Obama’s America, a wonderful little docudrama about how Dinesh D’Souza is a giant fucking racist. He has a long career of saying completely odious things about Barack Obama in particular, because he is a hateful little man with a chewed-up baseball head. He is also a giant goddamn cheater. D’Souza’s speech earned him a standing ovation and a long line at the book-signing table immediately afterward. Although D’Souza has been married for 20 years to his wife, Dixie, in South Carolina he was with a young woman, Denise Odie Joseph II, and introduced her to at least three people as his fiancée. Finally, near 11 p.m., event organizer Tony Beam escorted D’Souza and Joseph to the nearby Comfort Suites. Beam noted that they checked in together and were apparently sharing a room for the night in the sold-out hotel. The next morning, around 6 a.m., Beam arrived back at the hotel and called up to D’Souza’s room. “We’ll be down in 10 minutes,” D’Souza told Beam. D’Souza and Joseph came down together, and Beam took them to the airport. Read more on Why Won’t Feminists Stop Destroying Marriage, Asks Dinesh D’Souza’s Extra Fiancée…
  kids say the darnedest things

Wise Teen Girl Proves Benefits Of Home-Schooling: Being Gay Turns You Into A Duck

Parents! Have you ever wanted to rip your kids from the dastardly public school system, but worried that your own lack of education (and terrible laziness) would turn your children into raving dolts? Well worry no more, as a website for LGBT people with mental health issues in New Zealand (there really is a home for everyone on the World Wild Web!) points us to the following letter to the editor from 14-year-old Jasmin H., who proves handily that home-schooling your children leads inexorably to wisdom, logic, and insight. Jasmin weaves together a plethora of data points in a tour de force that explains that since the Romans did homo stuff in each other’s butts, evolution proves that being gay makes you compete with ducks, if evolution were a thing which it obviously isn’t. Let us gaze upon it in wonder together, after the jump! Read more on Wise Teen Girl Proves Benefits Of Home-Schooling: Being Gay Turns You Into A Duck…