Wonkette

The most attractive human android on the planet, Olympics Gov. Mitt Romney, wins the award for gayest supporter buttons ever. But at least he’ll save the cars in Detroit by hi-jacking Mexican planes and turning all fetuses into golden Mormon necklaces. That’s his platform. Altavista it. [Getty Image by Stephen Morton]

Just kidding! Well, he does say it’s a sin, and that he’s a sinner but he’s totes not a man who would choose that gay lifestyle because the “traditional concept of sexual behavior” is breeding, period. The danger with sex today, people, is that homosexuality is one of many “publicly endorsed and institutionally supported aberrations.” Other publicly endorsed aberrations, according to Huckles, include sadomasochism, pedophilia and necrophilia.

Ok, seriously, what the fuck is wrong with these Christian conservative types? Does anyone else, anywhere, spend this much time thinking about other people having sex that isn’t doing so in order to masturbate, plan their next porno, or write for Fleshbot? Let alone, does anyone spend this much time equating the guy-on-guy anal action with fucking dead people, little kids or animals? Like, how does that even occur to you? Candidates are being assassinated in Pakistan and people are dying in Kenya over rigged elections and thousands of Americans and Iraqis are dead in Iraq because of a war we started for (apparently) no good reason and their feeble little minds are totally filled with thoughts of how God doesn’t want people to to engage in ass fucking because you can’t have babies? Jeebus Motherfucking Christ, I’m ready to start drinking now. Bring on the New Motherfucking Year.

God has revealed to me that these foursupporters, with the full authority and knowledge of Dr. Rep. Ron Paul, have entered into a secret option contract with the Central Canadian government to consummate the purchase Manitoba by the second week of November, 2008-using funds donated to the Dr. Rep. Ron Paul campaign-in the event that Dr. Rep. Ron Paul fails to win the election. [Dominionists for Tancredo 2008]

but it’s winning the battle of spawning irritating yet irresistible neologisms. To wit: “Brokeback Marriage.” MORE »