Tag Archives: homophobes

  humanum

Vatican Throws Festival Of Homophobia

  What you see above is not, despite all appearances, your freshman roomie’s botched and infected yin-yang tattoo, but a symbol of unity and celebration! It celebrates the matched sets of opposite-sexers who keep our planet from flying apart, according to the organizers of “Humanum: An International Interreligious Colloquium on the Complementarity of Man and Woman,” held this week at the Vatican. Read more on Vatican Throws Festival Of Homophobia…
  Dick Dynasty

Duck Dynasty To Sell Rubs For Money

Well looky here. The Duck Dynasty clan has commissioned not one but TWO signature seasonings to complement the pantries of discerning rednecks everywhere. Iffen you’re cravin’ some Cajun or Blackened rub to put on your hobgoblin-green Walmart meat, it’s probably in aisle nine with the rest of the celebrity merchandise that people buy for laughs (and never actually use). Read more on Duck Dynasty To Sell Rubs For Money…
  derpasaurus rex

Lucky Ducky Montana Tech Graduates Get To Be Commencement Talked At By Young Earth Creationist

Direct from the land of “wait, what?” we bring you news of this year’s commencement speaker at Montana Tech, Montana’s mining and engineering college. This is not, of course, the kind of thing we’d usually cover, except for the part where the commencement speaker is a billionaire young earth creationist, which is sort of an odd fit maybe? A major funder of “creation museums” has been selected — strange as it may seem — to be the commencement speaker at Montana’s leading institution of science, Montana Tech, the mining and engineering school in Butte that has produced some of the world’s top geologists. The speaker is Greg Gianforte, a conservative billionaire whose philanthropic endeavors include funding museums whose purpose is to discredit Darwinism and persuade visitors that the Earth is 6,000 years old, that North America’s geology was carved by Noah’s flood, and that dinosaurs coexisted with early humans. Read more on Lucky Ducky Montana Tech Graduates Get To Be Commencement Talked At By Young Earth Creationist…
  fingerpointing blamegaming with alec baldwin

Alec Baldwin Did Not Gay Slur That Man, But If He Did It Was Shia LaBeouf’s Fault

Here is an oral history of the Trials of Alec Baldwin, and would you believe Alec Baldwin is not to blame for gay slurring that man whom he did not gay slur? (“All this is based on the fact of them believing what I said on a video.”) Before we get to the endless Old Testament-styley begats of everyone in the world who is to blame for Alec Baldwin gay-slurring that man, which, we repeat, he did not do, a warmup: Read more on Alec Baldwin Did Not Gay Slur That Man, But If He Did It Was Shia LaBeouf’s Fault…
  that's so gay

Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible

Dave Agema, the Republican National Committeeman from Michigan and former state representative, is a Wonkette favorite. Wonketeers love him for his charming efforts to cut funding to a program that buys clothes for orphans, his willingness to miss key budget votes to shoot Siberian sheep, his fondness for tear-gassing American citizens, his deep-abiding belief that Barack Obama must be a Muslim, his endless curiosity about The Onion’s Obama has a secret 19-year-old son story, and his trophy wife that Wonkette commenter “Barbara_” says came engraved “fourth place.” Sadly, not everyone loves Dave Agema like you guys love him. Lots of mean, old Republicans are upset with Agema because he Facebooked a column from this right-wing witchdoctor that’s filled with erroneous information about teh gheys. It’s like, what, suddenly now it’s a problem to say “homosexuals account for half the murders in large cities”? Whatever happened to free speech and family values and the God-given right to kick homos in the teeth? With votes. Those things are gone now apparently. Even Michigan Speaker of the House Jase Bolger, who once bravely protected us from the horrors of the word “vagina” being uttered on the state house floor, is joining this lavander mob that’s bullying poor Dave Agema for repeating things that are easily disprovable and mostly implausible on their face. Read more on Everyone So Mad At Terrible Michigan RNC Committeeman Homophobe Dave Agema Being Terrible…
  important legal battles of our time

Michigan’s Most Effeminate Homophobe, Andrew Shirvell, Into Kinky Bus Play, Panel Concludes

Brave American and very heterosexual hero Andrew Shirvell was really upset in 2010 because the University of Michigan student body president Chris Armstrong (himself a gay) was obviously trying to make Shirvell gay with his radical homosexual agenda. To counter Amstrong’s man-on-man voodoo, Shirvell devoted his entire adult life to following Armstrong around and chronicling all the ways Armstrong was a “gay Nazi” on a Blogspot blog. Eventually Shirvell’s employer, the Michigan Attorney General, told him to stop obsessively blogging about everything this one undergraduate college student was doing. Shirvell bravely fought back against these George Soros-funded big government socialists (conservative Republican Attorney General Mike Cox) and the radical homosexual effort to silence his comically high-pitched voice. Read more on Michigan’s Most Effeminate Homophobe, Andrew Shirvell, Into Kinky Bus Play, Panel Concludes…
  fruits and nuts

Serial Watermelon Murderer and Rightwing Paranoiac Gallagher Has Heart Attack Again

On the news that legendary prop comic Gallagher has suffered his second heart attack in two weeks, Your Wonkette is reminded of this classic piece of Journalism from Seattle’s The Stranger, in which intrepid reporter Lindy West sat through Gallagher’s horrifying “comedy” show, which seemed to have been two hours of dick-lickin’ homophobia and not-that-coded racism. Apparently, it was sort of like listening to “entertainer” Rush Limbaugh. “Hey, President Obama,” he spits out the name like a mouthful of burning hair. “You ain’t black. I don’t care what you say—you’re a latte. You’re half whole-milk. It could be goat milk—you could be a terrorist!” I am too busy losing my mind to catch the next joke, which is about Ted Kennedy’s brain cancer. Aaaaand we’re off. Read more on Serial Watermelon Murderer and Rightwing Paranoiac Gallagher Has Heart Attack Again…
  miracles really do happen

Fred Karger Achieves Dream of Beating Bachmann In At Least One Primary

SHAME on your Wonkette for forgetting to follow up on the final results for the 9th thru 87th place finishers in the New Hampshire GOP primary! Well anyway, here is the “important” part: the (openly) gay dude beat Michele Bachmann! She quit the race several days before the primary of course, but that is SO not going to spoil Fred Karger’s party. Read more on Fred Karger Achieves Dream of Beating Bachmann In At Least One Primary…
  paladino's an abortionist too!

Taiwan Animators Fantasize About Carl Paladino’s Gay Campaign

Who knew Carl Paladino would be so much fun, what with his homosexual gay-man night clubs and the boobies and the gay parades? We thought he was just an ignorant boring gazillionaire creep who forced racist porn on his underlings! Read more on Taiwan Animators Fantasize About Carl Paladino’s Gay Campaign…