Tag Archives: holocaust

  Sue the bastard

Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?

Jesus was a party animal.
Time for a dispatch from the ever-changing, goalposts-moving definition of the phrase “religious freedom.” All these whiny bitchy wingnuts have been protesting that they DO NOT EITHER hate the gays, but it violates their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs™ to do things like “participate in” gay weddings, by making cakes or flowers or pizzas for them. And if you make them do that, you are literally Holocausting them, and they know Jesus will send them right to hell for it, because Jesus Is Love. So here’s a story that will show y’all what a lie that is! Read more on Will Christian DJs Go To Hell For Celebrating 60-Year-Old Gay Dudes’ Birthdays?…
  Delete your show

This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said

Televangelist scam artist Pat Robertson has said some horrible, terrible, evil, awful words in his 315 years on this Earth. About how to beat your kids just right, how to pray the gay away, how to doll yourself up so your husband doesn’t cheat on you. Also, some straight-up crazy talk about Satanic vegetables. Usually, we try to find the funny — haha, look what creepy old Uncle Pat said on his show today! — and then we make some jokes about it. But Robertson’s advice to “Jane,” on how to comfort a coworker whose three-year-old died, is So. Fucking. The Worst: Read more on This Is The Worst Thing Pat Robertson Has Ever Said…
  The feud continues

Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America

Science experiment.
  Last week we laughed and laughed at Rick Santorum, who really thinks Pope Francis needs to shut right up about climate science, because the pope, despite having studied chemistry, is not a scientist. Why focus on things like that, when there are more important Poping duties out there, like slut-shaming and telling people to stop being gay? But damn godless liberal Pope Francis, he’s putting out an encyclical on climate change, despite Santorum’s advice to the contrary. Read more on Rick Santorum Says Pope Francis Is Bad At Science, Bad For America…
  supreme wisdom

Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler

TOO S-M-R-T FOR YOU.
Oh, Justice Scalia, what would the Supreme Court do without you? It’s such a comfort to know that a brilliant, HILARIOUS legal mind like yours is adjudicating America’s Most Important Questions. Scalia spoke at his grandbaby’s high school graduation and thought the kids might enjoy a fun joke, about Hitler: Read more on Antonin Scalia Tells Grads: Always Be Yourself, Unless You Are Hitler…
  The poor dears

Caitlyn Jenner Making Wingnuts Feel Shame Tingles In Their No-No Parts

Your reaction to this picture says more about you than it says about Caitlyn Jenner.
Monday, Caitlyn Jenner revealed her transition to the world on the cover of Vanity Fair. Known up to that point as Bruce Jenner, male Olympian and Kardashian-adjacent person, she told her story to journalist Buzz Bissinger, while Annie Leibovitz supplied the pictures. Most people said things like “Wow, she looks beautiful!” and “Good for her!” and, in the case of badass trans actress Laverne Cox, “Yasss Gawd! Werk Caitlyn! Get it!” (Cox also said many other important things, read it.) Read more on Caitlyn Jenner Making Wingnuts Feel Shame Tingles In Their No-No Parts…
  point and laugh

Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust

World's most beautiful poet.
Wonkette is very excited to let everyone know that Bradlee Dean, our hilarious bestie who is also a religious rights activist, has written a very important poem at the WorldNetDaily, about how gay marriage is going to cause the Holocaust. Like we need to be reminded! Now, Bradlee Dean does not like being quoted, but fuck him, here is his poem, which is his own version of the famous Martin Niemöller “First they came for the socialists” quote. Is it good? Ha ha, no, Bradlee Dean is bad at many things, and poetry is one of them: Read more on Wonkette Wingnut BFF Bradlee Dean Makes Poem, Proves Gay Marriage Will Cause Holocaust…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Holocaust Was A Hoax, Martial Law In Texas Is Real

NB: Remember, talking about actual Nazis does not violate Godwin's Law
Lots of lovely deleted comments for you this week, many of them in reply to our piece about David Cole, the Holocaust denier who’s found an exciting new career denying climate change (he thinks climate scientists need to be tried for treason or something). Some of the comments were about what you’d expect, like this succinct dismissal of the entire topic, from one “boris_batonov,” who simply wrote: “so you retards believe in the holohoax” — and while we’re offended by his historical illiteracy and terrible punctuation, what really chafes is a username that insults a great cartoon character. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: The Holocaust Was A Hoax, Martial Law In Texas Is Real…
  Here have some news n stuff

President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’

Cataracts, obviously
If the President Barry H. Bamz (D-Choom Gang) thinks medical marijuana might be good for you, who are we to argue? CNN’s chief medical correspondent Sanjay Gupta, a vocal supporter of the legalization of medical marijuana, asks Obama in the documentary [“WEED 3″]if he supports the goals of a historic Senate bill introduced in March that seeks to make several major changes in federal law, including drastically reducing the federal government’s ability to crack down on state-legal medical marijuana programs, encouraging more research into the plant and reclassifying marijuana as a less dangerous drug. Read more on President Obama Is Maybe Cool With You Tokin’ Up, For Your ‘Health’…
  make yourself a nice bloody mary and sit with us

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!

Hola, Wonkerados! How is your Easter Sunday going? Ours is very nice! Won’t you sit and have some internet brunch with us, so we can reminisce about all the lovely things that happened during the week? It wasn’t all Indiana and gays and religious freedom! (Er, actually a lot of it was, but other things also happened, according to our admittedly hazy memory.) Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Reminisce About The Week That Was!…
  Ice Cream Mandrake. Children's Ice Cream

BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation

This is a man who knows about conspiracies
Of the many things that you may have been worried about this week, the good fact-checkers at Politifact would like to free you of one possible source of anxiety: No, the practice of water fluoridation did not begin in Nazi Germany. Please remain calm and go about your business. Read more on BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation…
  You know who else yadda yadda

French City Real Mad They’re Not Allowed To Put Nazi Triangles On The Homeless, TO HELP THEM

Maybe they just need some health care?
You would think we’ve all learned our lesson about forcing certain segments of the population to wear yellow thingies on their clothes so we can easily identify them and say “Ewwwwww, you’re one of those people.” But in the French city of Marseille, officials forgot history and were condemned to try to repeat it. Read more on French City Real Mad They’re Not Allowed To Put Nazi Triangles On The Homeless, TO HELP THEM…
  Let's Focus On The Real Monster Here

John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite

Unclear whether Obama is God's Will or just bad luck
Wingnut San Antonio pastor John Hagee, who memorably explained that the Holocaust was God’s gift to the Jews so they could return to Israel, told the Zionist Organization of America Sunday that Barack Obama is anti-Semitic because he is too friendly with Iran. Read more on John ‘God Did The Holocaust’ Hagee Thinks Barack Obama’s An Anti-Semite…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rick Santorum: The Nazis Are Coming For The Christians Again, Just Like The Holocaust

See, America is just like Nazi Germany? See? Do you see?
You might think Christians get all the breaks in this U.S. of America, but you are SO wrong. What with activist judges cramming marriage equality down everyone’s throats, and schoolchildren denied the god-given right to learn the God made the Earth, which is the center of the universe, in a few days, then rested, then wrote the Constitution — well, it’s basically exactly like Nazi Germany, when you think about it. You remember how the Nazis killed all those persecuted Christians, don’t you? Plus a few Jews who were so dumb, they didn’t even think to move. Here, let Rick Santorum explain: Read more on Rick Santorum: The Nazis Are Coming For The Christians Again, Just Like The Holocaust…
  Here have some news n stuff

George Will Wishes Government Would Just Leave Rapists Alone Already, Sheesh

In his natural habitat
You know who is The Worst? (For right now, anyway; as we type, some wingnut doucheweasel is trying his or her most bestest to win that coveted title.) George Will. George “Oh, I am so droll” Will. And he is really hung up on “rape” “victims” and how they get all kinds of special treatment and how the government just won’t stop sticking its big wasteful meddling government nose in the epidemic of campus rape, where the government most certainly does NOT belong.Here’s Will on Fox News Sunday, whining yet again about how government should just stay out of everything: Read more on George Will Wishes Government Would Just Leave Rapists Alone Already, Sheesh…
  Uterine Clown Car Survivor Speaks Out

Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right

Just as Darwin Demanded
Reality Teevee show person Jessa Duggar went to the United States Holocaust Memorial Museum in Washington DC, and came away believing that Charles Darwin led directly to the Nazis’ attempted extermination of European Jewry, which suggests that the museum’s docents really need to up their game. Ms. Duggar, 21, explained on Instagram the profound anti-science message that she derived from the historical exhibits: Read more on Duggars Did A Pretty Good Job Edumacatin’ Their Womb-Fruits, All Right…
  bordering on insanity

Bryan Fischer Explains: God Can’t Stand These Awful Immigrant Children

Oh, thank goodness! American Patriarchy Association radio figurehead Bryan Fischer has weighed in on the Send the Children Away Crisis, and just wants everyone to know that Jesus would want those little would-be moochers sent home pronto, and possibly for their houses to burn down, too. You see, what the stupid immigrant-coddlers don’t understand is that God made the southern border of the United States, with a little help from James K. Polk and the Gadsden Purchase, and so anyone who doesn’t respect that border is actually pissing off the Almighty something fierce, especially if they send their children across the border illegally for some dumb reason like “being poor” or “trying to escape a failed state,” which are really not God’s problem. Read more on Bryan Fischer Explains: God Can’t Stand These Awful Immigrant Children…
  all apologies

Stacey Campfield ‘Regrets’ You Are Too Stupid To Understand Obamacare Is The Holocaust

Tennessee state Senator Stacey Campfield has a lovely little blog of perfect zen koans. (If you quote him, though, you have to pay him, because Tennessee state Senator Stacey Campfield does not understand how anything works.) Well, yesterday, the whole world discovered our own beloved Senator Campfield, Wonkette’s inaugural Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year, when he unleashed the almost-perfect thought of the day, “Democrats bragging about the number of mandatory sign ups for Obamacare is like Germans bragging about the number of manditory sign ups for ‘train rides’ for Jews in the 40s.” People, they were so mad! They were all like, “no sir, having health insurance is not really the same as Zyklon B showers,” which is of course a Holocaust of Stacey Campfield’s First Amendment rights to never be criticized for anything he says, because it just is okay? Well, Stacey Campfield is sorry. That you are so stupid. Read more on Stacey Campfield ‘Regrets’ You Are Too Stupid To Understand Obamacare Is The Holocaust…
  homework will make you free

California School District Won’t Ask 8th-Graders To Question The Holocaust After All

Here’s a bit of a victory for reality in schools: the Rialto Unified School District has decided to make substantial changes to an assignment that would have asked eighth-graders to debate the reality of the Holocaust, as a supplement to the kids’ reading The Diary of Anne Frank. You know, we get what they were trying to do here, but… no. Just, No. It’s not that the school actually considered the Holocaust’s reality up for debate — the goal was to get kids thinking about what counts as evidence in history — but the actual assignment was sloppily written and left open the possibility that a student might well wander into a Holocaust denier website and decide, “Oh, cool, I never knew half this stuff.” Read more on California School District Won’t Ask 8th-Graders To Question The Holocaust After All…
  take your 'smart' and shove it

Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing

Guns. Hot damn, if we all don’t want bigger, badder, better guns! Pew! Pew! Pew! America, Fuck Yeah, Second Amendment, NRA, freedoms, and all that jazz! Am I right! And if we occasionally need to feed the Tree Of Liberty with the blood of dozens of schoolchildren, then so be it, because GUNS ARE TEH BEST. We don’t care if they are big guns or small guns, so long as they are dick-shaped and can help us overcome masculine insecurities, we’ll take whatever you are offering. Can I get an ‘amen’ from the gun enthusiasts? RawStory has the amen: Belinda Padilla, president and CEO of the U.S. division of firearm manufacturer Armatix, says she was stalked and threatened by “gun enthusiasts” after she tried to bring a safer handgun to market. Oh right. We love guns, except for better, safer guns. Because even the option of a safer gun somewhere is an affront to freedom everywhere, just like that Martin Luther King Jr. guy said, “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere,” except with guns and safety being a threat to freedom. Un-ironic self-five for MLK reference!  Read more on Gun Enthusiasts Defend Freedom By Yelling At Lady Who Invented Gun-Safety Thing…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ’em before they start to turn. Verily, this is the Arby-Q of Wonket posts. We’ll start off with the tale of Petr Pavlensky, a Russian “conceptual artist” who won’t be conceiving anything for a little while now, since he went and nailed his nutsack to the cobbles of Red Square to protest…um… well, we thought it was to protest the imprisonment of Pussy Riot, but no, for that, he sewed his mouth shut. This time he sat down in front of Lenin’s Mausoleum and pounded a large nail through his scrotum into the pavement. Pavlensky explained in a post-arrest statement that the nut-nailing “can be seen as a metaphor for the apathy, political indifference and fatalism of contemporary Russian society.” It’s nice when you’re able to combine your hobbies with your activism. Gawker notes that police used “a claw hammer” to bring the protest to an abrupt end (yes, we just felt several hundred of you wince). Efficient, but wouldn’t poetic justice have been better served with a ball peen hammer? Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Dose of Dumbth…