Despite being the only party to repeatedly get actual Hollywood actors nominated and elected, Republicans like to whine about “Hollywood values.”

Somehow, criticizing the idiocy, divorces, obesity, dumb religions and drug addictions of the famous makes regular Americans feel better about being dumb divorced obese Jesus-freak OxyContin addicts who are also poor and ugly, so every GOP candidate for every possible office has to dedicate at least one commercial or mailer to the pursuit of “traditional family values” as seen only on Little House on the Prairie reruns.

Anyway, draft Fred Thompson! Learn about how he’s not a complete amoral scumbag like the declared Republican presidential candidates, after the jump.

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* Hank Paulson carries the budget flag up to the hill, and by the end of the day is looking for an ATM to fully fund every program. [WP]
* President Bush has a sense of Morissettian irony over the Senate’s support of Gen. David Petraeus while opposing the surge. [WP]
* Luckily, Robert Gates has a back-up to the back-up plan. [LAT]
* Thanks to Walnuts, Ill Hill, and Barry Hussein the ‘08 election will likely cost over a billion dollars. [WP]
* MPAA uses actor from West Philadelphia to illustrate their blue-collar base. Patrick Leahy really liked The Queen. [NYT]
* Military wants civilian agencies to “step up” and “get ‘r done” in Iraq. [NYT]
* Which six states want to expand death penalty powers? Exactly the ones you think. [USAT]

HBO’s got a new documentary all about how you might as well stay home Tuesday because the vote totals were probably programmed in the e-voting machines months ago. The movie premieres Thursday night. MORE »

The Billings Gazette reports that Senator Conrad Burns’ reasoned, calm criticism of America’s Favoritest Heroes Evah (aka “firefighters”) was, in fact, a little more strongly worded (and blasphemous) than the official report indicated: MORE »

An exclusive report on George Clooney’s National Press Club visit from our embedded operative: MORE »

Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: George Clooney on Iraq: “We knew it was bullshit… Which is why it drives me crazy to hear all these Democrats saying, ‘We were misled.’ It makes me want to shout, ‘Fuck you, you weren’t misled. You were afraid of being called unpatriotic.’”. . . Keith Olbermann to Brian Lamb: “There are people I know in the hierarchy of NBC, the company, and GE, the company, who do not like to see the current presidential administration criticized at all.”. . . Edward Klein is writing a “poison-pen” biography of Sen. McCain. [NYDN]
Cindy Adams: Charles Gibson will be named Bob Woodruff’s “temporary permanent replacement.” [NYP]
Page Six: The Clintons are on the outs with Harold Ickes. [NYP]

* Rush Limbaugh on Hillary Clinton: “She sounds like a screeching ex-wife.” Heh, he should know. [Media Matters] MORE »

* Brokeback Mountain fans: sore losers? [HuffPo] MORE »

So you didn’t watch the Academy Awards last night. Well, that’s okay; with the help of this handy little guide, you can pretend that you did. MORE »

* Oscar parties are a big deal in L.A. and New York — but we’re too cool for that in Washington. If you insist on watching that overlong spectacle, just stay at home and plan your own party. [Defamer; Gawker; WP] MORE »