Oh jeez we will have to rewrite this lede to cover the (allegedly!) drunken Democrats who will all be arrested in Hollywood every night until Jesus’ birthday and the New Year are safely behind us: “It’s the holiday season, which means the Northern Virginia suburbs Hollywood are is going to be particularly deadly until January 3 or so, as Republican congresspeople elitist Democrats and their drunken wives and rent boys adult children wreak havoc on the icy semen-slick suburban gentrified urban streets.” MORE »

Check it out everyone, the Democrats & Hollywood are all complicit in RAPE. 34k! Look at what Harvey Weinstein, who made ten million dollars in the time it took you to read the term “ten million dollars,” did last year: “Weinstein last year gave $28,500 to the DNC and its White House Victory Fund, though he didn’t contribute directly to Obama.” Oh no!! Basically Obama killed Sharon Tate.

Arlen Specter, what’s up with that guy, right. He’s a Democrat now! And being a Democrat means you have to do terrible abortion things in Hollywood, all the time, with Muslims: “Sen. Arlen Specter (D-PA) will make his debut appearance this evening at a national Dem event since switching parties. Specter will join Pres. Obama at the Beverly Hilton in LA for a DNC fundraiser… It marks his first outing with Obama — and with Jennifer Hudson, we should note. The Academy Award winner will sing at the event. As will Earth, Wind and Fire.” And it only costs $1,000 to $2,500 to attend! Or if you’re super rich like Tom Cruise and the famous Movie Stars, there’s “another dinner” for, uh, $30,400 (but it’s a DEAL because that’s the PER COUPLE price.) [Hotline]

Oh golly, a coterie of unpaid Hill interns has discovered a pair of famous Movie Stars walking around our Washington D.C.! Everyone loves the Movies, right? Well let’s share a Hill intern’s e-mail about famous liberals Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie having a sexy threesome with Nancy Pelosi today, and maybe some of you can send in pictures, or whatever it is one sends to a blog. (Pornography.) MORE »

Shut up shut up shut up shhut shut shut up shup shut ut shup shut up. SHHH. What the hell. Jason Bateman why are you talking about your poop. Here’s our “Obama pledge,” you queers, and that’s simply to let people die when they get death diseases rather than watch the U.S. go bankrupt over a health care problem, which seems to be your ultimate goal. This pledge requires much less effort than Demi Moore’s pledge, which is “to free one million slaves in the next five years.” Like, WHAT? Does she even have a plan for that? C’mon. C’MON. Bwah bwah bwah. [via Andrew Sullivan]

Your Wonkette prides itself on staying current with the latest entrants into the cancerous wasteland of Political Blogging, as it is our duty to inform America about where it should spend its non-Wonkette online time, instead of at the Huffington Post. This week, we have thoroughly studied the new “megablog” from Matt Drudge’s personal slave, Andrew Breitbart. Breitbart described his latest project, Big Hollywood, in a Moonie Times column this week as such: “Big Hollywood is not a ‘celebrity’ gabfest or a gossip outpost - it is a continuous politics and culture posting board for those who think something has gone drastically wrong and that Hollywood should return to its patriotic roots.” To answer your immediate question, yes, Kathryn Jean Lopez is a contributor. MORE »

• YEAH BUT WHO ISN’T??: Hollywood movie star Lindsay Lohan is very excited about America’s “first colored president” in this shocking video. The C Word! Harry Reid is being pressured to boot her from the Democratic caucus. [TMZ]

Not that Al Franken is any great shakes, but you’d think that if the NRSC wanted to put out a “Hollywood Stars against Franken”-themed ad then they could’ve drummed up a better coterie than a forgotten SNL cast member from 20 years ago, a lesser Baldwin, two other guys we’ve never heard of in our lives, and finally the big showstopper: a cheesy singer famous for stealing rock & roll songs from black people in the ’50s so that they could be repackaged into powdery, “family-friendly” background noise. The NRSC also decided to have this very old Pat Boone appear without a shirt, because he is fishing in his swimming pool. If only we had Lawrence Welk around to do the old flapping dickey, then we’d have a show! [YouTube]

Oh dear, it looks like those liberal celebrities are insulting George W. Bush’s heroism by plotting amateurish “copycat crimes” against Freedom. Why else would self-loathing college rapper Kanye West be arrested at the airport, on 9/11? Exactly. Now let’s invade, what, Belgium or Egypt or something. [CNN]

Here’s the trailer for An American Carol, which was first shown to the world on the O’Reilly Factor last night. Movie trailers rarely debut on Bill O’Reilly’s terrible show, but this is a conservative “spoof” movie starring the few Republican actors in Hollywood. The film’s target is the American Left as personified by Michael Moore, the fat clown no one has ever liked, except maybe 4-5 anonymous Internet commenters for a single week in 2003. The plot: Moore is trying to eliminate the Fourth of July holiday! But Gen. Frasier Crane simply cannot let him get away with this. The film is expected to gross $750 trillion dollars at the domestic box office.[YouTube]

This ad about John McCain’s 26 years servicing Washington has funny olde-tyme flapper music and lots of clips of John McCain debasing himself by hugging people and going on the Jay Leno show. The most shocking part is the outtakes from his sex tape with Paris Hilton: he is not known as the “White Tornado” for nothing. [Ben Smith]