Tag Archives: hollywood

  fever dreams can come true!

Terrible Elite Westside Jerks Now Giving Mickey Mouse Measles

Good job, anti-vaxxers
Disneyland: it’s the Most Magical Place on Earth. So magical that among recent attendees, at least 19 have been diagnosed with measles, a disease much of the planet had essentially eradicated. Despite last week’s nice time about public schools’ ability to require vaccinations because we still dabble in established science, this remains the Land of the Free and you, Jack and Janie Liberty, still get to choose if you want your child to endanger public health. That’s why we lag behind 100+ countries, including Cambodia and Burundi, when it comes to vaccinating our children. Exceptional! Read more on Terrible Elite Westside Jerks Now Giving Mickey Mouse Measles…
  Here have some news n stuff

We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It

By the dawn of the twentieth century, the river’s recurring spring floods had dug a completely new bed for it farther south. About seven hundred acres of land that had once formed part of Mexico—the Chamizal, named for a scrubby plant that grew there—were now connected to the United States. Whether the border had shifted with the river, rounding out the war’s annexationist work, nobody knew.
Yeah, yeah, we know the cantaloupe-shaped drug mule baby migrants hopped up on birth control are invading our country (or they’re already here!) to infect us with ebola or murder our pretty white co-eds, but before House Republicans and Rick Perry send Sean Hannity down to the border to go swamp sailing, maybe we should figure out where exactly the border is: Read more on We’re Not Even Sure Where Mexico Is, But We Can Probably Still Invade It…
  I know you are but what am I?

Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists

Attention ladies! Do you know what you want, what you really really want? Probably not, so how about you listen to these three hotties – WHOM YR WONKETTE RESPECTS FOR THEIR MINDS AS WELL AS THEIR FEMININITY – yap at you about some feminist idea or other that’s floating through their well-coiffed heads while they show some leg to the geriatric shut-ins who make up the Fox & Friends audience. Read more on Fox & Friends: God Hates Feminists…
  even more serious than halal soup

Sultan Of Brunei Getting His Sharia All Over Your Hotel Towels

So, it turns out that there are two kinds of “sharia law.” One is the kind that teabaggers and paranoids think is sneaking into all the schools because some 11th-graders in a language club said the Pledge of Allegiance in Arabic. You know, the completely imaginary kind. The other is the actual system of Islamic law that is actually really kind of strict and terrible and is practiced by reactionary tyrants because one eternal truth of politics is that you can always get away with authoritarianism if you slather it with enough godspittle. Take, for instance the Sultan of Brunei (please!), who announced last year that he would convert his oil-rich monarchy to Full Sharia Nastiness, complete with flogging, dismemberments, and stonings. Now, this may come as a surprise to American wingnuts, but while your basic progressive laughs at paranoia over imaginary creeping Sharia, that same progressive is pretty likely to not be a fan of the real thing, which is not friendly to women or to human rights. (This does not make us “hypocrites” so much as it makes us “capable of distinguishing real bad things from paranoid delusions.”) And so, as a means of protesting the imposition of real Sharia in Brunei, your Hollywood types are boycotting the Sultan’s real estate holdings, like for instance hotels owned by the Dorchester Collection, such as the Beverly Hills Hotel and the Hotel Bel-Air, and which is why we have headed this post with Sir Patrick Lobsterboy Stewart, who just a short while ago tweeted, “Absolutely delighted to learn that @20thcenturyfox has moved #XMen out of a Dorchester Group hotel for our London premiere.” We agree with Captain Jean-Luc Xavier, and frankly would get behind economic sanctions against Brunei, too. (As to whether lobsters themselves are halal or haram, we really don’t care.) Read more on Sultan Of Brunei Getting His Sharia All Over Your Hotel Towels…
  midlife crisis on infinite earths

Glenn Beck Tired Of Wasting Life, Wants To Make Movies Or Be A Cowboy Astronaut Fireman

Looks like Glenn Beck is having another of his mood swings, and has decided that everything is terrible, he’s tired of politics, and he just wants out. We feel ya, Glenn (not literally, oh no, heavens no). It can get to be a drag, especially when approached with the manic, barking terrier intensity of a Glenn Beck. But we get why he’s sick of it. It broke Ken Layne, after all. Maybe Glenn just needs to go out to the desert and commune with the tortoises for a while. He would probably get a lot out of that, FOR REAL. But instead of politics, he thinks maybe he’ll follow the example of Rick Santorum and make movies, because there’s a low-stress job. Or maybe he’ll just head up an apocalyptic death cult. No reason he can’t do both, like his role model, Frank Capra. Read more on Glenn Beck Tired Of Wasting Life, Wants To Make Movies Or Be A Cowboy Astronaut Fireman…
  it gets better

Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere

Michele Bachmann leads a rough life. Despite being a Congresswoman, former presidential front-runner, and a national spokesperson for Crazy Eye Syndrome, she has a problem. As a straight person, she is tired of being bullied by the gays all the time. Bachmann recently went on the Lars Larson show to discuss CPAC, and discussed being the victim of bullying, via Right Wing Watch: “And the thing that I think is getting a little tiresome is the gay community have so bullied the American people and they have so intimidated politicians that politicians fear them and they think they get to dictate the agenda everywhere. Well, not with the Constitution you don’t.” When will America come to terms with the decades of oppression faced by straight people at the manicured hands of the gays? And here’s the crazy(er) part: that’s not the craziest thing she said in the interview!  Read more on Michele Bachmann Bravely Stands Up For Oppressed Straight People Everywhere…
  always kick a man when he's dead

Let Ben Shapiro Explain To You How Liberalism Killed Phillip Seymour Hoffman

Ladies and gentlemen, Conservative Thought Leader Ben Shapiro has some Thoughts on the death of Philip Seymour Hoffman. See, we thought we were rather uncharitable yesterday when we were feeling angry and resentful toward Hoffman for being an addict and throwing his life away, but now, along comes Ben Shapiro to give us a better focus for our anger — in Ben Shapiro’s strange moral universe, it is not heroin or addiction or even Philip Seymour Hoffman who’s responsible for Hoffman’s death: But his self-inflicted death is yet another hallmark of the broken leftist culture that dominates Hollywood, enabling rather than preventing the loss of some of its greatest talents. Hoffman was a liberal. He died of a drug overdose. Liberalism causes drug abuse, QED. Read more on Let Ben Shapiro Explain To You How Liberalism Killed Phillip Seymour Hoffman…
  zuzu's petals--of subversion!

History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’

Before War On Christmas 2013 fades into memory, let’s take a look at how the FBI examined a Christmas Classic for evidence of communist propaganda. According to a nifty article in Aphelis, Frank Capra’s tale of the redemptive power of sentimental glurge was listed as potentially subversive, as part of a widespread investigation into alleged communist influence in Hollywood — as if anyone needed to investigate such an obvious fact, haw haw! Read more on History Shocker! Ayn Rand Helped FBI Find Communist Influence In ‘It’s A Wonderful Life’…
  just call him sporty obama spice please

Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host ‘SportsCenter,’ You Regular Guy, You

Oh, golly Barack, we get it, underneath all the policy wonkiness and stiffness and discomfort, you are just a regular guy, aren’t you? Which is why you’re always soundin’ so perfectly natural when you’re droppin’ your g’s. But sure, when you’re fund-raisin’ in Hollywood and sharing the stage with Disney head Robert Iger, why not throw in a “quip” about your everyday ordinary-guy aspirations? “At least I know what I want to do when I retire … host ESPN SportsCenter’s Top 10 list,” Obama quipped as he turned to Disney’s Robert Iger, whose empire includes ESPN. The highlights countdown can feature everything from major sports to bull fighting to high school basketball. Other than having a good laugh, Iger apparently didn’t respond. “Everyone had a good giggle,” says one person who attended. Read more on Sure, Barack, Your Dream Job Is To Host ‘SportsCenter,’ You Regular Guy, You…
  columns of mass stupidity

Instapundit Glenn Reynolds Will Now Dumbsplain Why Barack Obama Is Like A Black Neville Chamberlain

If there is one thing for which we can always count on the Ole Perfesser, Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds, it is his propensity for churning out columns of such rank stupidity and willful ignorance that we wonder if all his former students might have an easily winnable class action lawsuit against him for stealing all their tuition monies in exchange for whatever “education” he pretended to impart to them. Also he’s kind of a schmuck. So let us dive into whatever this tripe is that the screeching poo-flingers of the rightwing monkey house were passing around the Intertubes yesterday, and bang our heads against our desks in a concordant symphony, for freedom: Read more on Instapundit Glenn Reynolds Will Now Dumbsplain Why Barack Obama Is Like A Black Neville Chamberlain…
  we are talking about lesbian bondage

Republicans To Meet In Hollywood Den Of Iniquity, We Feel Like We Have Heard This Somewhere Before?

We are having such a strong deja vu, fellow wonkdiddles, as the LA Times reports that the Republicans will be meeting in Hollywood because “minorities” and “50 State Strategy” and “Dean Scream” and whatnot. This is very exciting for the Republicans, apparently, who are quite busy lately explaining how brave and also crazy they are for going places that aren’t even really America! Like California, for instance, or a black college. They are basically the bravery equivalent of Patton storming Normandie (did Patton storm Normandie? We do not know, we are a girl and do not care) or Rosa Parks sitting at the front of the bus, probably. Yeah, it is probably just like that. Read more on Republicans To Meet In Hollywood Den Of Iniquity, We Feel Like We Have Heard This Somewhere Before?…
  probably scott brown's

Caption This Teabag Abortocaust Terrist Truck!

Your compatriot Limey Lizzie sends in this photo from the wilds of Holly Woode. She likes the lockbox — for firearms? — while we are partial to the sticker that says simply and elegantly “So Is Your Face.” Caption it, for a chance to have a new post in which to loiter in the comments! Read more on Caption This Teabag Abortocaust Terrist Truck!…
  quiet riots

Rad Dudes Riot For Totally Good Reason That Isn’t Stupid At All

Skateboarding is not a crime, HENGHHH? Well, that is just obviously true. Except when 1500 rad dudes break a bunch of shops and do Ollies (?) up on people’s cars for the totally good reason that isn’t stupid at all of not getting into a sold-out movie. Sounds like 500 or so someones should maybe have been told “no” a few times when they were little groms! But how else could the skateboarders have made their displeasure known besides wilding like it is the ’80s at the Puerto Rico Day Parade? Read more on Rad Dudes Riot For Totally Good Reason That Isn’t Stupid At All…
  the rated r superstar

Hollywood Liberals Conspire To Give R Rating To Children’s Film About Andrew Breitbart

Sorry, kids, but Pixar’s newest release, Hating Breitbart, will be rated R, so you will have to either sneak in with fake IDs or wait for it to appear on Encore in, oh, three months. The Daily Caller smells a conspiracy! Producers of the biographical documentary “Hating Breitbart” got news last week that their film received an “R” rating from the Motion Picture Association of America. And with that move official Hollywood, long the preserve of liberal culture warriors, has had what appears to be the last laugh on the late Andrew Breitbart. Oh, yes, the MPAA, that sterling bastion of cultural libertines. (Ask Kevin Smith about getting an NC-17 for language, right after he finishes his guest post at Pajamas Media.) Read more on Hollywood Liberals Conspire To Give R Rating To Children’s Film About Andrew Breitbart…