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Posts Tagged ‘holidays’

Happy Emancipation Day!

Monday, April 16th, 2007

Slave 4 U - WonketteFormer DC Mayor Anthony Williams introduced this now-beloved district-wide public holiday in 2004 to commemorate Lincoln’s freeing of Washington DC’s slaves a couple months before he freed all the slaves in the Confederacy (Washington was sort of a trial balloon, we guess). MORE »


Jesus’ Easter Revenge on Virginia: Snow

Friday, April 6th, 2007

PANIC! SNOW ON THE WAY! MORE »


To Do: Don’t Pass Me Over

Tuesday, April 3rd, 2007

* Sebadoh (Lou Barlow, Eric Gaffney & Jason Loewenstein) at the 9:30 Club with The Bent Moustache. $15 at 9. [9:30 Club]
* Discussion on Affordable Housing/Economic Development issues in DC. Featuring Judy Lawton, Adjunct Professor and Clinical Attorney, Harrison Institute, Georgetown University Law Center and Sam Jefferson, Assistant Professor of Law, David A. Clarke School of Law. At Howard Law School. Free at 6:30PM. [Howard University School of Law Fair Housing Clinic]
* Happy Passover with $1 shots of Manischewitz at Wonderland. Free at 10PM. [WP]


Buy Dick Cheney a Burger, Get Your Name on an NSA Watchlist For No Additional Cost

Monday, March 12th, 2007

Dick Cheney’s android heart is apparently in bad shape. He’s had over six thousand heart attacks, and on a recent trip to Europe, his heart attempted to strangle the life from him by forming a blood clot in the Veep’s leg. MORE »


Bush Finds Many Similarities Between George Washington & Himself

Monday, February 19th, 2007

One of these Georges is a twat. - WonketteGeorge Washington was a towering figure of the American Revolution, which we won. He was so beloved that even the staunchest supporters of the new republican democracy (or democratic republic) were stunned when he didn’t proclaim himself king of the new nation, instead returning home to Mount Vernon where he intended to be a private citizen — until the other Founding Fathers and the citizenry convinced him to serve as president. MORE »


While You Were Sleeping Honoring the Presidents

Monday, February 19th, 2007

Today we honor this dude. - WonketteHappy three-day weekend! Here’s what’s going on, in case you’re one of those idiots dumb enough to be at work today: MORE »


Congressional VD Policy: Quarantine

Wednesday, February 7th, 2007

flowers1.jpgAn embedded congressional operative recently sent us this little document, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because we are living in a world where Lite-Brites shut down major cities for entire panicky days, Congress cannot be too careful when it comes to obviously harmless signifiers of childlike joy.

So if you’d like to send Michele Bachmann some chocolates, remember that “flowers, cards, candy, and gifts of any type” will be held “off-site” in quarantine for at least two days.

Furthermore, if you’d like to directly send Denny Hastert a pick-me-up bouquet, someone in his office will have to engage in some Deep Throat shit to pick it up:

If you are contacted by a delivery person who wants to deliver cut flowers, please instruct the delivery person to meet you in an outside public area. You must meet the delivery person, inspect the flowers and bring the flowers into the House Office complex yourself.

The vigilance of the Capitol Police has ensured that the easiest way to completely shut down the entire Capitol complex this Valentine’s season is to send everyone in congress a single rose.

Full policy after the jump.

MORE »


Wash ‘Times’ Asks: What Did You Get Your Maid for MLK Day?

Tuesday, January 16th, 2007

He died so that you may clean the Times offices with dignity - WonkettePretty classy MLK Day front page photo, Washington Times. Pretty classy. MORE »


Everybody Loves the ‘Montgomery Method’

Monday, January 15th, 2007

Nonviolent Christian Action gets Jim Crow off the buses! - Wonkette
Our long federal holiday nightmare is nearly over, which means the 100 Hour Reich is about to start again! MORE »


Jesus, Chris, George & Marty

Monday, January 15th, 2007

'How 50,000 Negroes found a new way to end racial discrimination' - WonketteHere is some fun MLK Jr. trivia the Main Stream Media won’t tell you: Did you know Dr. King is one of only four humans honored with a U.S. holiday all to themselves?

Thomas Jefferson doesn’t get one, and neither does Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, John Adams or Thomas Paine. Even presidents who were assassinated by Sinister Forces don’t get federal holidays: Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield, William McKinley and John F. Kennedy have been utterly forgotten.

More facts and the greatest painting ever, after the jump.

MORE »


Happy First Super Bowl Day!

Monday, January 15th, 2007

In the name of love, one more in the name of love - WonketteThis country loves football so much, it’s crazy! Nothing proves that more than our beloved federal holiday to celebrate the very first Super Bowl. MORE »