Wonkette

Former DC Mayor Anthony Williams introduced this now-beloved district-wide public holiday in 2004 to commemorate Lincoln’s freeing of Washington DC’s slaves a couple months before he freed all the slaves in the Confederacy (Washington was sort of a trial balloon, we guess). MORE »

PANIC! SNOW ON THE WAY! MORE »

* Sebadoh (Lou Barlow, Eric Gaffney & Jason Loewenstein) at the 9:30 Club with The Bent Moustache. $15 at 9. [9:30 Club]
* Discussion on Affordable Housing/Economic Development issues in DC. Featuring Judy Lawton, Adjunct Professor and Clinical Attorney, Harrison Institute, Georgetown University Law Center and Sam Jefferson, Assistant Professor of Law, David A. Clarke School of Law. At Howard Law School. Free at 6:30PM. [Howard University School of Law Fair Housing Clinic]
* Happy Passover with $1 shots of Manischewitz at Wonderland. Free at 10PM. [WP]

Dick Cheney’s android heart is apparently in bad shape. He’s had over six thousand heart attacks, and on a recent trip to Europe, his heart attempted to strangle the life from him by forming a blood clot in the Veep’s leg. MORE »

George Washington was a towering figure of the American Revolution, which we won. He was so beloved that even the staunchest supporters of the new republican democracy (or democratic republic) were stunned when he didn’t proclaim himself king of the new nation, instead returning home to Mount Vernon where he intended to be a private citizen — until the other Founding Fathers and the citizenry convinced him to serve as president. MORE »

Happy three-day weekend! Here’s what’s going on, in case you’re one of those idiots dumb enough to be at work today: MORE »

An embedded congressional operative recently sent us this little document, just in time for Valentine’s Day. Because we are living in a world where Lite-Brites shut down major cities for entire panicky days, Congress cannot be too careful when it comes to obviously harmless signifiers of childlike joy.

So if you’d like to send Michele Bachmann some chocolates, remember that “flowers, cards, candy, and gifts of any type” will be held “off-site” in quarantine for at least two days.

Furthermore, if you’d like to directly send Denny Hastert a pick-me-up bouquet, someone in his office will have to engage in some Deep Throat shit to pick it up:

If you are contacted by a delivery person who wants to deliver cut flowers, please instruct the delivery person to meet you in an outside public area. You must meet the delivery person, inspect the flowers and bring the flowers into the House Office complex yourself.

The vigilance of the Capitol Police has ensured that the easiest way to completely shut down the entire Capitol complex this Valentine’s season is to send everyone in congress a single rose.

Full policy after the jump.

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Pretty classy MLK Day front page photo, Washington Times. Pretty classy. MORE »

Our long federal holiday nightmare is nearly over, which means the 100 Hour Reich is about to start again! MORE »

Here is some fun MLK Jr. trivia the Main Stream Media won’t tell you: Did you know Dr. King is one of only four humans honored with a U.S. holiday all to themselves?

Thomas Jefferson doesn’t get one, and neither does Benjamin Franklin, James Madison, John Adams or Thomas Paine. Even presidents who were assassinated by Sinister Forces don’t get federal holidays: Abraham Lincoln, James Garfield, William McKinley and John F. Kennedy have been utterly forgotten.

More facts and the greatest painting ever, after the jump.

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This country loves football so much, it’s crazy! Nothing proves that more than our beloved federal holiday to celebrate the very first Super Bowl. MORE »