• Happy New Year (or “Rosh Hashanah”) to all Wonkette’s Jewish friends! Traditionally one rings in the new year by dipping apples in honey and telling one’s parents that of course, one is absolutely going to synagogue tonight. [Washington Post]
• An alternative way to celebrate: President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced earlier today that the Holocaust was a myth. Ok! [New York Times]
• And speaking of Iran, Obama is going back on all Reagan’s Cold War/Star Wars missile defense plans in favor of sending a signal to Israel and the Arabs that the US is well aware of what a bad scene Iran is. [New York Times]
• Max Baucus will do exactly whatever his new friend Olympia Snowe would like him to do to his health care bill, so long as it does not alienate his old group of friends, the Democrats, in the process. [Wall Street Journal]
• Apparently nostalgic for a time when people cared about this, the House and the Senate easily passed some crucial legislation BANNING the ACORNs from receiving federal money. [Los Angeles Times]
• Kim Jong-Il told some Chinese guy, an envoy, that no one had anything to worry about re: North Korea nuking the planet maybe. Despite this, for whatever reason, people are still worried. [Reuters]

Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to move to Canada all over again. MORE »

The pineapple heads over in Hawaii have passed the worst piece of legislation EVER, worse even than the Fugitive Slave Act. They have decided to make September 24, 2009 into “Islam Day,” which will feature forcible conversions, public executions, and widespread consumption of halal meats. MORE »

Two associate editors of a certain NOTORIOUSLY SNARKY D.C. political Web site have been enjoying fun adventures, such as parties with famous overtanned A-list cable news celebrities and looking for Jim’s car keys. Now we are en route to Mount Vernon, where we will be whisked away by tourism authorities and sent to prison camps in Tappahannock. MORE »

Remember your greatest first president, in style! Play it for your kids, or your parents, and Never Forget the Father of Your Country, as presented by the great Austin-American artist Brad Neely, on a teevee show at some point? Happy Presidents Day. (DO NOT TURN UP THE SPEAKERS AT WORK UNLESS YOU HAVE A SPECIAL KIND OF BOSS.) [YouTube]

PLUS THAT GIANT STONE PHALLUS: “Was this man, George Washington, truly our greatest president? No, not at all! Most historians put him in the ‘Top 50,’ at best. But he was the first president, of America, and for that we honor his service to our country.” [AOL Political Machine]

Were you unable to afford a gift for your special someone in honor of that other holiday today, Valentine’s Day? With all the new stimulus money suddenly bouncing around, the lack of funds is no longer a viable cover for forgetfulness. Luckily, DC’s street vendors are more than happy to help. You can pick up your last-minute roses, pink bears, and, um, Obama pins outside any metro stop, all day! MORE »

Oh look, another video e-greeting thingy … but wait! This is a custom holiday greeting just for all you Truck Nutz-lovin’ Obamatards with the perfect Ecodriving scores! Thanks, Obama Girl! Merry Xmas to you, too. [Barely Political]

HATS OFF to esteemed thing Parade for this sexy clip art collage of a mall Santa preparing to bone claymation Rudolph who is stepping on Bill O’Reilly as black people do their black African holiday whatevers in the background. The Jew Cookies see it all. This masterpiece, folks, accompanies “Bill O’Reilly’s Great American Holiday Quiz,” because suddenly you’re NOT ALLOWED to say “Merry Christmas” anymore, in America, because of the Prop 8 protesters. MORE »

While Barack Obama appoints Mr. Peabody as the Secretary of Science or whatever and no other news happens except the usual daily rain of Great Big Depression statistics, let’s give THX for whatever it is that didn’t go terribly wrong this year (the election, for example!) by sharing our favorite T-day food, beverage and dessert recipes right here, in the comments!

A feature in yesterday’s Washington Post Food section very liberally suggests, with a garish math graphic as its weapon, that Americans should use Thanksgiving as an opporunity to learn about eating “green” and reducing one’s carbon footprint. Behold, the language of the new Obama-style post-socialism: “A holiday all about seasonal food presents a real opportunity to eat sustainably. But making the right choices is more complicated than you think. Should you buy local or organic? Or is what you eat — and how much — more important?” This would be an insanely mockable newspaper item if not for the fact that it’s so boring to read. Just look at the graphic! It’s all, “blah blah blah 92% blah fowl e=C0_2 Al Gore blah fart.” Fortunately, the National Review read it and has published a lengthy response, about the War on Thanksgiving. MORE »