holidays
Rick Santorum knew just what the Jews of South Carolina wanted to hear around Hanukkah time: A quote from Jesus in the New Testament threatening people who don’t follow him. That means you, Jews! Oh, brother. Also: “Holiday Season”? There is no such thing. Rick Santorum hates Christmas. [via Hunter Walker]
A “blinking Christmas ornament” was put in the trash at the Pentagon Metro stop this morning, so of course the station had to be shut down, because terrorism. Officials told the AP they “took it seriously,” which is what they always do, even though they should be racist-profiling blinking Eid ornaments, not Christmas ornaments. The [...]
Hark! What’s that sound on the rooftop? Could it be sleigh bells? No, it’s the nation’s unemployment rate, here to bring us holiday cheer! The festive unemployment rate has received its “Christmas bonus” — increasing in November to 9.8%, a seven-month high — while only 39,000 new jobs were created. And most of those jobs [...]
Hanukkah/Chaunkkah, the ancient Hebrew celebration of Christmas, has decided to come early this year — which is strange because baby Jeebus’ birthday isn’t for another four weeks. Now Jews everywhere are going to be confused and will have to get in the Festive Spirit even though it doesn’t quite feel like Christmas yet. Oh, well. [...]
Hooray, it’s… an ugly Blingee! It depicts America’s Fence, keepin’ those perverts away from America’s Piper Palin, except for the ones that can moondance through the large, large gap. Happy Memorial Day weekend to the troops, as well as regular humans! Everyone walkin’ around the beach, stone drunk, no pants, no nothin’… (Also, your departing [...]
Your Wonkette wishes you a Hoppy Easter, a Sexy Sixth day of Passover, a hopey White House egg hunt, a rapey Vatican child hunt, and a Wager-y Basketball day for people who sit around watching other people play sports. That is all! (Oh wait here’s another article about the Nazi Pope turning Easter into another [...]
Happy New Year (or “Rosh Hashanah”) to all Wonkette’s Jewish friends! Traditionally one rings in the new year by dipping apples in honey and telling one’s parents that of course, one is absolutely going to synagogue tonight. [Washington Post] An alternative way to celebrate: President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad announced earlier today that the Holocaust was a [...]
Sam the American Eagle was, of course, both the first blogger and the first warblogger, a creature so deeply patriotic that he figured out how to make his youtubes only appear on the American Wide Web. Yes, it’s almost the three-day Holiday Weekend, so let’s enjoy some cheap video clips to make us want to [...]
The pineapple heads over in Hawaii have passed the worst piece of legislation EVER, worse even than the Fugitive Slave Act. They have decided to make September 24, 2009 into “Islam Day,” which will feature forcible conversions, public executions, and widespread consumption of halal meats.
Two associate editors of a certain NOTORIOUSLY SNARKY D.C. political Web site have been enjoying fun adventures, such as parties with famous overtanned A-list cable news celebrities and looking for Jim’s car keys. Now we are en route to Mount Vernon, where we will be whisked away by tourism authorities and sent to prison camps [...]
Remember your greatest first president, in style! Play it for your kids, or your parents, and Never Forget the Father of Your Country, as presented by the great Austin-American artist Brad Neely, on a teevee show at some point? Happy Presidents Day. (DO NOT TURN UP THE SPEAKERS AT WORK UNLESS YOU HAVE A SPECIAL [...]
PLUS THAT GIANT STONE PHALLUS: “Was this man, George Washington, truly our greatest president? No, not at all! Most historians put him in the ‘Top 50,’ at best. But he was the first president, of America, and for that we honor his service to our country.” [AOL Political Machine]
