Tag Archives: hobo beans

  important wonkette announcements

Hobos, Come Here To Sell Your Sad Cans Of Hobo Beans, Find Everlasting Love

What’s this, what’s this? Are we starting up Wonkette Classifieds? Indeed we are, Poors, and at just the right hobo price: FREE. You could sell a boat! Or barter some moon rocks! Or pen a plaintive missive seeking love from likeminded jerk-offs! But why are we doing this when it will not make us any muneez? That is an excellent question that we will figure out later! Mostly because we love you, idiots, whatever, we guess. You’ll want to make a fake Gmail address or something, as these will be very PRIMITIVE and will not come with mailboxes. Your Editrix will approve them before they post, so don’t try to sell your children into sex slavery please. This is not the Village Voice. Also, your Editrix has a very low tolerance for shitty scams, so, you know, don’t do that. Read more on Hobos, Come Here To Sell Your Sad Cans Of Hobo Beans, Find Everlasting Love…
  america the hobo cage

Hobos Rising: America In Most Jobless Recovery Since World War II

Well here is a nice thought for the Fourth of July weekend: your current American recession is losing the war on joblessness better than the last four recessions! This particular facet of American Exceptionalism will be buying you slobs your hobo chicken stix from now on, please mail your letters there. The bleak job growth news comes from a new report by the Center for Labor Market Studies, which we do not recommend for hobo readers. Put a different way, America is winning the War on Employment so well that for the first time in post-World War II history, our economy has failed to create net job growth in the wake of the recession. Was there good news for anybody at all, maybe like for some of those corporations that we are always giving tax breaks to? Read more on Hobos Rising: America In Most Jobless Recovery Since World War II…
  death camps for these people

Teabaggers Now Protesting … Hobos

Yelling at old guys with Parkinson’s, laughing at poor people with cancer, viciously mocking sick children … today’s teabagger is more than just a fat ignorant racist. Today’s teabagger is an utter sociopath. So who attracted these Ugly American Slobs with the foul protest signs today? Homeless people living in the dirt around this hellscape intersection in Fort Walton Beach, Florida. Read more on Teabaggers Now Protesting … Hobos…
  charity cases

And You Can Just Forget About Your Precious Unemployment Checks, Too

Man remember back when there was this thing called “the dole,” and you could live on it forever while you traveled the country on freight trains, singing hobo medleys and strumming on a banjo? All that changed when Ronald Reagan came to office and cracked down on Welfare Queens, with their diamonds and furs and pink Cadillacs. But if you were a reasonably good employee who got laid off, you could still expect a pittance from the government while you looked for a new job. Not anymore, parasites! Read more on And You Can Just Forget About Your Precious Unemployment Checks, Too…
  crying time

Happy Official U.S. Recession Day, Losers!

Not that you’d know it from the collapse of real estate, manufacturing, finance, retail and basic employment, but America is now officially in a Recession! In the third quarter of this wretched year of Our Lord — which doesn’t even include the 1929-style stock market collapse this month — the economy shrunk by .03%. Not outrageously terrible, as the never-ever-correct people known as economists predicted a half-percent contraction, but it’s still the worse since Our Terrorized Quarter of 9/11. Never forget! Read more on Happy Official U.S. Recession Day, Losers!…