hobbits
It’s the last day of summer, everybody! Technically, anyway. Summer has been extended by a few years for many parts of the United States, especially Texas. But you know what else is important about this day before the Autumn Equinox? It’s the birthday of fictional hobbit celebrities Bilbo Baggins and Frodo Baggins, both born on [...]
According to sources within every other GOP candidate’s campaign, Rick Perry is a liberal queer who loves Al Gore, Hillarycare, Hillary Clinton, Obamacare and federal welfare money handouts for the Texas wildfires he deliberately started, for the cause of Mexican socialism. So it’s no surprise that the pothead hobbits who support Ron Paul are launching [...]
Roving gangs of unruly Arizona Teatards showed up to a John McCain town hall meeting to do the usual: holler and gnash their teeth and complain about the price of scooter fuel and double deep fried Oreos. Not news! But the butthurt contingent of lunatics also demanded that WALNUTS apologize for that one recent time [...]
It has long been whispered in Washington wine bars and Jazzercise studios that Maureen Bridgid Dowd is the heiress to the tradition of the great bards of old, those who sang their lusty story-songs ‘neath the Maypole at Beltane and o’er the bonfires below Tara at Midsummer. In her Sunday column, she turns her ageless [...]
There’s the real CNN we all hate, which is nothing but a bunch of political consultant hacks sitting at tables reading talking points right off their laptop screens while Wolf Blitzer staggers around yelling nonsense. And then there’s the imaginary CNN available exclusively within Ross Douthat’s skull, a network broadcasting only Hard News programming. To [...]
Sex-hating weirdo Ross Douthat, like most Christian nerds, found the perfect mix of Dungeons and Dragons and Jesus Monster in C.S. Lewis’ boring Christian allegorical rip-offs of Harry Potter. So in his exciting new NYT column, Douthat naturally wastes space in the Paper of Record wondering why Jews can’t have a magical Middle Earth “Narnia” [...]
Political perfection has been attained: A Paultard somewhere loaned his VHS recording of Peter Jackson’s Misty Mountain Hop from the TNT basic-cable channel to a Teabagger with a big idea: Somehow, hobbits is about Obama, the black person. Merry fucking christmas. [YouTube via "Rev. Peter"]
Tonight through Sunday, June 21: Some people would rather stab themselves in the eyes than see a ballet. But then there are the more refined folk who, like everyone’s favorite ballet-dancer-turned-politician Rahm Emanuel, cherish the idea of watching pretty people dance in circles and do fun twists in the air. If you fall into the [...]
America’s favorite doctor, Ron Paul, is struggling with demons we cannot even begin to comprehend. Here he is whining to an empty House of Representatives last night, about the night terrors he suffers and the horrifying intrusion of interdimensional orcs into his waking life. [YouTube]
The Rush Limbaugh program is a very entertaining program, it’s true. This segment with a caller is funny enough when he’s explaining to her what an addiction is like, and how the liberals are all “addicted to power,” whereas he was merely addicted to a tasty opiate. But then, after an awkward few seconds of [...]
The teabagging controversy grows baggier by the hour, as pretty much every loser in 2006, 2008 and life in general is in a desperate battle to prove they started the tea-bag craze. Forgetting for a moment that the people who “started” the tea-party nonsense were actually greedy Englishmen of the British Empire’s colony of Taxachusetts [...]
