Wonkette

OH THIS GUY. “Martin Eisenstadt” is a comic invention who surfaces every 8-10 weeks to release satirical videos about Rudy Giuliani and spread fake rumors about the McCain campaign. Your Wonkette has seriously fallen for this trick once, when Eisenstadt reported that Paris Hilton’s family was FURIOUS about using their beloved blonde dingbat in McCain’s celebrity video. It seemed true! And funny. MORE »

Some liberal group of liberals produced a fake edition of the New York Times revealing all the wonderful things that will happen once hippies rule the world, next July. The evil corporate Harvard Business School will close forever; George Bush will be tried for war crimes; and the Patriot Act will be repealed by a 99-1 vote, with only a drunken Jon Kyl dissenting. Jesus, reading this thing is like crawling in Medea Benjamin’s brain. Come join us in a tour of this bleeding-heart masturbation pamphlet. MORE »

OK, college kids, we know that you immediately will believe anything that a dumb Internet message tells you, but this e-mail from George Mason University’s “Provost” is, in fact, a hoax sent by racist hackers trying to stop the black guy from winning Virginia. So go out and vote as planned, it won’t take long, and then you can continue to play your Britney Spears Xbox games on the Wii.

Here’s your favorite Ashley Todd, the little smiling hobbit down there with her pals and her first hero, the Doctor Congressman Ron Paul, with Cowboy Jesus looking on in the background. Ashley’s not a “Real Paultard,” as she decided to root for another candidate after Ron Paul lost miserably. This hypocrisy is considered rather uncouth by the Paultard Council. But she was with the Paultards long enough to learn how to act like a fucking idiot, and this is how we should remember her. We decided the occasion called for a touch of sepia, beg yr pardon.

• NICE TRY, FRAUDBOT: Oh looky, she’s changed her story: “The student, Ashley Todd, of College Station, Texas, initially said a black man robbed her at knifepoint Wednesday night and then cut her cheek after seeing a McCain sticker on her car. Police say bank surveillance footage doesn’t show her at an ATM where she says she was attacked. Todd, who is white, now says she was knocked unconscious and doesn’t remember being cut. She now says she only discovered the wound later.” She is the President of Lies. [AP]

Ashley Todd is the brave young patriot Ken and Jim have been writing about nonstop since yesterday evening. She got robbed of her pocket change by an angry dyslexic Negro monster lurking behind a Pittsburgh-area money hole, and then Twittered about it all the way home, and now nobody believes her story because America is still a very sexist nation. This morning we found one billion tips in our inbox containing various sordid revelations regarding this tragic victim. Let’s take a look… MORE »

HOPE.NET UN-HACKED: A concerned reader writes, “when I checked this morning, Hope.net now links to BarackObama.com. That seems to prove that the site was truly hacked after all, even though many of the commentators seem to want to believe it was fake.” Ha ha so suck on that, COMMENTATORS. [Wonkette]

Ron Paul’s most fervent supporters were outraged to learn that “Watson University” had rescinded an invitation for the Libertarian congressman to speak there. One commenter on The City Desk declared angrily that “Ron Paul can teach your entire student body more in 1 hour than they learn in 4 years of study.” But the biggest problem with this educational institution isn’t their brazen dis of America’s greatest patriot. It’s that it doesn’t exist. MORE »

A tipster sent us this email, which he says came from his son, a conservative blogger. MORE »

While we were enjoying whatever people enjoy over the long War On Christmas weekend, that secret NRA graphic novel we discovered was causing all sorts of ruckus.

A bunch of dull morons over at the Daily Kos spent a lonesome day “proving” how we magically created all this beautifully frightening artwork because “Wonkette: Liar” (seriously, that was their headline). Smarter people over at a California concealed-weapon-permit site had more interesting things to say, but concluded the NRA comic was a hoax not by Wonkette but by a literary website we’ve never heard of — that theory lasted long enough to make it to Boing Boing, while CBS News producers desperately sought comment from Wonkette editors … in the comments.

More crap, after the jump.

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Whee, fun little joke in today’s Note. You see, they were “leaked” a “private” “memo” from “Tony Snow” full of his suggestions re. improving press relations and boosting Bush’s numbers and various things that Note people care about and/or imagine the White House cares about. It’s really, really lame. We can’t tell if they think Tony Snow is a moron, or if they think their moronic ideas are clever. It calls for Bush to do more brush-clearing, fer chrissakes. MORE »