Wonkette

Maybe Senator Elizabeth Dole teaches a community college English class on the side and wants to show her students a cartoonish, real-life example of “irony,” because that’s the only way to explain her current episode of retardation. She has introduced an amendment to the HIV/AIDS/etc. relief bill nearing completion in the Senate that would rename it after dead Senator Jesse Helms, the famous hero who once said, “There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy.” This Senate bill, interestingly enough, will probably contain another amendment — this one from John Kerry and Gordon Smith — to remove the HIV travel and immigration ban for foreigners hoping to enter the United States. This ban, of course, began in 1987 and is called the “Helms Amendment.” So basically, Boo Elizabeth Dole! Elizabeth Dole has gonorrhea! [HuffPo]

ISN’T THAT JUST SOME GAY DISEASE THOUGH?: According to Andrew Sullivan’s gay Congressional ESP, Sen. David Vitter, who likes to have diaper sex with prostitutes left and right, is the “only Senator opposing the removal of the HIV travel and immigration ban” from “The United States President’s Emergency Plan for AIDS Relief,” a.k.a. PEPFAR. What kind of godforsaken world do we live in where David Vitter is the only guy who doesn’t want Americans getting AIDS from these foreign gays who come here and start coughing everywhere? [Andrew Sullivan]

The big WaPo story today revealed the “first statistics ever amassed on HIV in the District,” and the results thank God are pretty benign. Just a “modern epidemic,” that’s all. Congratulations to the District of Columbia for figuring this out now, instead of like maybe several years ago. MORE »

• White House compromises with McCain’s crew on terror suspect interrogation techniques. Geneva Convention “remains intact,” but CIA will still be knocking skulls, so “we’re all winners.” [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT, W$J]

• CDC now advocating routine testing for HIV among all patients aged 13 to 64. [WP, NYT]
• Wal-Mart will begin offering many generic drugs for $4. [WP, LAT, USAT]
• Republican offensive enters new phase with the old standby, “Democrats want to tax you into the poorhouse.” [NYT]
• Army to make larger use of National Guard to get more boots on the ground in Iraq and Afghanistan, “The biggest challenge is manpower.” [NYT]

* Surgeon General Richard Carmona: “Obesity is the terror within.” (Our solution: have the NSA eavesdrop on fat people.) [AP] MORE »