Tag Archives: hitler

  One Angry Dwarf

Chuck C. Johnson In Middle Of Sexy Drowned Stewardess Hitler Fantasia

It may have been a holiday weekend, but the news never stops — and neither does sleazy reporting remora Chuck C. Johnson, who can always find a way to say something surreally horrifying about almost anything. Consider that missing AirAsia flight, for instance, which led Mr. Johnson to think with his Johnson: Read more on Chuck C. Johnson In Middle Of Sexy Drowned Stewardess Hitler Fantasia…
  E. Coli Now Smarter Than Creationists!

Michigan State University Gets To Learn Why Darwin Did The Holocaust

Actually, we might go to this conference...
Thanks to some help from a campus student group, Michigan State University’s campus in East Lansing gets to host a great big Creationism conference, not that the university itself is particularly excited about the prospect of bringing in a bunch of goofballs to argue that Darwin = Hitler. Read more on Michigan State University Gets To Learn Why Darwin Did The Holocaust…
  you know who else ... ?

British Politician Gives Hot Tip To Youngsters: Learn To Talk Like Hitler

We will totally admit that we do not know much about politics in Merry Olde Limeyland, mostly because the parliamentary system seems really fucking complicated. How do you British people keep track of them all? Do you just kind of lose track of some of the parties? Because we’re thinking maybe that’s a possible excuse for the existence of one Bill Etheridge, a UK Independence Party (UKip!!) member of the European Parliament (MEP!!) who gave a little public speaking seminar for aspiring politicians where one of his pro-tips was that speakers should emulate Hitler. Read more on British Politician Gives Hot Tip To Youngsters: Learn To Talk Like Hitler…
  Dances With Wingnuts

Hey Native Americans, Let Ted Nugent Tell You How To Be Native American Like Him

looks like a tribute to the historic Native American tradition of blowing up breast cancer with grenades
Hey, Dances With Nuge, what is up? Oh, you are more Indian than all the Indians who have canceled your concerts at their awesome casinos, and you would like to tell Glenn Beck about it, and Glenn Beck is the sane one in this exchange? Sounds fun, let’s roll tape! Read more on Hey Native Americans, Let Ted Nugent Tell You How To Be Native American Like Him…
  'hoft' doesn't sound like an american name

There Goes Elizabeth Warren Being Hitler Again

Hitler was also a Harvard professor!
Having successfully fucked over a Texas charity last week, Stupidest Man on the Internet Jim Hoft decided to try some new formats over the weekend, and attempted a Buzzfeed-style listicle. For instance, based on a tip from a reader, he noticed some ideas in Elizabeth Warren’s ‘Eleven Commandments for Progressives” that were “EERILY SIMILAR” to the “25 points of the Nazi Party” as promulgated by Hitler in 1920. We looked at the two lists, and we have to agree: they are both lists! Read more on There Goes Elizabeth Warren Being Hitler Again…
  funny you don't look carbonous

Please Stop Holocausting The Carbon

Just when you thought that the internet had pretty much plumbed the depths of all possible dumb Holocaust analogies, along comes CNBC guest “expert” William Happer, who somehow is a professor in physics at Princeton and also a global warming denier. On CNBC’s Squawk Box the other night, Happer explained that not only are pretty much all climate scientists wrong, but that poor innocent carbon dioxide itself is getting a bum rap, and is being demonized exactly like “the poor Jews under Hitler,” because presumably tiny little trains are about to start deporting all the carbon atoms to death camps where they will be fed to hungry phytoplankton or something. Read more on Please Stop Holocausting The Carbon…
 

Socialist Millennials Will Be The Next Reagan Youth. Also: Confused

The fun libertarians (just kidding) at Reason have a big new poll out about Millennials — okay, not “about” Millennials, as in that case the answer would just be “Millennials suck,” but rather asking Millennials for their “thoughts” about “stuff.” Luckily, the poll confirms everything we have been saying about them since 1986 or so: these little fuckers will be the next Reagan Youth. They are all “waah, cut government” and “waaah, cut Social Security” and “waaah, Obama did not give me anything except reduced student loan payments and health insurance so I do not die of easily preventable diseases and some SNAP benefits so I do not die of scurvy and extended unemployment benefits so I do not die of homelessness except I never held a job long enough to qualify because I quit once I found out the boss of the business was going to tell me to do stuff, HOW IS THAT EVEN FAIR I HAVE RIGHTS, MAAAAAN and also Obama did drones :( gonna update my tumblr brb.” Oh, and also all Millennials are Socialists. Socialists who want to cut the government and Social Security. Let’s sexplore! Read more on Socialist Millennials Will Be The Next Reagan Youth. Also: Confused…
  hippie vice time people

Protip For Rainbow Family Gathering: Don’t Trust Anyone Named ‘Hitler,’ Even If She Is A Hippie

There was some serious harshing of the mellow at this year’s Rainbow Family Gathering near Heber City, Utah, when a hippie lady who calls herself “Hitler” stabbed another hippie person, nonfatally, thank goodness. Leilani Novak-Garcia, who prefers the name “Hitler” (we couldn’t find any background on why she chose that moniker, exactly), was arrested and charged with attempted murder after stabbing a 45-year-old man multiple times. But we bet she had a really good reason! Read more on Protip For Rainbow Family Gathering: Don’t Trust Anyone Named ‘Hitler,’ Even If She Is A Hippie…
  Yelling At Ann Coulter

We’re Liveblogging US Vs Germany In Your AM Happy Links!

GOOOOOAAAAAAAL! This is a thing Spanish-speaking commentator gents will say on the teevee today, hopefully when the US scores a million bajillion points against Germany. We’ve got a whole lotta fun goin’ on at Happy Nice Time People! Read more on We’re Liveblogging US Vs Germany In Your AM Happy Links!…
  you know who else? (ann coulter)

Why Today’s U.S. Vs Germany Soccer Match Is Hitler’s (And Ann Coulter’s!) Worst Nightmare

Today’s match is Hitler’s nightmare scenario: a US team with a German national hero as a coach plus a bunch of international players with dual citizenship, including five guys with German moms and African-American service member dads. It is also master troll Ann Coulter’s nightmare scenario because she hates soccer, and immigrants, and fun. They are both so sad today, probably, in Hell/wherever Ann Coulter lives. Read more on Why Today’s U.S. Vs Germany Soccer Match Is Hitler’s (And Ann Coulter’s!) Worst Nightmare…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious frothy blend — add whatever brain solvents you may need to help digest them. Read more on Derp Roundup: Jenna Bush Has A Posse — And They’re Big Jerk Babies…
  law and ordure

Arizona Tea Party Lady Shocked By Parallels Between Bundy Ranch, Tiananmen Square

Today’s winner of the “At Least You Didn’t Say Hitler” award goes to Arizona state Rep. Kelly Townsend, who said she was shocked to see video of police using a stun gun on one of the sons of Hero Nevada Scofflaw Cliven Bundy. How upsetting was the video, exactly? “Watching that video last night created a visceral reaction in me,” Townsend told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. “It sounds dramatic, but it reminded me of Tiananmen Square. I don’t recognize my country at this point.” She apparently doesn’t recognize China, either, where in 1989 People’s Liberation Army troops killed hundreds of peaceful protestors, possibly upwards of 1,000, depending on whose estimates you use. But apart from that, yes, the stunning of one guy and the seizure of a couple hundred cattle is almost exactly the same. Once again, however, we do wish to congratulate Ms. Townsend on not comparing the action to the Nazis. Read more on Arizona Tea Party Lady Shocked By Parallels Between Bundy Ranch, Tiananmen Square…
  teach your children well

Gun Fondler Larry Pratt Pretty Certain Teachers Helping Kids Stay Safe During School Shootings Are Wusses

Larry Pratt, king of Gun Owners for Gun Owners For And By America, Amen, showed up on the un-delightfully misnomered Christian Information Radio last week to talk about new spring floral arrangements how guns are the very bestest thing that has ever happened to America or schoolchildren ever. We are no stranger to Pratt here at yr Wonkette, because he’s given us such insights as “grab your guns so that Bamz can’t wipe out Whitey” and “keep reminding Congress they could get shot at any old time.” Never one to rest on his laurels, though, Pratt has now come ’round to explain to us that if you are being stalked by a killer with a gun and your first impulse is to hide and protect children, you are a wussy wuss wuss wuss and sure as hell should not be lauded. Read more on Gun Fondler Larry Pratt Pretty Certain Teachers Helping Kids Stay Safe During School Shootings Are Wusses…
  larouche larouche larouche is on fire

LaRouchite Lady Running In Texas Unclear How Elections And Hitler Comparisons Work

Remember the Golden Era of Lyndon LaRouche circa the mid-1980s where you couldn’t go anywhere without getting accosted by the LaRouche people sporting that weird shiny glimmer in the eye that is the sign of a true believer zealot? Do you miss them now that there are only random pockets of LaRouchiness happening in the world? Don’t be sad! If you mosey on down to Texas, you can get a full-on dose of LaRouche from Kesha Rogers, who is running for John Cornyn’s seat as a Democrat and managed to pull enough votes to force a runoff in the primary. Kesha Rogers expects her Senate platform of impeaching President Barack Obama and repealing Obamacare to carry her to victory in the Texas Democratic primary — and said that Obama’s support for “Nazis in Ukraine” makes him like Hitler. Rogers, an acolyte of the cultish fringe political icon Lyndon LaRouche, was able to make it to the runoff in the Democratic primary for Sen. John Cornyn’s (R-TX) seat with 21.7 percent of the vote in Tuesday’s primary. She now faces dentist David Alameel to get the nomination and face Cornyn. Democrats, fearing Rogers as the Democratic nominee, have actively worked try and stop her from making it past the primary. She sounds like she has a great grasp of foreign AND domestic policy! Read more on LaRouchite Lady Running In Texas Unclear How Elections And Hitler Comparisons Work…
  won't anybody think of the rich and powerful?

Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick

So you all remember Tom Perkins, right? He is the bazillionaire who is afraid that all the little people will go full-Nazi and holocaust all the rich people, because it was his turn to make the “just like Hitler” reference of the day. While he has since said that maybe, perhaps, the holocaust analogy went just a smidge over the line, he still feels that the rich are constantly getting dicked over by all the little people. In order to hammer home the point, he decided to go full-47%, a la Mitt Romney, and take aim at the takers: Tom Perkins suggested Thursday that only taxpayers should have the right to vote — and that wealthy Americans who pay more in taxes should get more votes. Clearly, Perkins is unimpressed with the current GOP efforts to block poor people from voting. Let’s explore the merits of One Dollar, One Vote, shall we?  Read more on Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick…
  You know who else was just like Hitler?

2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler

Oh 2013, how we will miss you and your multitudes of bad analogies, even though we are pretty sure 2014 will bring us even more bad analogies, because America is awful and Americans are awful, and it is now standard practice to compare anything you do not like to really bad stuff and/or really bad people. Like Hitler. (Or, on occasion, if you’re feeling creative, Rwanda.) The Republicans’ government shutdown this year was basically like the Battle of Gettysburg. Why? Because! A similar trend this year is to compare horribly awful terrible people who do horribly awful terrible things to great heroes who did great things because why not? Like, the Duck Dynasty dude is like Rosa Parks. Why? Because! (See also Ted Nugent, who is like Rosa Parks, according to Ted Nugent.) And of course Rick Santorum is just like Nelson Mandela, in that Rick Santorum is trying to destroy health care and Nelson Mandela gave his country health care, but if you forget that Santorum is doing the opposite of what Mandela did, they’re basically exactly the same guy. You can’t even tell them apart! But nothing tops the bad Hitler analogies because Jesus, that has become more popular than taking feminist twerking selfies at funerals. EVERYTHING is basically just like Hitler nowadays. Let us do the squiggly line flashback thingy where we fondly recall all the ways America’s Greatest Idiots idiotsplained to us how things they do not like are JUST LIKE HITLER. Read more on 2013’s Person Of The Year: Hitler, Who Was Just Like Hitler…
  you know who else loved hitler?

Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?

Hey man, Tila Tequila (you don’t know her; she’s this girl) does not hate Jews okay, she does not know how many times she has to say it, she is totally cool with Jews and would probably not genocide them or even murder them and this one time she even felt sorry for WWII prisoners of war so obviously she can never be anti-semitic, she is just asking questions, well she is not so Read more on Tila Tequila Doesn’t Hate Jews, She Just Loves Hitler And Would Like Some Attention, Is That So Wrong?…
  ambien walrus kill your parents

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why U So Gay-Murdery, Wonkette Nazi Hoors?

Sometimes we wonder about some of you people. OK, not YOU, loyal Wonkaloos, but you, over there, the one who just got here and decided that you really need to set us straight about le justice social and los correctnesses politicale. In response to a throwaway line in Wonkette’s story yesterday about that billboard with the Hitler Quote that Never Was, we received this very, very upset message from “Sephia825″: “And then they shoved his head in a toilet and drowned him to death for being such a FAG.” Really?! What is so wrong with being a gay / fag? Are we suggesting that if one is a true “fag” they deserve this kind of treatment? Dear Sephia825: This was an example of the comic use of “hyperbole,” or in the common parlance, a pun*. Yr Wonkette would never subject a gay / fag (or nerd Jew) to a lethal swirly. We only prescribe that punishment for concern trolls. Also, what kind of cut-rate commenter takes their username from a Kia automobile? That is just too faggy for words. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why U So Gay-Murdery, Wonkette Nazi Hoors?…
  but then some stupid swede might win the snowmobiling gold

Lindsey Graham Wants To Boycott Winter Olympics, Mitt Romney Upset Until He Remembers He Lost

Dimwitted Foghorn Leghorn impersonator Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-Fainting Couch) is most put out by this Edward Snowden fellow and the terrible treason he has perpetrated upon our great nation. And if anyone knows from perpetrating treason upon the Union, it is someone from South Carolina! Also because one bad Nazi analogy per day is not enough anymore to make us want to stick a piano wire directly through our eye into our frontal lobe and swirl it around for a while, let’s see if two can do the trick. As we mentioned the other day much to the chagrin of some of you terrible people, Benedict Arnold Snowden is applying for temporary asylum in Russia as a first step to getting himself out of the transit zone at the Moscow airport. The Russians have said they will consider his application, which just gives Lindsey Graham a terrible case of the vapors. Luckily there is a big event coming up in Russia next year that Ham Biscuits thinks the U.S. could use as a political cudgel to bend Vladimir Putin to our will: Read more on Lindsey Graham Wants To Boycott Winter Olympics, Mitt Romney Upset Until He Remembers He Lost…
  Happy Just Like Hitler Day For Reals This Time

Rep. Trent Franks’s Magic Ladyparts Rape Theory Is Literally — LITERALLY — Just Like Hitler

We here at Yr Wonkette are fond of mocking the ever-lovin’ shit out of Republicans who are fond of saying that such-and-such or so-and-so is just like Hitler or Nazis or the Holocaust, or some variation thereon. Like how overhearing things at Sen. Mitch McConnell’s office is just like the gestapo. (Also, Watergate, which we guess means Nixon = Hitler?) And IRSghazigate will lead to the “American Holocaust” and the “great civil war.” Both kinds! Hooray! And how if Rick Santorum can’t gay-bash at our children, it is “kind of like the Jews in Nazi Germany.” Uh, yeah. Kind of. Except not. And Obamacare is just like the Holocaust because that’s how Hitler got his start — negotiating slightly lower premiums with health insurance companies. And abortion is just like the Holocaust, because while Hitler may have started by negotiating insurance premiums, he quickly moved on to comprehensive medical care for women — AND THEIR LADYPARTS — which is obviously a short, straight shot to genocide. Arizona Rep. Trent Franks (R-OF COURSE) is one such just-like-the-Holocauster, and this week, while while arguing for his bill to ban abortion at 20 weeks, which is unconstitutional plus also a total dick move, he went full-on Todd Akin, and jumped on the magic ladyparts theory bandwagon, dumbsplaining that “the incidence of rape resulting in pregnancy are very low.” (Yes, that would be another time-honored tradition among Republicans of saying JAW-DROPPINGLY STUPID SHIT about rape. But let us not digress.) So it is with great shock, a dash of awe, and, not gonna lie, a pinch of schadenfreude (that’s a German word, and yes yes, we know who else spoke German), that we present you with this little gem, courtesy of Emily Bazelon at Slate: Read more on Rep. Trent Franks’s Magic Ladyparts Rape Theory Is Literally — LITERALLY — Just Like Hitler…