Wonkette

A House resolution that would recognize the 1915 Armenian Genocide as, well, a genocide is running into some problems: America’s strategic interests! You see, we are best (strategic) buds with the internationally despised Turks, because they let us use an air base. And as we all know, access to air bases trumps symbolic recognition of unthinkable acts of evil every time. MORE »

Recently unearthed Nixon White House tapes (always words we are thrilled to read) reveal that Dick could occasionally be sorta lucid and spot-on, while still spouting obscenities and insults in that classic Nixon style. Back in the dark days of Watergate, a young Republican prosecutor named Fred Thompson (whose exciting first debate is being liveblogged below as we speak!) was appointed by the Senate to join Democratic prosecutor Sam Dash in investigating Nixon’s various and sundry crimes. Dick was not particularly happy to hear this. MORE »

Yesterday’s Maureen Dowd column (oh, thank heavens for the end of TimesSelect!) was a wacky inside joke in which Dowd wrote ostensibly from the perspective of Justice Clarence Thomas, railing against Al Gore and disguising it as Anita Hill. Thomas refuses to apologize for denying Gore the presidency because he is a bore. It has been a while since we actually read MoDo regularly, so maybe our grasp of her grasp of irony is a bit rusty, but the whole thing is kinda funny considering how Dowd herself is nearly as responsible for Al’s political destruction as one vilified member of the court that sold him out! MORE »

Bill and Hillary are apparently responsible for the Bush presidency, according to Vanity Fair’s October issue. As we all could’ve probably guessed, Al Gore’s loss in the 2000 election was entirely the fault of the the Clintons, who used all their fundraising acumen and massive charm reserves to get Hillary elected to the Senate instead of helping Bill’s rightful successor, Al, get elected despite his best efforts to fuck the whole thing up. MORE »

Are you smart enough to be a citizen? While it’s long been accepted that ignorance of history is what keeps America strong, it seems that immigrants are all expected to pass a civics test to become citizens and get Tom Tancredo off their backs. And they just updated the whole thing. So now everyone has to answer brand-new questions about Abe Lincoln and the lady from the old dollar coins (not the Indian, the other one) and, uh, 9/11. MORE »

Thanks to the Washington Post’s new “Fact Checker” feature, we know that when Fred Thompson claimed that more Americans “have shed more blood for other people’s liberty than any other combination of nations in the history of the world,” he wasn’t making any goddamn sense at all. [WP]

SHOCKER: Mitt Romney apparently once believed that “all citizens deserve equal rights!” Also he printed a totally gay flier. Back in 2002. He’s from Massachusetts, did you know this? And if he has his way all the gay Mormons will get married to each other and form one huge polygamous union/army. [Romney Facts via ABC]

Strom Thurmond’s wife sexily undoing another man’s tie so that they can “party.” Just in case, you know, you had any sort of sex drive left. Maybe tomorrow someone can share a story of a three-way involving Truman and Robert Byrd! [Quick Study via Andrew Sullivan]

A couple weeks ago we mocked the RNC research department for trying to tie Hillary Clinton’s felon donor story to the various trumped-up Clinton fundraising scandals of the mid-’90s. The emails seemed to suggest that the “scandals” were one and the same because all the donors in question were Asians who were therefore probably secret Chinese agents. This, uh, interpretation didn’t really get much traction. Until today! When the Post’s campaign blog thing ran a de-racialized version of it! MORE »

Back in 1988, some Libyan terrorists exploded an airplane over Scotland, just a few short years after they shot and killed beloved scientist Dr. Emmet “Doc” Brown. A couple years after that, a tv actor named Freddie Thompson provided the accused terrorists with some legal advice. MORE »

Noriega’s getting out early for good behavior! But do we send him to France, where he faces a money-laundering conviction, or Panama, where he’ll be under house arrest until he dies? We say, let’s send him on a wacky road trip with the dude who shot Wallace, so they can rediscover America, and themselves. [CNN]