Tag Archives: history

  Don't Know Much About History (And Don't Need To)

Oh Good, Gov. Bobby Jindal ‘Wrote’ A History ‘Book’

Did you know you can buy one of these cool hats without attending a single college class? Pretty cool deal.
Louisiana, as you may have heard, isn’t a state that’s all that big on forcing education into people. Its public schools are being dismantled through aggressive “school choice” vouchers that use precious taxpayer dollars to fund religious schools, including some without libraries — just as long as they don’t include any weird religions that don’t have Jesus in them. The state encourages teachers to bring in their own alternate instructional materials to help students think critically about the lies of science. And in the current legislative session, Louisiana is fixing to cut funding higher education by as much as 82 percent, which could lead to entire academic departments being eliminated. Louisiana State University is drafting the academic equivalent of a plan to file for bankruptcy, to have it ready, just in case. But there’s no need to panic. Gov. Bobby Jindal has plans to rescue Louisiana education in at least one academic subject: He’s publishing a history book in October. Read more on Oh Good, Gov. Bobby Jindal ‘Wrote’ A History ‘Book’…
  This IS TOO an important story shut up

Did You Misplace Your Dildo During The 18th Century? If So, Good News!

Much more fun than dumb old dinosaur bones.
They found it! You’re not getting it back, though, so don’t rush out for a bottle of lube yet. Yes, archaeologists have discovered a very well-preserved 250-year-old dildo in an old latrine in Gdańsk, Poland. It is very … well, it’s very unique! We always wondered what people in the 1700s sticked up their sex holes (no we didn’t), but now we know! According to Discovery News, that clam pounder right there is big and girthy and it’s “made of leather filled with bristles, and has a wooden tip.” That sounds … kind of painful? But hey, it was the 1700s, you ram your junk with the technology you have, not the technology you wish you had. Read more on Did You Misplace Your Dildo During The 18th Century? If So, Good News!…
  The Glassy-Eyed Knoll

Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane

Don't be silly. Everyone knows O'Reilly doesn't know how to play bass
For fans of Bill O’Reilly in full red-faced “I never said what I obviously said” mode, the next couple days should be fun. No, Bill O’Reilly was not at a Kennedy assassination figure’s suicide, Deep Throat’s parking garage, or the moon landing. Read more on Ace Reporter Bill O’Reilly Killed Lee Harvey Oswald, Ran Area 51, Co-Piloted Amelia Earhart’s Plane…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Paris Attackers Didn’t Just Come Out of Nowhere, Imagine That (Video)

Friday’s Rachel Maddow Show led off with the kind of reporting you don’t see enough of, but that you’d think 24-hour news would be ideally suited for: a fairly in-depth look at the modern history of terror by Islamic radicals in France (which is also wrapped up with that country’s former colony, Algeria), and how it connects to the attacks in Paris last week. As it turns out, two of the terrorists in that attack were involved in a failed 2010 prison break plot to free one of the perpetrators of a 1995 train station bombing in Paris. It’s fascinating stuff, and a reminder that terrorism and terrorists don’t just come out of nowhere. And no, Fox News, knowing the history and motivations is not “making excuses” for terrorism. Read more on Morning Maddow: Paris Attackers Didn’t Just Come Out of Nowhere, Imagine That (Video)…
  Ice Cream Mandrake. Children's Ice Cream

BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation

This is a man who knows about conspiracies
Of the many things that you may have been worried about this week, the good fact-checkers at Politifact would like to free you of one possible source of anxiety: No, the practice of water fluoridation did not begin in Nazi Germany. Please remain calm and go about your business. Read more on BREAKING: Jesse Ventura Wrong About Nazi Water Fluoridation…
  And What About All Those Red Indians?

No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism

The Platonic Ideal Of Cheesy Thanksgiving Photos
It’s Thanksgiving Day, so as we gather together with (or hide from) our families, however functional or dysfunctional they may be, let us remember the true meaning of any American holiday: It’s an opportunity to pound home a political lesson about why We Are Good and They Are Bad. It’s a revered grim tradition: You serve Susan Stamberg’s socialist NPR cranberry relish, and your Teabagger brother-in-law recites how the settlers of Plymouth Plantation nearly starved because they had socialism forced upon them, but finally prospered after they became capitalists. Here’s a fairly typical version of the story that was emailed to our Wonkette tip line in 2012; the story was also a favorite of Rep. Todd “Shut that down” Akin, and in 2013, Rush Limbaugh wrote a best-selling children’s book promoting the same fantasy. Read more on No, Mr. Limbaugh, Thanksgiving Has Never Been A Celebration Of The Pilgrims’ Triumph Over Socialism…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Day: In Which We Hear From Some Turkeys

We elected not to use the Cosmo-Kramer-as-turkey image we first saw. You're welcome.
We really were planning to just get a couple of new posts up today and then coast on recipes while getting ready for Thanksgiving, but darned if we didn’t notice a couple of high-priority, short-shelf-life messages from idiots in the Comments queue. They simply would not wait until after the weekend, no sir. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: In Which We Hear From Some Turkeys…
  The Master's A Tool

Massachusetts Parents Freaked Out By Textbook That Says Not All Slaves Were Tortured

Remember how the Teaheads in Chandler Gilbert (Dok’s geographic aphasia strikes again), Arizona, are on the cusp of murdering some biology textbooks because the books say that abortion is a thing that exists? Well, it’s time for a big ol’ “Both Sides Do It!” jamboree, because in Brookline, Massachusetts, some parents are simply livid about a passage in a 5th-grade American History text that says — and we hope you are sitting down — that not every slave back in slavery times was horribly mistreated. A local teevee report explains that after parents complained to the local school board, the district announced the book, published in 2001, would be phased out at the end of the year; in the meantime, according to a letter sent to parents, it will not be used in history classes, but rather, the passage will be used to “question the authority of a published book.” Read more on Massachusetts Parents Freaked Out By Textbook That Says Not All Slaves Were Tortured…
  Dia De Los Dipshits

Kirk Cameron Proves Pagans Tried To Steal Halloween From Baby Jesus

Could be Baby Jesus, could be mummies. Your call
Onetime teevee actor Kirk Cameron, getting into the spirit of the pre-Christmas movie release season, gave a very exciting interview to the Christian Post, in which he revealed that Halloween is a 100 percent Christian festival of 100 percent Christian origins. Read more on Kirk Cameron Proves Pagans Tried To Steal Halloween From Baby Jesus…
  Teach The Nontroversy

Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?

Some of teh volunteers at Antietam
The Great AP History Fight in Jefferson County, Colorado, continues into another week, and there have been a few new developments. For one thing, on Thursday night the conservative school board passed a compromise version of a proposal to review all curricular materials, with particular emphasis on Advanced Placement US History (APUSH). The original proposal would have screened instructional materials to ensure they promoted “positive aspects” of God’s Favorite Nation, like patriotism, respect for authority, individual rights, and the free enterprise system, while not encouraging “civil disorder, social strife or disregard of the law.” The compromise that passed will “reorganize existing curriculum review groups in the district to involve more student, teacher and community voices,” according to the Denver Post. Read more on Colorado Nutjob: Why Don’t Textbooks Explain America Voluntarily Stopped Slaving?…
  And At That Time A Friend Shall Lose His Friend's Hammer

Pat Robertson Pretty Jazzed About How ISIS Terrorists Are Pulling End Times Prophecy Together

She looks like she's calculating how long it would take to reach the emergency exit
ISIS is a bunch of unstoppable murderous thugs trying to drag the Middle East into a New Medieval Order, and Pat Robertson couldn’t be more tickled by the prospect. You see, children, Brother Pat is excited by their goal of unifying Iraq, Syria, and chunks of Egypt into a radical Islamist caliphate, because he’s pretty sure that would fulfill a prophecy from Isaiah 19: Read more on Pat Robertson Pretty Jazzed About How ISIS Terrorists Are Pulling End Times Prophecy Together…
  Lincoln's Doctor's Dog Was A Commie Too

Abraham Lincoln, Total Communist

Save it for COMMUNISM, that is!
We just keep falling in love all over again with Colorado wingnut radio preacher Kevin Swanson. Anyone who thinks that the Pill leaves ladies’ innards littered with tiny dead fetuses and that Mark Twain was possessed by demons is OK in our book (it is a rather strange book). And now Swanson has blown the lid off the biggest scam ever: Abraham Lincoln was a Marxist socialist commie who was bent on turning America into a socialist hellhole, and it worked!!!! Read more on Abraham Lincoln, Total Communist…
  the south shall drive again

Congratulations Texans, Come Get Your Racist License Plates!

Guns Up, Hook ‘Em Horns, Gig ‘Em, Aggies, &c., the proud Americans of Texas now have the GOD-GIVEN RIGHT to put the flag of a racist, treasonous army from Virginia on their license plates! Please tell us about this victory for FREEDOM, Dallas Morning News. A Southern heritage group defeated Texas on Monday, celebrating a court decision expected to force Texas to issue license plates adorned with the Confederate battle flag. A federal appeals panel ruled 2-1 that the Department of Motor Vehicles had violated the Sons of Confederate Veterans’ free speech rights and engaged in “viewpoint discrimination” when it rejected its specialty plate in 2011. This is, without question, the greatest example of Texans fighting for personal liberty since those pro-slavery dudes got their asses kicked by Santa Anna, except this time the pro-slavery dudes won! This is, of course, about heritage not hate. We mean, just look at Texas’s stated reasons for joining the Confederacy in the first place: Read more on Congratulations Texans, Come Get Your Racist License Plates!…
  with liberty and word salad for all

Drinky-Drivey Supreme Court Candidate Will Bible You So Hard, Minnesota

Hey, remember Michelle MacDonald, the completely sober lady who’s running for Minnesota Supreme Court and insists that DUI charges against her are a political frame-up, even though she refused a breathalyzer test and was charged with resisting arrest, too? Turns out she is also a big fan of the true law of the land: The Holy Bible, though she hears tell that there are some other, lesser statutes out there, too, like the Constitution. Read more on Drinky-Drivey Supreme Court Candidate Will Bible You So Hard, Minnesota…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Reviews Our Long Bipartisan History Of Screwing Over Vets (Video

Now that his initial wave of ranty anger over the Veterans Administration clusterfuck has passed, Jon Stewart brings us a brief review of our great nation’s proud history of saying nice things about veterans, promising they deserve all the support a grateful nation can provide, and royally screwing them over because actually paying for that support is not a priority. He comes down especially hard on Republicans who’ve been criticizing the Obama administration for failing to clear up the mess at the V.A., saying they’ve “always stood up for our veterans… when they think it can help them slam the president. It’s slightly different when they think no one is watching.” Read more on Jon Stewart Reviews Our Long Bipartisan History Of Screwing Over Vets (Video…
  he's the wind

Matt Drudge Deletes Entire Twitter Oeuvre; World Asks, ‘Who?’

Pioneering aggravation aggregator Matt Drudge has gone and sent every single one of his Tweets down the memory hole, and nobody knows why. It’s kind of like that time when George Washington killed his sensei in a duel — there’s just no knowing the man’s mind, and it would be a mistake to try. Read more on Matt Drudge Deletes Entire Twitter Oeuvre; World Asks, ‘Who?’…
  homework will make you free

California School District Won’t Ask 8th-Graders To Question The Holocaust After All

Here’s a bit of a victory for reality in schools: the Rialto Unified School District has decided to make substantial changes to an assignment that would have asked eighth-graders to debate the reality of the Holocaust, as a supplement to the kids’ reading The Diary of Anne Frank. You know, we get what they were trying to do here, but… no. Just, No. It’s not that the school actually considered the Holocaust’s reality up for debate — the goal was to get kids thinking about what counts as evidence in history — but the actual assignment was sloppily written and left open the possibility that a student might well wander into a Holocaust denier website and decide, “Oh, cool, I never knew half this stuff.” Read more on California School District Won’t Ask 8th-Graders To Question The Holocaust After All…
  the wtf between the states

Jim DeMint Explains How Big Government Never Freed Any Slaves

Heritage Foundation head Heritager Jim DeMint took a crack at revisionist history last week on a Christian radio program, and delivered the somewhat surprising verdict that the federal government didn’t play a role in freeing the slaves. Instead, what did it was both the Constitution and the “conscience of the American people,” which will certainly make for some disappointing costumes at Civil War reenactments. Read more on Jim DeMint Explains How Big Government Never Freed Any Slaves…
  faster theocrat

Tom Delay Reminds America That God Wrote The Constitution And George Washington Rose From The Dead

Looks like now that ol’ Tom DeLay’s legal troubles are in the past, he’s busy polishing up his credentials for the next phase of his life on the Wingnut Welfare circuit. In addition to his glee at getting his gun rights restored, here’s another nice bullet point on his résumé: he had a nice little chat with Reverend Matthew Hagee about the True History of the United Jesus States of Godmerica, in which he explained that many of our country’s problems come from the moment when “we allowed our government to become a secular government.” We aren’t quite sure whether he means March 4, 1789, or maybe December 15, 1791. Probably the latter, because even though the Constitution became law in 1789, the First Amendment wasn’t ratified by the states until 1791. You could still make a pretty good case for the earlier date, though, since Article Six already had that line about “no religious test” ever being required for public office. So thanks for the history lesson, Mr. DeLay! Oh, but maybe that’s not what you meant? Well what did you mean? DeLay said that Americans have forgotten “that God created this nation [and] that He wrote the Constitution, that it’s based on biblical principles.” Oh, we see! You meant that you are actually a complete charlatan who is angling for a sinecure somewhere nice, like maybe the Family Research Council or the American Patriarchy Association or Wall Builders. Got it! What color is the sky on your planet? Read more on Tom Delay Reminds America That God Wrote The Constitution And George Washington Rose From The Dead…
  clipbait

Jimmy Kimmel Finds People Willing To Say Kind Things On The Occasion Of FDR’s ‘Death’ Yesterday

Jimmy Kimmel sent a crew to get reactions to the “news” that Franklin Delano Roosevelt died yesterday. Big surprise: plenty of people wanted to be on teevee despite having no idea what they were talking about. Discard the tape of anyone saying “forget you, FDR died in 1945,” and what’s left is comedy. (Also, note that Kimmel is very careful to set up the bit by reminding the viewing audience that FDR was born in 1882, and very definitely did not die yesterday.) Read more on Jimmy Kimmel Finds People Willing To Say Kind Things On The Occasion Of FDR’s ‘Death’ Yesterday…