history
Did your Wonkette visit this thing, at CPAC, called “Founder Roundtable: Where Did We Go Wrong?” featuring Thomas Jefferson, James Madison, Benjamin Franklin, Alexander Hamilton, “Tom” Paine, and Patrick Henry? UMM MAYBE. Look at them all there, behind their old-timey projector. When we left, the debate was still about whether the Constitution was one big [...]
The Wall Street Journal has unearthed a treasure trove of memorabilia from Newt Gingrich’s early career, including this terrifying Son of Sam-esque campaign flyer from one of his early runs for Congress. So it turns out Gingrich’s basic platform — “Stop complaining, you lazy ass” — has remained more or less unchanged for decades.
Settled in to roost in New Hampshire for the next week, Republican candidate Newt Gingrich was faced with some pretty zany questions Wednesday afternoon during a town hall meeting with his potential suitors. Talking health care, asteroid travel, and marijuana, faraway-galaxy-dwelling Gingrich was, as Observer reporter Paul Harris noted, “brought down to earth” by the [...]
At this point, we have started to really wonder if Michele Bachmann is just a demented lunatic who flunked 6th grade American History, or if she is actually living in some sort of alternate universe/time continuum. If it is the latter, then maybe everyone else is wrong for not yelling, “HAPPY BIRTHDAY, ELVIS!” and “DEATH [...]
Newt Gingrich is temporarily quitting his dubious money-making schemes today to run for president, which will give him attention and help him make more cash when he returns to his important work mailing people’s pets “dog of the year” awards that require owners to send Newt $5,000 for a plaque. He will announce this the [...]
Donald Rumsfeld’s long career of public service is over and now he, like any retired grandparent/war criminal, spends a lot of time on The Facebook. For example: “I met Tyra Banks last night in Hollywood. She probably wouldn’t have to twist my arm to be a guest judge on America’s Next Top Model.” Yeah, Donald [...]
Will this be the last President’s Day/George Washington/Sorta Lincoln holiday in America? Depends how the violent insurrections and crushing poverty and societal collapse go, over these next 12 months! So let’s remember our nation’s “First Dude” by compiling a listicle of 10 Sexy Tips To Drive George Washington Wild In Bed (“3: Somehow make him [...]
The American Family Association’s Chief Being Racist Correspondent Bryan Fischer has already warned us about Barack Obama giving America’s lands back to the Injuns. But did you know it never really belonged to them in the first place, because they didn’t have Christian “morals”? “Time eventually ran out for the Canaanites, because they filled up [...]
Last week, America’s back-alley ophthalmologist senator, Rand Paul, delivered his first speech on the Senate floor. It wasn’t about freedom. It wasn’t about disgusting eye diseases. It was about himself. Paul contrasted himself with famous historyman Henry Clay. According to Rand, he will not make compromises ever, because when Henry Clay did, SLAVERY kept happening [...]
Why does Michele Bachmann like the history of the founding fathers so much? Because, apparently, you can just make it up as you go along! Listen ye children as we do a “close read” of this speech and discover the many amazing improvised historical facts Michele Bachmann made up for us.
For Teabaggers, it seems, the older the law, the better. Everything we need is in the Constitution, because it was written at the beginning. Even though back then, people had no idea what America was going to look like or, really, what it should be. And even though the beloved founders failed miserably at their [...]
Illinois lawmakers on Wednesday approved legislation allowing civil unions in this state, and the governor has indicated he will sign it, making Illinois one of only a handful of states to grant to same-sex couples a broad array of legal rights and responsibilities similar to those of marriage. Well, there you go. The inevitable is [...]
Workers are excavating the World Trade Center site (Not done yet? What is this, union labor?), and on Tuesday, they found a giant 18th-century ship stuck in there. How? Well, back then terrorists were called “pirates.” (Evil liberal Hollywood has made empathize with pirates, but they were TERRORISTS OF THE SEAS.) And these pirates hated [...]
