Tuesday, August 26th, 2008
NOVAK IS BACK! After a busy summer of running over a bum and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Robert Novak quit his regular column gig. But now he’s back with an “occasional” thing saying Vinegar Joe Lieberman would doom the McCain ticket. Don’t listen, Walnuts! Pick Holy Joe! [Bob Novak]
NOVAK IS BACK! After a busy summer of running over a bum and being diagnosed with a brain tumor, Robert Novak quit his regular column gig. But now he’s back with an “occasional” thing saying Vinegar Joe Lieberman would doom the McCain ticket. Don’t listen, Walnuts! Pick Holy Joe! [Bob Novak]
In a mere twelve-ish hours or so, Wonkette’s one-time-only “name your favorite First Lady” contest will close. So check out the Official Rules 
According to people who think and look at books and “write papers” for a living, John McCain cannot possibly be elected President this November, on account of History. You see, History tells us all sorts of things about how the popularity of the incumbent party and the outgoing president influence people’s election choices. However, it ignores the most salient point: the voting proclivities of a bunch of old Jewish ladies in 
A secret cabal of historians has reached the same conclusion as millions of Earthlings: George W. Bush is the worst president ever, or perhaps second only to James Buchanan. In a shocking survey by George Mason University’s History News Network, 61% of bespectacled stack-dwellers acknowledged that their many years of research, reflection, and professional inquiry pointed to the terrible and incontrovertible fact of George Bush’s assiness. Stinging invective from Professional Historians who all but call him a paint-spackled trollop, after the jump. 
On this day in 1933, another smooth-talking Ivy League hopemonger won the White House during a terrible depression. He was also a minority in a way, in that he had no legs. Meet Franklin D. Roosevelt! You may have heard of him! 
Gennifer Flowers wishes to contribute to American political history in more than just orgasms. This is why she will auction recordings of orgasms she had over the phone with Bill Clinton in 1992. According to her publicist — because Gennifer Flowers has a publicist — the phone chats have “already received a great deal of interest in this project from collectors from all over the world.” Among the interested bidders are every Republican political consultant on earth and every Clinton loyalist in… well, wherever they hide. 
It is the Presidents Day Sale Day, of course, which is why you’re not at work reading Wonkette. But experts say the federal holiday is actually to remember one of the first American presidents, George Washington. Let’s remember the good times and the bad, like when his 300 African slaves tried to kill his wife. 
ALCOHOLIC PROGRAMMING NOTE: It’s 
Did you know that Mormonoligist Republican presidential candidate Willard “Mitt” Romney is secretly a Mexican? It’s true! We read it in the Salt Lake Tribune!