On this very boring news day, let us rejoice that we have the fake birthday of George Washington to celebrate. Ken has already wrung two (2) posts out of this blessed shopping holiday, and (SPOILER ALERT) you may have another one coming in a few hours! So let’s take this occasion to look at an Official Ranking of American Presidents, brought to you courtesy of some elite historians in the pocket of Big C-SPAN. MORE »

The same mincing gaggle of Presidential Historians who impotently declared George W. Bush the Worst President Ever — which did exactly nothing to prevent him from serving a full eight years in the White House — have now decided uppity president-elect Barack Obama is a wildy presumptuous fantasist because he has referenced the godlike mustache-free Illinois president who caused the Civil War, Abe “Lincoln Logs” Lincoln. MORE »

According to people who think and look at books and “write papers” for a living, John McCain cannot possibly be elected President this November, on account of History. You see, History tells us all sorts of things about how the popularity of the incumbent party and the outgoing president influence people’s election choices. However, it ignores the most salient point: the voting proclivities of a bunch of old Jewish ladies in Palm Beach County. There’s hope yet for John McCain, except probably definitely not! MORE »

A secret cabal of historians has reached the same conclusion as millions of Earthlings: George W. Bush is the worst president ever, or perhaps second only to James Buchanan. In a shocking survey by George Mason University’s History News Network, 61% of bespectacled stack-dwellers acknowledged that their many years of research, reflection, and professional inquiry pointed to the terrible and incontrovertible fact of George Bush’s assiness. Stinging invective from Professional Historians who all but call him a paint-spackled trollop, after the jump. MORE »