* Hello? My bad. [Washington Post]
* Maryland celebrates sixteenth century culture with twenty-first century cleavage. [Arjewtino]
* Rumsfeld returns, liberates L Street. [The DCeiver]
* Securing the border between Mexico and Maryland. [Washington Post]
* Finally, a blogging tutorial. [Below the Beltway]

Some little hipster clarinet player from NYU is claiming the Iraq invasion and occupation was all about securing oil supplies for America. Oh and what is that sticking out of Jazzbo Al’s tattered raincoat? A worn paperback of Ayn Rand’s “Atlas Shrugged,” which he actually first read when she was writing it, when he was screwing some gal in Rand’s “inner circle” and writing angry letters to the New York Times about how “parasites who persistently avoid either purpose or reason perish as they should.” That’s right, we’re talking about former Federal Reserve chairman Alan Greenspan! MORE »

Hey, Intern Greg broke a story! Back in April, Karl Rove spoke at American University and some hippies yelled at him and some of them even mooned him. This was one of the millions of goofy protests college students engage in across the country when they’re not too high to leave their dorm rooms, and it happened months ago, so everyone had forgotten about it. Except the Secret Service! MORE »

Back in the good old days, hippies used to thrive on physical conflict with the brave, short-haired men of our police and national guard. At protests against the Vietnam War, getting your pot-addled head busted open by a police baton was a badge of honor. That’s why you egged the lawmen on to violence by throwing feces at them! MORE »

Hillary Rodham is a steely-eyed robot candidate, sure, but she was once a narcissistic Wellesley student — exactly like every other obnoxious Wellesley student ever — writing terrible letters in a pseudo-Salingerian voice to a high school friend. And that friend let the New York Times copy those letters for us to cringe and laugh at! Young Hillary Rodham hated her roommates and her stupid dad and hippies and the bourgeois and the establishment and war and boys, and she loved herself, in that ostensibly self-critical way that liberal arts students tend to love themselves. MORE »

Here you go, America: These are your past and future presidents. While they are substantially richer and more powerful and, probably, smarter than you, nobody can accuse them of looking better than the average stupid hippie student in 1970 or whenever this was taken. MORE »

Is this gentleman a member of the Taliban, ready to fight and die against the American invaders in the name of radical Islam, or a jam band kid, ready to smoke a bowl and twirl for a while to a 70 minute String Cheese Incident guitar solo? That simple question is the impetus behind “jam band fan or taliban,” an exciting new entry in the “is it this thing or that thing that looks like this thing” field.

Jam Band Fan or Taliban?

When happens when you put Hillary Clinton before a room of rabid liberals and have her talk about Iraq? We think it might go, a little something, like this: MORE »

Democrat presidential candidate and 77-year-old ex-Senator Mike Gravel has a message for you establishment squares who don’t dig his crazy YouTube videos: “What people like you don’t understand — which I think is hilarious — is this is a metaphor.” MORE »

* Eh, fuck it. Just repost other people’s shit. [Republic of T]
* “Hermaphrodite midget porn” has never been so boring. [Sarah and the Goon Squad]
* “But they aired this video and slide show simultaneously and on repeat EVERY DAY. The video contained shots of actual water births…women in all of their birthing glory (naked, mind you). The slide show contained still shots from water births. All day for 3 days I saw this video continuously.” [OC Girl]
* Your ethanol means fewer body shots for everyone. Thanks, hippes. [Cockblog]

Good news, troop-supporters: terrorist sympathizer and easily-caricatured symbol of the hysterical peacenik left Cindy Sheehan is retiring as official mascot of Not Liking War. MORE »