Stupid Leftists Can’t Even Make Good Propaganda
Friday, April 25th, 2008
Once upon a time there was a war in a faraway magical place called Vietnam. This was before the Internet! (Well, the public internet at least. DoD geeks started building their internet in 1969. Manhunt was probably a lot hotter then!) And all the hippies made angry silkscreen posters against the war, and some of them were kind of awesome. You see, before the Internet, people had to print and distribute things as a means of communication. And there was a thing called “graphic design.” Smoke a bowl with Choire, after the jump.
San Franciscans have three favorite pastimes: sodomy, jamming up traffic with their bicycles, and protesting things with puppets. This third hobby was on full display yesterday as protesters lined the scenic Embarcardero waiting for the Olympic torch to go running by on its whirlwind tour of the globe. Throughout the world, Olympic officials have been consistently embarrassed by protesters dousing the torch, yelling about China and Tibet and human rights, and saying unkind things about America’s Banker. But by San Francisco, they’d gotten wise — and decided to fake out the protesters in the most farcical running of the Olympic torch ever! 
COMMUNIST HIPPIES TO NAME SEWER AFTER BUSH: Liberal San Francisco may vote on an unpatriotic initiative this November to rename its Oceanside Wastewater Treatment Facility the “George W. Bush Sewage Plant.” Because he is a slushy stream of poop and always cheating with his wars! [
Iraq War protester-hippies poured red paint on the sidewalk outside of an Army recruitment office today. When a recruiter — who, along with his colleagues, was counter-protesting — noticed the spill, he asked some hippies what impact pouring red paint on the sidewalk has on the war. One hippie responded along the lines of, “It’s the blood of foreign countries that you’ve spilled.” The recruiter responded with something about bringing peace to the Middle East. This really happened. They each went their own ways after a minute or so — the hippie back to his hippie mob which was chanting “fuck the war!”; the recruiter back to his Army friends who were responding with “win the war!” (although it might have been “bring the war!” which is, well, terrible). Between these two groups was a puddle of red paint on the sidewalk, claiming naive pedestrians one-by-one.
A few years back, everybody was all, “Let’s impeach Bush & Cheney & Rumsfeld and try them for war crimes and execute them by firing squad, on Pay Per View.” And then our nation sort of got over it — what administration doesn’t launch a bunch of illegal wars — because the Democrats won Congress and the economy collapsed and now Americans are basically just looking around nervously for food and shelter, maybe under that bridge.
Dennis Kucinich was this close to winning both the nomination and the presidency when Rupert Murdoch’s evil new Wall Street Journal brazenly brought up that whole UFO incident, which everybody had completely forgotten because it was only a widely reported and heavily mocked part of a 
This bumper sticker was recently spotted on Capitol Hill. It’s the latest development in the ongoing “Culture War” of the 1960s, which Americans knew very little about until 
Like so many bloggers before him, Colorado college newspaper editor David McSwane had run out of bad things to say about George W. Bush. Facing a deadline for his column, he broke down and published his four-word masterpiece that managed to boringly combine an already boring “Don’t Taze Me Bro” catchphrase with the boring-since-the-Florida-recount “Fuck Bush” catchphrase. But instead of being fired for this ancient sell-by-date sloganeering, young McSwane became a hero to millions of people who are probably already saying “Go Ron Paul!” 
Every so often our Minnesota Correspondent emails us at 3 a.m. or so to bitch at length about something terrible and offensive he read in the Minneapolis Star and Tribune. Last night it was nutty columnist Katherine Kersten. Kersten, in a piece from earlier this week, warns us that poor, beleaguered Minneapolis has become a dangerous and bloody 