This wretched thing again. Dana Milbank and Chris Cillizza of the Washington Post ran with a very clever theme for this week’s “Embodiment Of All That Is Wrong With Washington” Theater comedy segment: what wacky made-up beers would various public officials drink if they were invited to the Beer Summit?! Cillizza jokes about how scumsucking ex-Rep. Chip Pickering, who divorced his wife after cheating on her constantly, for years, would drink “Bitter Woman From Hell,” now that she’s suing him — crazy women! — while Milbank suggests Hillary Clinton would drink “Mad Bitch.” Hmm! We’re sure Washington Post editors will discipline Milbank appropriately. (They will give him a raise.) [TPM via Washington Monthly]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
There is a certain class of American who cares nothing about the tales of economic carnage that fill our newspapers day after day. I’m talking, of course, about editorial cartoonists, whose jobs are basically guaranteed, and whose pay makes possible a lifestyle that makes AIG vice presidents look like starving hobos eating dirt under a rusty, leaky bridge. Of course, these princes of the pen also have the best health insurance, with fresh kidneys and livers delivered twice weekly to keep their insides smelling fresh. Nevertheless, as part of their job, they must pay attention to the day-to-day problems suffered by you, the “little people,” and have noticed that maybe things are not quite so rosy further down the socioeconomic ladder! MORE »

Jesus christ: “Clinton’s $22 million in campaign debts (a good chunk of it owed to herself), has somehow now turned into some $3+ million in cash on hand and still growing, some in her old Senate fund and some in her defunct presidential campaign war chest.” MORE »

Could this possibly be true? Famous MSNBC reporter David Shuster, who once boldly suggested that Hillary Clinton was a pimp who shopped around her daughter for cash in exchange for sex, allegedly has a bald spot, and allegedly gets very upset when his bald spot appears on the television. Who is the “source close to production” who tattled to Page Six about this possible problem of David Shuster’s? Hillary Clinton, probably. [Page Six]

One of the great pleasures of last year’s campaign season was seeing the consulting firm of Mark Penn, history’s greatest monster, end up millions of dollars in the hole for all the great work they did on behalf of losing candidate Hillary Clinton. How was Penn going to afford his lavish subterranean cave and the constant supply of virgins bearing Ho-Hos without Clinton’s subsidies? MORE »

America’s top bone-shattering Moral Megaphone to the Foreigns, Hillary Clinton, after months of begging, has finally been granted Nobama’s permission to deliver her first major speech as Secretary of State! (18 million cracks, natch.) In her address this afternoon at the Council on Foreign Relations, the famous lady will declare America’s ardent support for capturing terrorists, not capturing non-terrorist muslins (like four people total), preserving human rights everywhere all the time, fixing some minor Israeli/Palestinian tiff, nonproliferation of rad nukes, saving economics, and the climate changes — you know, gay stuff. And yet there is still one comical bit about how America can still just bomb the fuck out of everybody when all else fails, leading Politico’s Mike Allen to label this a “muscular” speech in his definitive preview. MORE »

You know what the many Honduran BUSINESS leaders in cahoots with the universally condemned and unrecognized Honduran power-grabbers and U.S. apparel corporations want? A simple return to Law and Order, in Honduras, under this new thug government! So they have hired one of earth’s worst specimens, Washington lawyer/lobbyist/commentator/liar Lanny Davis, to “convince Congress that it should support rather than oppose the military removal of President Manuel Zelaya from office.” MORE »

Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP]

“And you just tell them, this is what I do to my friends.” [Official White House Photostream]

Oh noes, Secretary Clinton won’t be going on previously scheduled trips abroad this week, due to having her elbow amputated and replaced with a bionic joint that shoots laser beams and takes orders directly from the president, Dick Cheney. She needs to rest up and not shake hands with anybody, which means that attendees of international conferences in Trieste and Corfu will have to shake hands with two other jokers from the State Department instead. And THAT is how World War III will start tomorrow. [Washington Post]

Hey members of the public, did you pray for Hillary Clinton and her right elbow as they went into surgery today? Because thanks to you, her elbow is fine. Of course, if the woman had any decency she would have both of her elbows removed permanently. [First Read]