Wonkette

It’s Hillary’s Big Night, and everybody’s wondering what she’ll tell her aggrieved and anxious supporters who felt Disrespected by the Process. We are kind of hoping that Hillary will dispense with that in the first 20 seconds and then administer the indescribably cruel new tearing of assholes to John McCain that all the old Clintonites (Begala, Carville etc) have been baying for all week…but she will probably do something classy and valedictory instead. Let’s watch and see how this drama unfolds…. MORE »

Mmm, happy hour with the RNC and PUMAs. Sign us up. Obviously the RNC cares so much about Hillary voters that, um, they’re not letting any of them in: “Space is limited, and attendees must present both a valid DNCC and press organization credential to gain admittance.” So really… what’s going on here. [RNC]

People keep on wondering why Hillary Clinton can’t convince her 18 million ceiling-cracks to get with the program and support Barack Obama. Well, it appears that these angry, bitter old white people are so full of insane rage and hate for everything that they don’t even really care for Hillary Clinton — they just hate her a little less than Obama — so they aren’t going to be bossed around by that gal. MORE »

As we wait for the wicked nasty response ad about Rezko and Ayers that the McCain team is surely splicing together right now, let’s “read” some tea leaves: “CHICAGO - Barack Obama says he’s decided on a running mate, but he won’t say who. The Democratic presidential candidate told USA Today on Thursday that he went with someone who is independent and would challenge him in the White House. He also said he wanted someone who is prepared to be president and would help him strengthen the economy.” He’s so weird. Why would anyone want a vice president that would “challenge” him? Sounds like a pain in the rear. But that aside, this obviously changes everything we ever knew about the veepstakes and really everything else too. MORE »

For weeks John McCain has been saying, “Barack Obama is a pansy the end,” and Barack Obama has been saying, “That’s not very dignified of you,” and so now of course Barack Obama is losing the RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president, which will be fantastic and hilarious because they hate each other so much. MORE »

This is great news: “In an unusual move, Hillary Clinton’s staff is creating a 40-member ‘whip team’ at the Denver Democratic convention to ensure that her supporters don’t engage in embarrassing anti-Obama demonstrations during the floor vote on her nomination.” Whipping unruly Hilltards on the floor of the Democratic convention, well boy howdy. We want in. Imagine: some Bitter starts shouting about Nobama until you walk up, unfurl, then *WHOOSH* *CRACK* and it’s off to the races. Hillary & Barry cackle from afar, approvingly, as one. So where, pray tell, is the sign-up sheet? [Politico/The Crypt]

IT’S A MIRACLE: Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones is alive again, after having an aneurysm and then being pronounced dead by John Kerry. She is a superdelegate, for Hillary, and superdelegates live forever. UPDATE: She died at 6:04 p.m. in Cleveland, according to a family statement. [CNN]

You may remember Tony Rodham from the 1990s when he and his brother Hugh were constantly getting their sister Hillary Clinton in trouble by securing pardons for their buddies, befriending hostile foreign leaders, having affairs, doing drugs, and so forth and so on. They were not very classy folks, unlike their morally stalwart sister and her husband, the President. And now Tony is back, fucking everything up again, and hosting a get-together with John McCain’s female outreach coordinator, Carly Fiorina, in an area of Pennsylvania that voted heavily for Clinton in the primary. [Scranton Times-Tribune]

Guess who still needs your money, for her campaign debt? That’s right, it’s America’s First Lady Hillary Clinton, and the latest stunt comes in the form of an email from Bill, in which he mentions that Reverend Jackson also won South Carolina. Let’s all give Hillary more money and then maybe we’ll win a trip to Denver to see her, in person, and then Bill will come over and ruin it somehow, possibly by having sex with you. MORE »

Oh look a gay person named Jonathan Crutchley, founder of some gay thing called Manhunt.net, has, er, maxed out a $2,300 donation to John McCain against Barack Obama. People have been sending us this tip like crazy, but whatever? Everyone knows that all gay people not named “Andrew Sullivan” hate Barack Obama for stealing the election from Queen Hillary. [Towleroad]

HILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: “Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate in the formal nominating process at the Democratic National Convention, according to advisers to both Democrats.” [Marc Ambinder/The Caucus]

SOUTHERN GOTHIC: “Rielle Hunter childhood horse assassination hands election to Obama.” [Gawker]

PUMAPac FOUNDER HARRASSED BY DEAD BUNNIES: Darragh Murphy, one of Hillary Clinton’s most passionate advocates and the founder of a political action committee devoted to getting her elected or something, “said Obama supporters have harassed her and her followers by banging on their windows with pots and pans in the middle of the night, making phone threats and leaving dead rabbits on their doorsteps.” Yoiks. [New York Observer]

A day after the Atlantic released tons of confidential memos and e-mails that, yet again, proved Hillary Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn kills puppies for bloodsport, the Politico has comically published an op-ed from this very same Mark Penn, entitled, “Negative ads: They really do work.” Christ, Mark, we get it; Wolfson and Grunwald and Ickes were silly sallies who kept spoiling your hellish strategy for charred victory. But that doesn’t mean you have to write some creepy op-ed in the damn Politico every three hours! Seriously, creepy — in this op-ed, Penn reveals how he and Bill Clinton used to stalk people at the mall in 1996. MORE »