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Posts Tagged ‘hillary clinton’

Liveblogging Hillary Clinton’s Big Convention Speech

Tuesday, August 26th, 2008

Farewell, the people's princessIt’s Hillary’s Big Night, and everybody’s wondering what she’ll tell her aggrieved and anxious supporters who felt Disrespected by the Process. We are kind of hoping that Hillary will dispense with that in the first 20 seconds and then administer the indescribably cruel new tearing of assholes to John McCain that all the old Clintonites (Begala, Carville etc) have been baying for all week…but she will probably do something classy and valedictory instead. Let’s watch and see how this drama unfolds…. MORE »


RNC Celebrates Hillary, With No One

Monday, August 25th, 2008

Mmm, happy hour with the RNC and PUMAs. Sign us up. Obviously the RNC cares so much about Hillary voters that, um, they’re not letting any of them in: “Space is limited, and attendees must present both a valid DNCC and press organization credential to gain admittance.” So really… what’s going on here. [RNC]


Surly Clinton Voters Don’t Even Like Hillary Clinton That Much

Friday, August 22nd, 2008

Her staunchest supporters give a collective 'meh'People keep on wondering why Hillary Clinton can’t convince her 18 million ceiling-cracks to get with the program and support Barack Obama. Well, it appears that these angry, bitter old white people are so full of insane rage and hate for everything that they don’t even really care for Hillary Clinton — they just hate her a little less than Obama — so they aren’t going to be bossed around by that gal. MORE »


Obama Appears To Have Selected Some Mysterious Centrist

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

IT'S JACK KEMPAs we wait for the wicked nasty response ad about Rezko and Ayers that the McCain team is surely splicing together right now, let’s “read” some tea leaves: “CHICAGO - Barack Obama says he’s decided on a running mate, but he won’t say who. The Democratic presidential candidate told USA Today on Thursday that he went with someone who is independent and would challenge him in the White House. He also said he wanted someone who is prepared to be president and would help him strengthen the economy.” He’s so weird. Why would anyone want a vice president that would “challenge” him? Sounds like a pain in the rear. But that aside, this obviously changes everything we ever knew about the veepstakes and really everything else too. MORE »


Hillary For Veep!

Thursday, August 21st, 2008

Now that's a hot ticketFor weeks John McCain has been saying, “Barack Obama is a pansy the end,” and Barack Obama has been saying, “That’s not very dignified of you,” and so now of course Barack Obama is losing the RACE FOR THE WHITE HOUSE. How can he turn it around and win this thing? By making Hillary Clinton his vice president, which will be fantastic and hilarious because they hate each other so much. MORE »


Hillary Clinton To Whip Her Own Supporters

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

Lego Indiana Jones loves whippin' him some HilltardsThis is great news: “In an unusual move, Hillary Clinton’s staff is creating a 40-member ‘whip team’ at the Denver Democratic convention to ensure that her supporters don’t engage in embarrassing anti-Obama demonstrations during the floor vote on her nomination.” Whipping unruly Hilltards on the floor of the Democratic convention, well boy howdy. We want in. Imagine: some Bitter starts shouting about Nobama until you walk up, unfurl, then *WHOOSH* *CRACK* and it’s off to the races. Hillary & Barry cackle from afar, approvingly, as one. So where, pray tell, is the sign-up sheet? [Politico/The Crypt]


Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

Thank you, God!IT’S A MIRACLE: Ohio Congresswoman Stephanie Tubbs Jones is alive again, after having an aneurysm and then being pronounced dead by John Kerry. She is a superdelegate, for Hillary, and superdelegates live forever. UPDATE: She died at 6:04 p.m. in Cleveland, according to a family statement. [CNN]


Tony Rodham Still Ruining Everything

Wednesday, August 20th, 2008

You may remember Tony Rodham from the 1990s when he and his brother Hugh were constantly getting their sister Hillary Clinton in trouble by securing pardons for their buddies, befriending hostile foreign leaders, having affairs, doing drugs, and so forth and so on. They were not very classy folks, unlike their morally stalwart sister and her husband, the President. And now Tony is back, fucking everything up again, and hosting a get-together with John McCain’s female outreach coordinator, Carly Fiorina, in an area of Pennsylvania that voted heavily for Clinton in the primary. [Scranton Times-Tribune]


Win A Bummer Trip To Denver With Hillary!

Monday, August 18th, 2008

Or else ...Guess who still needs your money, for her campaign debt? That’s right, it’s America’s First Lady Hillary Clinton, and the latest stunt comes in the form of an email from Bill, in which he mentions that Reverend Jackson also won South Carolina. Let’s all give Hillary more money and then maybe we’ll win a trip to Denver to see her, in person, and then Bill will come over and ruin it somehow, possibly by having sex with you. MORE »


‘Manhunt’ Owner Prefers McCain, Ha Ha?

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

A gay person named Bob.Oh look a gay person named Jonathan Crutchley, founder of some gay thing called Manhunt.net, has, er, maxed out a $2,300 donation to John McCain against Barack Obama. People have been sending us this tip like crazy, but whatever? Everyone knows that all gay people not named “Andrew Sullivan” hate Barack Obama for stealing the election from Queen Hillary. [Towleroad]


Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Maureen Dowd is shitting her pantsHILLARY CLINTON WILL BE FORMALLY NOMINATED AT DEMOCRATIC CONVENTION: “Reports of strife between negotiators for Sen. Hillary Clinton and Sen. Barack Obama are exaggerated and the two sides are nearing an agreement on how Clinton’s delegates will participate in the formal nominating process at the Democratic National Convention, according to advisers to both Democrats.” [Marc Ambinder/The Caucus]


Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

SOUTHERN GOTHIC: “Rielle Hunter childhood horse assassination hands election to Obama.” [Gawker]


Wednesday, August 13th, 2008

Typical Obama supporterPUMAPac FOUNDER HARRASSED BY DEAD BUNNIES: Darragh Murphy, one of Hillary Clinton’s most passionate advocates and the founder of a political action committee devoted to getting her elected or something, “said Obama supporters have harassed her and her followers by banging on their windows with pots and pans in the middle of the night, making phone threats and leaving dead rabbits on their doorsteps.” Yoiks. [New York Observer]


Mark Penn Column: Satan Is A Cool Guy, Once You Get To Know Him

Tuesday, August 12th, 2008

A day after the Atlantic released tons of confidential memos and e-mails that, yet again, proved Hillary Clinton’s former chief strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn kills puppies for bloodsport, the Politico has comically published an op-ed from this very same Mark Penn, entitled, “Negative ads: They really do work.” Christ, Mark, we get it; Wolfson and Grunwald and Ickes were silly sallies who kept spoiling your hellish strategy for charred victory. But that doesn’t mean you have to write some creepy op-ed in the damn Politico every three hours! Seriously, creepy — in this op-ed, Penn reveals how he and Bill Clinton used to stalk people at the mall in 1996. MORE »