Tag Archives: hillary clinton

  UGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended

Ah, the good old days
There is this guy, Gavin McInnes, and he is terrible, so of course he is on Fox News, like, all the time. And on Thursday, he went on Sean Hannity’s teevee show to make Sean giggle so hard about how miserable women are because feminism won’t let them stay home and be glorified like in the good old days. What, you think we’re joking? We are not. Read more on Gavin McInnes: Stop Being Miserable, Ladies, And Be Housewives As God Intended…
  Bang bang liberty you're dead

NRA: President Hillary Clinton Is Already Murdering Freedom

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
The corpse that was America’s liberty until President Obama killed it is not even cold yet, but the National Rifle Association is already warning us of the extra-death of liberty that lies ahead, since Hillary Clinton “has formally declared her intention to assume the office of president of the United States.” (We assume she intends to do this by winning the presidential election, like she said, but maybe she’s just going to assume the office without the farce of democracy, so she can get right to extra-deathing our liberty. That’s probably the plan.) Read more on NRA: President Hillary Clinton Is Already Murdering Freedom…
  well why does he?

Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?

Jeb! doesn't like questions
Sorry to interrupt your day with yet another reminder, but reminder: Jeb Bush is not going to be president. Monday: MEGYN KELLY: Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion [of Iraq]? Read more on Why Does Jeb Bush Hate The Troops?…
  unlikely defenders

Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!

Sexism expert.
Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com If you’ve been obsessed like we have with the utterly riveting debate over the Trans-Pacific Partnership, you are aware that there is a bit of a meta-flap about how commie gay Kenyan usurper Barack Obama can add “lady-hater” to his list of adjectives, because he called your favorite Sen. Elizabeth Warren by her first name in an interview. The exact quote: “The truth of the matter is that Elizabeth is, you know, a politician like everybody else.” You might be saying, “But Elizabeth is her name and they are grown-ups, and the president calls girls and boys by their first names, WHAT?” But that didn’t stop Ohio Democrat Sen. Sherrod Brown from saying Obama is a big old sexist, because he never would have said “Sherrod, you are A Idiot,” he would have said “Mighty penis-having Senator Brown, you are A Idiot.” (Even though yes he would — and has.) Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Leave That Sexist Barack Obama Alooooooone!…
  America is cancelled

Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack

Definitely not an NWA fan.
Bill O’Reilly is very upset. A new Pew poll has shown that the super-majority of Americans who identify as Christian is not quite as super as it used to be. Just eight years ago, 78.4 percent of the population was Christian, and now that number is only 70.6 percent, sadface. So who is to blame? Is it the Jooz and the Muslims? MAYBE! Their numbers have grown by a whopping 0.2 percent and 0.5 percent, respectively. They are attacking Americans with their matzoh balls and their Sharia law! But no, the real culprit is the “unaffiliated” lot, who are now a full 22.8 percent of the population. Bill O’Reilly knows what it causing this, and it is rap music: Read more on Bill O’Reilly Very Sad Americans Are Divorcing Jesus, Jiving On The Rap Music, And Smoking Crack…
  never gonna be as smart as his brother

Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq

Take your time, buddy
Jeb Bush sat down for a Fox News interview with Megyn Kelly that aired Monday, to talk about how much he wants to do presidenting, because his big brother (George W. Bush) got to do it and his dad got to do it, and he wants to be just like them. Kelly asked a completely straightforward very misleading question about the Iraq War his bro instigated: “Knowing what we know now, would you have authorized the invasion?” Either the baby Bush didn’t hear FULLY HALF OF THE VERY SIMPLE QUESTION, or he is a real big stupidhead, because this was his answer: Read more on Jeb Bush Answer To ‘Would You Have Invaded Iraq?’ Almost As Big A Clusterf*ck As Invasion Of Iraq…
  you break it you buy it

Bill Clinton Sorry He Put Everyone In Jail

Still not as bad as starting a phony war, but yeah, sorry about that
President Bill Clinton would like you to know he feels kind of bad now about some of the unintended consequences of the 1994 Crime Bill he signed, like the “three strikes” provision and some other stuff that led to prison overcrowding. Honestly, nobody could have seen it coming, except maybe all the progressives at the time who predicted the law would fill up the prisons with nonviolent drug offenders, and nobody cared much because who wants to be called soft on crime? Read more on Bill Clinton Sorry He Put Everyone In Jail…
  Won't someone think of the scandals?

Idiot Texas Rep Calls For Department Of Clinton Investigatin’, To Investigate The Clintons

Look at 'em schemin'
Whew! We were concerned there for a moment that Congress wasn’t going to bother looking into the the latest SCANDALOUS SCANDAL about Billary Clinton, since the media (except for the New York Times, the Washington Post, Fox, every single news network, and your grandma’s blogspot) have ignored it, but Texas Republican Rep. Ted Poe assures us that, nope, Congress is ON that mofo for sure. Read more on Idiot Texas Rep Calls For Department Of Clinton Investigatin’, To Investigate The Clintons…
  There Goes Hillary Murderin' Folks Again

‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
Peter Schweizer, whose book-shaped object Clinton Cash has apparently set some kind of record for Most Debunkings Before Actual Publication, is doing his darndest to keep hyping the thing, which finally slouches into bookstores today. On Monday’s edition of Dana Loesch’s stupid radio show, Loesch asked Schweizer if he’s worried that he’ll be murdered, just like everyone else who’s dared to oppose the Clintons (with the exception of the entire Republican House and Senate membership during Bill Clinton’s two terms, of course). Read more on ‘Clinton Cash’ Author Worries Clinton Mafia Will Murder Him, Like How They Always Do…
  Fuckabee if you're nasty

Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!

Gonna teach America some manners again!
Former Arkansas governor and current traditional values hall monitor Mike Huckabee announced his candidacy for the Republican nomination for president today in Hope, Arkansas, because he is from there, just like Bill Clinton! The theme of the day was “going from Hope to Higher Ground,” because using “hope” as a theme has never been done before, by a presidential candidate from Hope, Arkansas. There was nice uplifting music, like that Tony Orlando stuff Huckabee loves, and quite unlike that whore Beyoncé music the Obamas love, which Mike Huckabee knows is from the devil. Unfortunately, Ted Nugent was not there to help Huckabee sing about bitches’ pussies, BY WHICH WE MEAN KITTY CATS. Read more on Mike Huckabee Will Be President Of Making All The Ladies Stop Saying Gay Cusses!…
  Here have some news n stuff

Fired Baltimore City Employee Just Liked To Watch Porn All Day At Work, Is That Wrong?

Do it on your own time
Who among us doesn’t occasionally spend a bit of our “work” day on non-work things? Baltimore City officials estimate the 39 hours an employee spent watching pornography on the job during a two-week period equated to about $1,166 in salary. They fired him in January after monitoring and documenting the employee’s porn viewing. […] Read more on Fired Baltimore City Employee Just Liked To Watch Porn All Day At Work, Is That Wrong?…
  Mitt 2016!

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with “Fox & Friends” non-blond host Brian Kilmeade, to talk about his big charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield later this month, and to sneak in a “serious conversation about what’s happening in the country, and what’s happening in politics”: the alleged murder-by-cop of Freddie Gray in Baltimore; how much Hillary Clinton sucks; the Republican Party’s need for a fresh face like, say, Jeb Bush; and how beloved he and Ann are (no, he is not joking). Read more on Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)…
  It happens to all guys seriously

Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement

Ben Carson is only doing this because people are BEGGING him to.
Dr. Ben Carson, who is very good at being a neurosurgeon but doesn’t seem to have other strengths, officially announces his candidacy to lose to Hillary Clinton in Detroit today, but whoops, guess he couldn’t keep the “secret” any longer, because he “leaked” the news to WHAM ABC 13 in Rochester on Sunday. In the interview, Carson sleepily says that he is “willing to be part of [that] equation,” presumably the equation required to save America from all the economic growth and healthcare wrought by evil Obama’s reign of terror. Therefore he will run for president! Hurray, is 2016 over yet? Read more on Ben Carson Prematurely Ejaculates Presidential Announcement…
  She'll place all her pantsuits in a blind trust

Epic Fail Carly Fiorina Officially Announces She’s Just Like Hillary Clinton Only Better

Some assembly required.
With not a single demon sheep in sight, Carly Fiorina officially announced that she is also tossing her name in the hat for the great Hillary Clinton Ass-Kicking Raffle of 2016. Unlike all the other presidential candidates except for one (some lady, can’t remember who right now), Fiorina made her announcement on her website, with a video we’re assuming is titled “Me too! Me too!” We’d show you the video, but cutting edge leader in technology Carly Fiorina hasn’t made the video embeddable, so you’ll have to go watch it yourself, sorry. But here’s the opening shot, and yes, we do wish Dr. Sigmund Freud himself were here to analyze the hell out of it: Read more on Epic Fail Carly Fiorina Officially Announces She’s Just Like Hillary Clinton Only Better…
  Here have some news n stuff

John Boehner Wants To Know Why Hillary Clinton Isn’t Helping Congress Get Stuff Done

Speaker of the House John Boehner appeared on “Meet the Press” Sunday and said a whole bunch of dumb stuff. On the death of Freddie Gray and the charges brought against six Baltimore police officers: “Public servants should not violate the law.” That’s deep. Maybe Congress ought to make a law about that. Also, the solution to impoverished cities like Baltimore? Lower taxes. Of course! As for the any-day-now national marriage equality? Yeah, he still “believes in traditional marriage,” but it’s not like he’s a bigoted asshole, blah blah blah, same ol’ thang, not gonna matter soon anyway. Shockingly, he still thinks Obamacare is THE WORST, and he says a whole bunch of dumb words about that. Then there’s the trade deal President Obama is trying to make happen, even though Democrats are really not into it. You know whose fault it is that Congress hasn’t acted on that yet? Not the dude in charge of the House; don’t be ridiculous. Nah, man, it’s Hillary Clinton’s fault: Read more on John Boehner Wants To Know Why Hillary Clinton Isn’t Helping Congress Get Stuff Done…
  Clintongate

National Review: But What About The Clintons’ Underage Sex Slaves And Russian Blackmail?

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
Conservatives have yet to uncover The Scandal that will, once and for all and forever, destroy history’s greatest monsters, Bill and Hillary Clinton. Not for lack of trying — for decades, with a bazillionteen dollars, and an army of rightwing organizations dedicated to inspecting every scrap of toilet paper that ever wiped a Clinton’s butthole. And not without the aid of the media, even the “liberal” media like the New York Times, always happy to imply that if the Clintons drew a breath, it was perhaps illegal, immoral, unethical, or too horrifically X-rated to explain to the children. Read more on National Review: But What About The Clintons’ Underage Sex Slaves And Russian Blackmail?…
  sure why not

Bernie Sanders Will Be President Of Forcing Hillary To Act Like An Actual Liberal

Listen up, MORANS!
Bernie Sanders, independent Soviet Socialist senator from Vermont, who has been Elizabeth Warren-ing since the actual Elizabeth Warren was lecturing Wall Street bankers IN HER DIAPERS, will announce his candidacy for the presidency, as a Democrat, on Thursday. Sanders appears to be running on a platform of “seriously, okay, Hillary, you’re going to be president and that’s fine, but could we possibly turn this god-dang ship to the left?” And that is a good thing! Read more on Bernie Sanders Will Be President Of Forcing Hillary To Act Like An Actual Liberal…
  Maybe THIS will work

Now Rand Paul Wants Congress To Find Dirt On Hillary Clinton For Him

On to Plan B. Or C. Or D. Or ...
This is just getting sad. After promising A Big Reveal in the coming weeks about how the Clinton Foundation did Something Bad, only to beg the internet to try to find some Something Bad stuff and fax it to him please, now Rand Paul wants Congress to do his opposition research for him: Read more on Now Rand Paul Wants Congress To Find Dirt On Hillary Clinton For Him…
  Such fair many balance

Dog The Bounty Hunter Not Crazy Enough For Fox News, Sadface!

It’s not really 2016 yet, but so far, things are not looking good for the GOP. They’ve already lost this proud teabagger because he loves his Obamacare a whole lot and doesn’t want Republicans to take it away from him, and now they’ve lost Duane Chapman, better known as Dog the Bounty Hunter. Read more on Dog The Bounty Hunter Not Crazy Enough For Fox News, Sadface!…
  yes but does he eat arugula?

New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President

The New York Times is such a lovable whackjob sometimes. They apparently are having all kinds of fun doing profiles of the GOP presidential candidates! Wednesday, we learned that smug prick Ted Cruz was also a smug prick when he was in college, and that he gets all defensive when you make jokes about him. Today, it is Jeb Bush’s turn. What jewels of knowledge does the Times have for us, about Jeb? Oh, just that he really wants to be president, but he can’t because he’s not a big fatso anymore, which means he won’t be able to relate to Trans Fat-Americans. You see, Jeb Bush has lost weight, because he has gone on the trendy Paleo diet, and also he does crunches or something: Read more on New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President…
  Hmmmm is something ELSE happening in 2016?

GOP Will Release Benghazi Report In 2016 To Help Hillary Clinton, Obviously

Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Benghazi!!111!) went on the Fox News Greta Van Susteren program and dropped a surprising bombshell about the House’s top secret investigation into Benghazi:  The report probably won’t be released until 2016, right smack in the middle of the election. Huh! Gowdy says it’s silly to suggest the GOP-controlled committee is doing this to try to hurt Hillary Clinton, because “[t]hat assumes the report would be critical of [Clinton] and I don’t make that assumption because we’re still in the process of gathering facts.” See? It’s just normal stuff, Republicans investigating Benghazi for the 80 gazillionth time, and they don’t even know what they’re going to find! Probably the same big nothing all the other investigations found, but pay that no mind. Gowdy continued: Read more on GOP Will Release Benghazi Report In 2016 To Help Hillary Clinton, Obviously…
  She's also ready to be Madam President

Carly Fiorina Will Win White House With Her Record Of Success. Also, Her Vagina

She's a 'winner'
If you are an American who would love to see a woman in the White House, even though you do not care about gender because you just want the best man for the job even if he’s a lady, good news! You do not have to vote for Hillary Clinton after all because Republican Woman Carly Fiorina (R-Woman) is officially ready to be The Other Woman, for Republicans: Read more on Carly Fiorina Will Win White House With Her Record Of Success. Also, Her Vagina…