Tag Archives: hillary clinton

  We Completely Left Out Odin Again

2014: The Year In God-Bothering

If it's one thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.
God had another big year in 2014, especially right near the end, when His Servant on Earth, Bill O’Reilly, finally declared victory in the War on Christmas. So we can look forward to a 2015 that’s free of that particular topic, we bet. Even so, it would appear that there are still a few areas of American life where religion has caused a wee bit of a ruckus. Like, let’s say, the courts, where the Supremes declared that the Hobby Lobby corporation’s sincerely held religious beliefs can exempt them from following laws they don’t like. Not that there’s going to be any weird fallout from that decision, like people suing for the right to ignore child labor laws because God says it’s OK. Read more on 2014: The Year In God-Bothering…
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
There’s this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn’t know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We’re sorry. But aside from all Sarah Palin’s usual hijinks, most of which involved either racism or grift (because like we said, “usual”), there was one glorious moment in 2014 in which all the Palin clan’s true class became as crystal clear as the finest Coors Lite. And it lasted like a month. Read more on 2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True…
  A nation of suckers

Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst

They still love us. Suckers!
Jeez, America, how dumb can you be? You know President Obama is the worst president who ever presidented because the completely not-biased opposing political party keeps telling us so. And yet, because you are SO dumb, America, you insist on liking the guy anyway because you are so dumb like we said: Read more on Stupid Americans Still Admire Obama And Clinton The Most, Even Though They Are The Worst…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  You Didn't Bill-O That

Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.com Bill O’Reilly was in fine form Tuesday night, addressing the horrors that might result if Elizabeth Warren somehow became President of the United States. You see, if the mildly progressive centrist Barack Obama is a flaming socialist, which he is, then Elizabeth Warren is obviously some kind of super-extra-socialist, so much farther to the left than Karl Marx himself that she may actually exist only in the infra-red portion of the spectrum. O’Reilly laid out the problem with Warren for the Real American People, or as he explained, the threat of Read more on Bill O’Reilly: Elizabeth Warren Will Seize The Means Of Production And Execute The Kulaks…
  we are all libertarians now

Hillary Clinton Super PAC Makes Early Bid For Worst Campaign Song Of 2016

Oh for sure man
Here is your terrible, face-melting Hillary Clinton Super PAC ad/generic CMT music video. And here is a list of actual theories about its provenance that we have been tossing around in the chat cave because the Washington Post’s story on it is too boring. Read more on Hillary Clinton Super PAC Makes Early Bid For Worst Campaign Song Of 2016…
  Whatever Happened To Sara Beninghazi?

Rand Paul So Mad House Intelligence Committee Let Hillary Clinton Write Benghazi Report

Mind: Blown
Hey, remember how the House Intelligence Committee rather sheepishly released its Great Big Benghazi Report after 5 on the Friday before Thanksgiving, so that nobody would pay too much attention to its investigation’s total failure to find any evidence of conspiracy, cover-up, stand-down orders, or any of the most popular rightwing myths about Benghazi? Remember that? It was a whole week and a few days ago, and it seemed to us, for a few hours, like maybe the right would just cherry-pick one or two things out of the report and then completely ignore it. Read more on Rand Paul So Mad House Intelligence Committee Let Hillary Clinton Write Benghazi Report…
  Weekend clipbait

SNL: Obama And McConnell Get Wasted At Bourbon Summit (Video)

If only ...
It’s the summit you know will (probably) never really happen, but it sure is fun to imagine President Obama and newly selected Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell knockin’ back a few and even finding common ground. Like having themselves a good chuckle prank calling Hillary Clinton to tell her, “This is Publishers Clearing House. I want you to know you’ve won an all-expense paid trip to … getting’ whooped in 2016!” Read more on SNL: Obama And McConnell Get Wasted At Bourbon Summit (Video)…
  Get The Huck Out Of Here

Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee’s Saturday night show on Fox News, “Huckabee,” could soon be killed by its host’s political ambitions, putting the cable commentary landscape in danger of losing a significant source of down-home everymanliness. Following a new profile in the Washington Post about Huckabee’s non-campaign campaign, CNN’s Brian Stelter reports that Fox’s VP of programming would like to speak to the former governor regarding his future at the network at his earliest convenience. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares Himself God’s Unqualified Instrument…
  If It's Sunday It's A Good Thing There's A 2:00 Replay

Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary

We have to admit, Wonketteers, that we did not stick to our Chuck Todd diet. We really did intend to get up every Sunday for Meet the Press to see Chuck’s tough questioning of the Biggest Names in News and stay in shape with his touchscreen map upper-body workouts, but it wasn’t until his first show after the Democrats were sent to live on the farm upstate that he enticed us to come back by landing an EXCLUSIVE interview with Scott Walker, King of Wisconsin. Read more on Scott Walker: Only ‘Fresh, Organic’ GOP Governors Can Beat Moldy Old Hillary…
  Here have some news n stuff

Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President

Basically the winner already
In case you didn’t get the memo, it is already 2016. It is soooooo already 2016. In fact, Facebook is already projecting the winner of the next presidential election, so everyone else who’s just getting started on teasing about hinting about exploring the idea of thinking about announcing a run for the White House can just pack up and go home because it’s already over. According to ABC News, this BREAKING! EXCLUSIVE!!! information shows that — hang on to your hats, folks, this is big — Hillary Clinton has more likes and interactions on Facebook than any of those Republican also-rans, so we can pretty much call it a day and start practicing saying Madam President.Guess it’s pretty convenient we didn’t even have to bother voting, huh? Read more on Not Ready For Hillary? Too Bad, Facebook Already Made Her President…
 

All-Knowing, Omnipotent Chuck Todd Says God Or Obama Is Dead (Same Difference)

Chuck Todd loves nothing more to magisterially pronounce the end of things (and then sheepishly apologize). A few weeks ago, he determined, in his usual godlike way, that Alison Lundergan Grimes had “disqualified” herself for the U.S. Senate by refusing to answer a question about who she’d voted for. (Considering she was an Obama delegate, it was probably Obama, but WHO CAN EVER KNOW???) Read more on All-Knowing, Omnipotent Chuck Todd Says God Or Obama Is Dead (Same Difference)…
  It’s only nepotism when Democrats do it

Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own

Who you callin' stupid?
Mouth-breathing uber-moron Bill Kristol came from nothing, absolutely nothing, to pull himself up by his own diapers and build his illustrious career as one of the most prominent Being Wrong About Everything Ever Always columnists in history. Which is why he feels completely vindicated in mocking those dumb Democrats who are always using their family connections to advance their careers, which is something no conservative, and certainly not Kristol, has ever done. Read more on Spawn Of Irving Kristol Sick Of Democrats Who Pretend To Make It On Their Own…
 

Andrea Mitchell Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things

Whatev, Andrea
Have you heard the story about the president who got a blowjob from a lady who wasn’t his wife? Sure you did. Because that blowjob would be old enough to drive a car by now, and lots of hack “journalists” cut their teeth typing out the scintillating details of semen stains and cigars. Which is why they are the one subspecies on this planet, and probably any other in the universe, that can never forget. The world marches on, a president leaves office, another one steals his seat, then another takes his place — but the Very Serious Journalists will never let go of The Blowjob. Read more on Andrea Mitchell Is Why We Can’t Have Nice Things…
  Now From Our Boise Bureau

Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes

Looks like the pogayto will be getting a lot of work now
Our pals at Public Policy Polling (we like to say they’re our pals, but they don’t know us from Adam’s off ox) have graced us with a poll on the Idaho midterm elections, and you will be astonished to learn that Idahoans are probably going to elect a bunch of Republicans again. Read more on Idahoans Like Butch Otter, Hate Hillary Clinton, Go Both Ways On Potatoes…
  Did Romney Ever Get This Reaction?

Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out

This is 10-year-old Macy Friday, who was in the crowd at Denver’s Union station Monday when Hillary Clinton came to Colorado to campaign for Sen. Mark Udall. Hillz saw Macy in the crowd, waved her over for pictures, and Macy instantly earned her place as an icon of Kid Enthusiasm, which frankly is the very best kind there is. That right there is a genuine “I got a puppy, no, TWO puppies!” face. Read more on Nice Time: Little Girl Meets Hillary Clinton, Joyously Freaks Out…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Reminds Us Of That Time Nancy Reagan’s Astrologer Ran The White House (Video)

We don't even WANT context for this
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show started off with one of those meandering historical backgrounders, and as sometimes happens, that intro is in some ways even more interesting than the main story. It’s all about another tell-all by a former cabinet member, Donald Regan’s 1988 book in which the bitter former Reagan chief of staff revealed that just about every major decision in the Reagan White House was affected by Nancy Reagan’s consultations with an astrologer. It’s a glorious trip down WTF lane that leaves you astonished at just how much the Cult of Reagan was willing to overlook. These weren’t just sketchy rumors from some third-rate tabloid about the president maybe being a Muslim (because he pronounces “Pakistan” with un-American syllables), but actual reliance on occult hoodoo nonsense that teevee evangelists regularly decry as flirting with demons and witchcraft. But Reagan was Reagan, so sure, Nancy’s astrologer got to decide the daily schedule for the Leader of the Free World. Read more on Rachel Maddow Reminds Us Of That Time Nancy Reagan’s Astrologer Ran The White House (Video)…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing

Ebony And Irony
Oh, golly, it’s time for another Derp Roundup, a chance for us to bring you some of the stories that were just too damned stupid to ignore altogether, but which didn’t quite merit a post of their own. You may want a good stiff serving of the reality-amending chemical compounds of your choice before you expose yourself to this stuff. Read more on Derp Roundup: Yes, Stevie Wonder Truthers Are A Thing…
  whoa if true

Wingnuts Find Hillary Clinton’s Love Letters To Saul Alinsky, Lenin, David Cassidy

It's a great day for commies and mommies!
While you were all enjoying your Sabbath day of rest, the Washington Free Beacon — the digital equivalent of Sunday paper circular ads you toss in the trash without looking at them — was breaking a HUGE SCOOP!!!!! Are you guys ready for this? The Beacon has found Hillary Clinton’s letters to noted Communist mole Saul Alinsky! Read more on Wingnuts Find Hillary Clinton’s Love Letters To Saul Alinsky, Lenin, David Cassidy…