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Posts Tagged ‘hillary clinton’

WHAT'S SHE BUILDING?

Watch Out, Because Hillary’s Got $3 Million In New Campaign Money

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

Nobama, ever.Jesus christ: “Clinton’s $22 million in campaign debts (a good chunk of it owed to herself), has somehow now turned into some $3+ million in cash on hand and still growing, some in her old Senate fund and some in her defunct presidential campaign war chest.” MORE »


ANNALS OF PIMPING

Is David Shuster Going Bald, Like Virtually All Men Over 40?

Wednesday, July 29th, 2009

Ha this picture is so obviously Photoshopped and also a million years oldCould this possibly be true? Famous MSNBC reporter David Shuster, who once boldly suggested that Hillary Clinton was a pimp who shopped around her daughter for cash in exchange for sex, allegedly has a bald spot, and allegedly gets very upset when his bald spot appears on the television. Who is the “source close to production” who tattled to Page Six about this possible problem of David Shuster’s? Hillary Clinton, probably. [Page Six]


DELINQUENTS

Clinton Still Owes Mark Penn Many Dollars

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

Please do not feed the monstersOne of the great pleasures of last year’s campaign season was seeing the consulting firm of Mark Penn, history’s greatest monster, end up millions of dollars in the hole for all the great work they did on behalf of losing candidate Hillary Clinton. How was Penn going to afford his lavish subterranean cave and the constant supply of virgins bearing Ho-Hos without Clinton’s subsidies? MORE »


DODGING SNIPERS

Hillary Clinton’s Major Speech(!): ‘Remember, We Are Still Very Capable Of Bombing Everyone, For Fun’

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

How will Sinbad ruin this Hillary speech?America’s top bone-shattering Moral Megaphone to the Foreigns, Hillary Clinton, after months of begging, has finally been granted Nobama’s permission to deliver her first major speech as Secretary of State! (18 million cracks, natch.) In her address this afternoon at the Council on Foreign Relations, the famous lady will declare America’s ardent support for capturing terrorists, not capturing non-terrorist muslins (like four people total), preserving human rights everywhere all the time, fixing some minor Israeli/Palestinian tiff, nonproliferation of rad nukes, saving economics, and the climate changes — you know, gay stuff. And yet there is still one comical bit about how America can still just bomb the fuck out of everybody when all else fails, leading Politico’s Mike Allen to label this a “muscular” speech in his definitive preview. MORE »


SURELY THIS IS PRO BONO WORK

Monstrous Hell-Rat Lanny Davis Lobbying For Pro-Coup Honduran Business Group

Wednesday, July 15th, 2009

Barack Obama is terrible!You know what the many Honduran BUSINESS leaders in cahoots with the universally condemned and unrecognized Honduran power-grabbers and U.S. apparel corporations want? A simple return to Law and Order, in Honduras, under this new thug government! So they have hired one of earth’s worst specimens, Washington lawyer/lobbyist/commentator/liar Lanny Davis, to “convince Congress that it should support rather than oppose the military removal of President Manuel Zelaya from office.” MORE »


THIS WEEK IN DEMOCRAT ROMANCES

Secret Weiner-Abedin Engagement Finally Revealed!

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Now fetch Hillary her breath mints.Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP]


CAPTION CONTEST

Obama’s Message To World Leaders

Tuesday, June 23rd, 2009

Soft power.“And you just tell them, this is what I do to my friends.” [Official White House Photostream]


THIS WEEK IN ELBOW NEWS

Clinton’s Elbow Sets Off Diplomatic Crisis

Monday, June 22nd, 2009

The elbow's connected to the foggy bottomOh noes, Secretary Clinton won’t be going on previously scheduled trips abroad this week, due to having her elbow amputated and replaced with a bionic joint that shoots laser beams and takes orders directly from the president, Dick Cheney. She needs to rest up and not shake hands with anybody, which means that attendees of international conferences in Trieste and Corfu will have to shake hands with two other jokers from the State Department instead. And THAT is how World War III will start tomorrow. [Washington Post]


SURGICAL PROCEDURES

Hillary Clinton’s Elbow Put Back Together Again

Friday, June 19th, 2009

Elbows are gross.Hey members of the public, did you pray for Hillary Clinton and her right elbow as they went into surgery today? Because thanks to you, her elbow is fine. Of course, if the woman had any decency she would have both of her elbows removed permanently. [First Read]


SUSPICIOUS ACCIDENTS

Thursday, June 18th, 2009
  • WHY IS OBAMA TRYING TO KILL ALL HIS IMPORTANT LADIES? Maybe that Sotomayor “slip” at the airport wasn’t an accident after all. “Secretary of State Hillary Clinton fractured her right elbow Wednesday during a fall, State Department officials said.” Look out, Janet Napolitano! [CNN]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

David Blaine Should Be A Marine Sniper, For Reasons That Are Obvious

Thursday, June 11th, 2009
  • Hey! Have you heard about hydrogen barackside, the disinfectant that “kills capitalism on contact?” Ha Ha. It kills capitalism on contact. Not to be confused with the soothing effect of crack mccaine, which “makes sucking that dick so worth it.” [RedState]
  • During these troubled times, Marine Snipers need to learn how to resist torture, just in case they’re captured by the Americans. That’s why David Blaine runs a special summer camp where he locks soldiers in concrete footlockers until their legs turn to linguine or has them stand on a 100-foot pole for 35 hours in lousy weather. Some critics say David Blaine expects too much from his campers, but really it’s for their own good. [Andrew Sullivan]
  • Desmond Tutu is very excited that Barack Obama is a black man, because this Halloween he won’t have to buy a fancy mask like last year when he went trick-or-treating as Ross Perot. [HuffPost]
  • Do you perchance recall comedic genius and rightful heir to the Fox and Friends throne, Peter Doocy? You know, the chap who theorized Hillary Clinton was “hitting the sauce” and then invited John McCain over for strippers and Jello shots back at his dorm room? Well, prepare yourself for: P. Doocy, Fox News General Assignment Reporter, and you can bet your bottom he’s going to report on all the General Issues the Liberal Media ignores, like whether Hillary Clinton is still a virgin and if she showers in the morning or at night or not at all! [Think Progress]