Cover your ears, Obamacans: Walter Mondale's former campaign manager has constructed a bizarre and highly unlikely "nightmare scenario" for you that involves Hillary Clinton getting the vice presidential nomination without your Barry's permission, basically by guilting all the superdelegates into backing her.
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Aww, poor old Hillary must be feeling the pressure a little bit, because she's turning on the windshield wipers for the, what, third time? She cried again in a CNN interview today, this time while discussing her daughter. She says while crying that having Chelsea on the trail has been one of the "most incredibly gratifying experiences" of her life, and you know what? We'll grant her that. But then...
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Uhh... why was there a dead girl lying on the floor of a Clinton rally in West Virginia yesterday? Did an emaciated Hillary need an emergency glass of children's blood to drink before speaking? She needs to stop doing this! But it is Hillary, and she cannot. After the jump, the pantsuit from Hell.
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AND ALL SHE HAD TO DO WAS BECOME A RACIST: "Sen. Clinton's Mountain State blowout was only her second such landslide victory in the 51 primaries and caucuses to date." [Wall Street Journal]
Barack Obama is going to win in Oregon as big as Hillary won in West Virginia, but it will count for twice as many delegates. Also, he won the nomination. Still, he has to keep campaigning because Hillary will never ever quit the race, so he had to do this depressing Q&A with one of the "alt-weekly" papers in Portland. If you thought alt-weeklies were the last refuge of aging grunge losers, this interview really isn't going to change your view.
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Wonkette Search Engine Optimization Operative Plato-to-Nato sends us a screen grab from this morning's Washington Post. You're welcome.
Mary Lou Retton also hails from the fair state of West Virginia. And if Hillary Clinton were an athlete, she would be Mary Lou Retton in a fetching flag-themed leotard. What does Mary Lou Clinton have to say to the voters of West Virginia? Click the clicky and find out!
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Nope, the primary season still isn't over — and tonight the Democrats' Death March to the White House leads straight through West Virginia, whose oppressed citizens only get to vote once a day. Grab a liter of grain alcohol, a six-pack of Grape Nehi, some squirrel jerky, and your favorite semiautomatic firearm on your way home from work and we'll see you back here tonight.
Hillary Clinton's team of hard-working white Americans wrote a memo today. It is all about the importance of her winning the primary in the "key swing state" of West Virginia, which John McCain will win in a landslide in November. Read the memo in full after the jump.
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Here is a map someone at Daily Kos made, and it's not even terrifying. OK, it is obviously terrifying in several ways. It is color-coded by votes in each county — blue for Barry, red for Hillary, green for that white guy who was running like 90 years ago. Florida, appropriately, looks like a barfy member. [Daily Kos]
Weird old Cajun swamp weasel James Carville called Bill Richardson and said he wanted his thirty pieces of silver back. Then a chicken made a sound three times and Carville was like, "Hillary who?" in an alarming visit to Furman University in Greenville, South Carolina, in which he said all sorts of damning things about his former friend Senator Hillary Clinton.
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And now they will have that to live with for the rest of their life. [AP Photo]
According to learned graphology experts, Hillary Clinton is rigid and disciplined; John McCain has a fiery temper; and Barack Obama communicates well. These deep insights arrived after careful consideration of a few writing samples of each candidate, although any five-year-old who watches the news for two minutes might reach the same conclusion.
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The untouchables who sit by the Ganges plucking human waste from the river hold the most thankless job in the world. The American vice president holds the second most thankless job in the world. So it's no surprise that most senators have zero interest in the position — except for Larry Craig, who admitted in a creepily protesting-too-much fashion that "I would say 'No, Hillary.'" What are some other hilarious things America's jokester senators might say to the presidential nominees if tapped for the number two spot?
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Hillary Clinton, that elitist former president and Ivy League feminazi, has "found her voice" with these old gals in West Virginia. Preach it, Hilz! Only black people are angry/poor, and you know what they're doing, with the hip-hop/Ivy League vote! [AP Photo]
Obama-supporting Rep. Steve Cohen, of Tennessee, is very worried about Hillary Clinton hurting the Democratic party. So worried, Cohen is, that he made a colorful statement today about Hillz referencing some old Glenn Close movie. Basically, he wants Hillary to drown and will hold her head in the tub until the monster's lungs finally flood with water.
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