Tag Archives: hillary clinton

  Get Your Bingo Cards Out

Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo

Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity.
Oh, fine. Begin the recitation of stupidity. Wonder why bad things happen to good people? We’ve been scanning the dregs of the wingnuttosphere since Roanoke TV journalists Alison Parker and Adam Ward were shot to death while doing a routine interview Wednesday, and you’ll be astonished at the range of reasons it happened. Or you might be astonished, if you’re new to our great nation and its insane politics. Welcome to America! Here, you’ll want this flak jacket. So why did this terrible thing happen? Here’s a handy roundup! Read more on Gays, Abortions, Blacks, Oh My! Your Virginia Shooting Tragedy Bingo…
  deep thoughts

Sarah Palin Says Donald Trump Is Jesus, Basically

We already know Donald Trump makes Sarah Palin so moist in her granny panty g-string, because of how he is a hero, a gen-u-ine hero just like John McCain, only without the going to war. And we know that Donald Trump thinks Sarah is “tough and smart and just a great woman,” and he’d like to tap her in her moosehole — metaphorically, of course — and let her be the Secretary of Quittin’ Stuff, or maybe even scrawl her name in lipstick on his ballot to be his vice Trump, if we are that lucky. Read more on Sarah Palin Says Donald Trump Is Jesus, Basically…
  Real Journalists Use Roofies

James O’Keefe Releases SHOCK VIDEO Of Hillary Campaign Torturing Puppies

All the gravitas, all the veritas, all the smarmitas
All the gravitas, all the veritas, all the smarmitas Self-important Hefty bag of slime mold James O’Keefe has released a shocking new video showing Hillary Clinton campaigners in Iowa shockingly discussing ways to get Hillary Clinton elected. The Clinton campaign told Time magazine last week that it suspected people pretending to be volunteers for O’Keefe’s “Project Veritas” were trying to entrap Iowa campaign workers into saying something dumb or illegal. The beauty of O’Keefe’s operation is that while he’s never actually uncovered examples of people doing unethical or illegal things, he’s awfully good at thinking of illegal shit to do, then either recording simulated crimes, or trying to get people to go along with doing crimes, which proves such crimes must be rampant. Except in Iowa, the Clinton campaign was paying attention, and warned staffers not to assist anyone in an Osama bin Laden mask to fake voter registration forms. Read more on James O’Keefe Releases SHOCK VIDEO Of Hillary Campaign Torturing Puppies…
  do not pass go

Bernie Fans And Republicans Agree: Hillary Clinton Should Drop Out NOW!

Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton's real face, we guess.
Democratic frontrunner Hillary Clinton’s real face, we guess. Oh look, it is another extremely meaningful poll to tell us the extremely meaningful things about what might happen if the 2016 election were held today, even though it’s not going to be held for (hold on, back-of-the-napkin calculations happening) at least eleventy thousand more days. Considering how Hillary Clinton is probably a ginormous email criminal, who insists on changing her email address every single time she fires up a new AOL free trial CD-ROM, should she drop out of the race RIGHT THIS SECOND? Glad we have a poll from the ever-reliable Rasmussen to tell us these things: Read more on Bernie Fans And Republicans Agree: Hillary Clinton Should Drop Out NOW!…
  There Are Democrats Running This Year Too!

Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?

Three Dems, One Cup
Three Dems, One Cup With all the Republicans trying their best to beat the crap out of each other, you have to feel a little bad for the Democrats, who have generally been like the well-behaved kids who are trying to have a thoughtful talk about important Calculus Club business in one corner of the cafeteria while everyone’s paying attention to the brawl over by the snack machine, where the little brother of the quarterback from several seasons ago is getting a wedgie from that obnoxious guy with the weird hair. (Somewhere in this analogy, Rand Paul is wondering why no one’s taking his Objectivist Club pamphlets, John Kasich can’t convince anyone to play D & D with him — he insists on using the 2nd Edition — and no one’s even sure if Jim Gilmore actually attends this school.) So let’s check in on the people who actually care about subject-verb agreement and income inequality. Read more on Hey, What’s Up With The 2016 Democrats?…
  Getting To Know You

Martin O’Malley Doesn’t Want Some Old Hag Lady To Be President Of Him

He likes to show people his sex body.
He likes to show people his sex body. So, there’s a rumor going around that there are other Democrats running for president besides Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders, and yr Wonkette was disinclined to believe them until GQ ran a profile of this character “Martin O’Malley,” which seems to suggest that he’s running for president because he’s the smartest (he says), and Hillary Clinton is just too much of an old crusty hag fart to do the job: Read more on Martin O’Malley Doesn’t Want Some Old Hag Lady To Be President Of Him…
  Why you hatin?

Bernie Sanders Refuses To Answer Sexist Questions About His Luxurious Mane

That's not hair, Madam, it's IDEAS.
That’s not hair, Madam, it’s IDEAS. A reporter got in BIG TROUBLE with Bernie Sanders, in a new interview for The New York Times, and it was the reporter Ana Marie Cox, who USED to be called Wonkette, like during the Truman administration when this mommyblog and recipe hub started, but she isn’t anymore, because WE are your Wonkette, so stop tweeting in our general direction as if we are she, please and thank you. Anyway, why you mad, Bernard? You don’t want to answer questions about your luxurious white locks of love? Why Old Wonkette gotta be so sexist about Bernie’s hair, yo? Read more on Bernie Sanders Refuses To Answer Sexist Questions About His Luxurious Mane…
  U r pathetic

You Really Hurt Giant Pussy Erick Erickson’s Feelings, You Jerks

Sticks and stones yadda yadda Who knew RedState editor and Fox News contributor Erick Erickson, son of himself, was such a giant pussy? Oh, sorry, we mean such a “insert euphemism of choice related to the female reproductive system”? Turns out, though, he is, and now he wants the entire genre of impotent gap-toothed subliterate conservative slash fic to “recalibrate”: Read more on You Really Hurt Giant Pussy Erick Erickson’s Feelings, You Jerks…
  We Now Return You To Your Regularly Scheduled Programming

Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho

Talk to the hand, and also YOUR MOM Once upon a time, there was a guy with with a real dumb redundant name that is dumb, and for an entire millisecond, he fancied himself a great defender of womenfolk and decency. And fellow feminist icon Jeb! Bush declared him to be “on the side of women,” so it must be true. Read more on Great Feminist Blog RedState Says Hillary Clinton Is An Ugly Ho…
  Bern Noticed

Bernie Sanders Surging In New Hampshire Poll, So You Should Buy This Mug

Great Scott!
Bernie Sanders continues to be the under-the-radar, populist wild-haired guy from the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party, drawing enormous crowds (a record-stomping 28,000 in Portland, Oregon, on Sunday: 19,000 inside a sportsball arena, and the proverbial “over 9000” in an overflow area). He’s even ahead of Hillary Clinton in New Hampshire in a poll released Tuesday evening. The Franklin Pierce University/Boston Herald poll shows Sanders leading Clinton 44-37 percent among likely Democratic primary voters, which is the first time Bernie has actually outpolled Hillz in the Granite State. Read more on Bernie Sanders Surging In New Hampshire Poll, So You Should Buy This Mug…
  squeal for me baby

You (Probably) Won’t Have Sexy Daddy Rick Perry To Kick Around, Fap To

Stupid Fox News. Stupid RNC. Stupid everyone who didn’t support Rick Perry and made him debate at the kids’ table and now he is out of money and doubtless going to be the first to drop out of the presidential race because he is having to do mortifying things like “fly commercial” and who are we going to diddle our beans at now, beady-eyed ferret-dad Scott Walker? Rick Perry may be A Idiot, but he’s got a real purty mouth, and we like to look at it and think bad thoughts, STOP JUDGING ME YOU’RE THE ONE WHO GOT A BONE FOR AARON SCHOCK. Read more on You (Probably) Won’t Have Sexy Daddy Rick Perry To Kick Around, Fap To…
  get a brain moran

Jeb! Bush So Mad Hillary Clinton Invaded Iraq

Um … what? We thought Jeb! Bush had learned his lesson about not saying words on the subject of Iraq. You know, because of that one time he was still for the invasion, and then had a confuse about the yes-or-no question of “knowing what we know now, would you still invade Iraq, yes or no?” (see, trick question!), and then he was quite sure it was disrespectful to The Troops to even talk about it, and then he was against the invasion, but in a respectful-to-the-troops sort of way. And all in the course of a single week! Read more on Jeb! Bush So Mad Hillary Clinton Invaded Iraq…
  Excellent News For Democrats

Republicans Demand Mean A-Hole For President

This time he means it!
Better give the people what they want So remember that one time when Republicans had their first presidential debate, and Donald “Trump” Trump was an a-hole because being an a-hole is his brand? And all the Very Serious Pundits declared this was the beginning of the end for Trump, because Republicans don’t really want an a-hole for president. Read more on Republicans Demand Mean A-Hole For President…
  Hillary be like ROTFLMAO

Hillary Clinton Can’t Stop Laughing At Dumbass Republicans

This election is going better than 2008, we think.
Donald Trump is under the impression he won Thursday’s debate, but that honor may actually go to America’s queen, Hillary “Hillz” Clinton, who seems to be having a gay old time, no homo, making fun of all the doofuses and dillweeds what are running against her on the Republican side. First we have the video above, which her campaign released just in case people missed the debate and want to see what happened. It’s got Jeb! Bush not knowing when the primaries are, Rand Paul and Chris Christie slap-fighting like schoolchildren, Donald Trump calling every lady in America a “fat pig,” and so on. Read more on Hillary Clinton Can’t Stop Laughing At Dumbass Republicans…