Newsflash, we guess: Rick Perry miraculously sounds like a sentient human in a secret communique he typed to Hillary Clinton (!) at some point 18 years ago before the demons of compassion lost the battle for his soul. Perry wrote the letter as Texas Agricultural Commissioner to praise Clinton for her attempt at the time to begin [...]
Greetings, liberal larvae! I hope you enjoyed your Dear Leader’s Most Sacred and Honorable Birthday Week in the appropriate fashion: prostrating yourself at the Virgin of Obamalupe altar you’ve built in the corner of your shack with colorful tin cans and wee little milagros depicting Michelle, Sasha and Malia with glorious halos. Other things happened [...]
America’s political paper of record, TMZ.com, has yet another hot new blog story about how somebody tangentially involved in politics also has naked pictures on the Internet. If you’re a fan of low-end Web porn, you will certainly be excited about this gal, who once worked as an intern in Hillary Clinton’s field office in [...]
According to Real Clear Politics, which we were certain was just a dumping ground for releases by right-wing pollsters, but apparently has HUMAN or HUMAN-LIKE writers, Rick Perry is being considered for the Republican presidential nomination. “RCP has learned that political associates have begun to nose around quietly on Perry’s behalf.” Ooh! “Political associates!” (This [...]
Ultra Orthodox Hasidic newspaper Der Tzitung is telling its readers like it isn’t- by editing Secretary of State Hillary Clinton from the now-iconic Bin Laden raid Situation Room photo. Oy vey. The religious paper never publishes pictures of women, as they could be considered “sexually suggestive.” We kind of wish she was elected president so [...]
At the rate Donald Trump is scooping up key parts of the Republican base the real candidates are too afraid to be seen courting, his fake candidacy will have officially have won the real campaign in only a week or two. Who’s he going after now? Racists. “I have a great relationship with the blacks. [...]
For some reason, the Internet hasn’t noticed noticed that dentist who bought that Hillary Clinton for president ad had another one made that’s even better. That’s about to change. Obama and Biden have announced their bid. It’s time for a pair of challengers: Hillary Clinton and her constitutionally-unable-to-run-for-vice-president husband. Let’s make this happen! This is [...]
Though Secretaries of War Adventure Robert Gates and Hillary Clinton are “leaving open” exactly how many years in Libya the United States will be fighting a war to remove a despot they say they don’t want to remove, President Obama is continuing on with a scheduled address to the nation tonight on our cute new [...]
Scheming frenemy Hillary Clinton tells the CNN people that she won’t be Obama’s secretary of state in his next term, assuming he wins, so this frees him up to nominate Sarah Palin or George Will or somebody. Really, Hillary’s jumping off the rat-ship … that’s what she told Wolf Blitzer, anyway. She’s a Clinton, so [...]
Hello! Would you like to know what your President Mahmoud Barack Hussein Al-Bama did this week? Well, this column will tell you everything in vast, accurate detail, based on Official White House Videographer Arun Chaudhary’s weekly pornographic Inter-tubes serial. But let us imagine instead that you would perhaps be more interested in a WEST WING [...]
Look: One of those behind-the-scenes stories about the administration. Will is prove to be endlessly fascinating, or will it be yet again as boring as its subjects? Well, it turns out Hillary Clinton is being used by Obama for advice on Egypt and to represent him on this issue. Almost like she’s Secretary of State [...]
Hmm, pretty simple question from CNN’s Candy Crowley, right?
Per the latest batch of WikiLeaks, a cable from Caracas, Venezuela was sent to Washington in January entitled “Making Socialism Easier to Swallow.” WHY WAS THIS SENT? OUR TAX DOLLARS ARE BEING SPENT STUDYING SOCIALISM TO PICK UP TIPS ON HOW TO DO IT. Obviously, as this was sent to Hillary Clinton, or “RUEHC/SECSTATE WASHDC [...]
Hillary Clinton was in Bahrain today, and because we live in a period of history after her husband’s presidency and before her death (from that most feminist of diseases, breast cancer, we presume), somebody asked her if she was interested in running for president. And because Hillary Clinton has yet to become mentally ill from [...]
Hey you guys, Christine O’Donnell is still willing to set fire to some media oxygen! Good Morning America had her and failed CNN newsman D.L. Hughley on today, because what America loves is listening to two people who know little about current events telling us their PERSPECTIVE. So here is what Christine thinks about Hillary [...]
