Wonkette

We interrupt Mark Foley’s Cocktober Surprise (or PageFuckerGate or whatever the hell we’re calling it) to bring you this only slightly Foley-related item. It’s our weekly advice column, in which a real live Anonymous Lobbyist answers questions all about how she’s destroying our country from readers just like you, but more shrill. Send your questions here, and chances pretty good that she’ll get to it.

This week: L’affaire Foley, Hill Staffers, and lobbyists don’t give a shit who you donate to.

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Kirk Fordham, high level congressional staffer, resigned today. Here’s why that’s a sorta big deal in three or four sentences: MORE »

• Yeas and Nays: Vernon Jordan calls and demands that Nathan’s (G’town) bring chilidogs out to his car as he drives by… Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg will preside over a mock trial involving Henrik Ibsen characters. Former theater students, law students equally appalled. [Examiner]
• Reliable Source: Hill Staffers, Reps Bob Etheridge and James McGovern, eat school lunch — voluntarily — because it was free. Lunch options given goofy names, you really should just go read it for yourself. [WP]

Wonkette operatives with way too much time on their hands implore us to attack The Hill’s “Blog,” where you can read the freewheeling and totally unedited thoughts of senators and representatives.

It’s like MySpace, if MySpace pages were nothing more than impossibly wooden press releases sent out by congressional staffers. Sleep-inducing examples, after the jump.

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Good news, everyone! LegiStorm (which, yes, sounds like the homepage of some sort of white supremacist organization, but is, in fact, a useful and terrifying database of Congressional salaries) is back online after a couple server problems yesterday (we can relate). We’ve barely begun to go through all the data available for shameless gawking, but it should provide a nice bit of value-add to otherwise dry posts. Like the one we were going to do on Senator Conrad Burns (R-MT), and how he’s crazy just corrupt, this time. See, he took a ride on the private Vonage plane (if they can CHARTER PLANES for SENATORS why can’t they provide halfway decent CUSTOMER SERVICE?). In exchange for supporting pro-Vonage legislation, etc. etc. etc. But the legislation was apparently a rider to a port security bill that somehow facilitates or improves Vonage customers’ 911 access, which really doesn’t sound all that bad to us. So in search of genuine scandal, we just decided to go see how much he pays his staff. MORE »

People are always asking us, “how do I get me some of that hot Republican Hill Staffer ass?” Yes, from time immemorial, lovelorn Democratic boys have wondered just how they can get into the god-fearing (but nicely fitting) pants of those oh-so-cute GOP staffers. Well boys, here’s your answer: kill your wife. MORE »

Good news — Andrea LeBlanc, spokesperson for the House Government Reform Committee, has halted her descent into madness.

Ms. LeBlanc was the author of the increasingly personal and crazy emails we published a couple weeks back (we’re outing her because The Hill stole our item without attribution the very next fucking day and named names).

Today, though, we received her last oddly personal missive — she’s leaving for the private sector, and just the sight of freedom from Capitol Hill has cleared out most of the crazy. Though there’s a bit.

And perhaps…if you consider it…you may utilize my contact info below.

Full email, after the jump.

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• Labor Department employees move at a sloth like pace even when they’re trying get their mack on. [Craigslist]

• Hill staffers on the other hand, quickly fetishize interns half their age. [Craigslist]
• As painful as it is to say, if you’re writing 2000 word missives and posting them on Craigslist, you need to get a blog. [Craigslist]
• Café Milano: the eurotrashiest place in Washington, 14 years running. [The Liquid Muse]

• Ever wonder what passive-aggressive uptight agriculture administrators do when they boil over? Now you know.

• Katherine Harris’s senate campaign reminds us of a kitchy 60’s feminist empowerment fantasy but we’re not sure which one. Oh well, there’s not many better ways to spend a weekend then smoking a joint and watching them all.
• When times are desperate, and you just have to meet Tim Russert, you might want to try showing up on Nebraska Ave. Sunday morning - you know what time - with a nice floral arrangement and a card addressed to, “the most interesting and important man on television.” We’re not sayin’, we’re just sayin’.
• As the Vanity Fair cover fades from memory, Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame decide it’s time to get theirs, hold press conference to let us know. Dick Cheney is shaking in his Allen Edmonds.
• Thanks to Arlen Specter using his “serious face” in negotiations with the White House, a secret court is now allowed to put it’s quarter in the slot and get a 30 second peek at the steamy domestic spying program.
• Is this heaven Osama? No. It’s Indiana, the place where terrorists’ dreams come true.
• We love going Bananas for the semi-monthly “Castro’s dead” rumors.
• The National Press Club makes an honest reporter out of the new and improved Jeff Gannon.
• Wonk’d, Washington’s celebrity sighting column of record, is entered as “Exhibit-W” in the trial for infamous Duke “laxer” Collin Finnerty.

The staffer who took the above shot reports: MORE »

[10:05] AnonymousHillStaffer: USA USA USA
[10:05] wonkette: YES
[10:06] wonkette: FUCK GHANA
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: haha they just showed people in times square watching on the big screen
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: there were like 20 people watching
[10:06] wonkette: ha
[10:06] AnonymousHillStaffer: because NOBODY CARES
[10:07] AnonymousHillStaffer: im watching on univision though so it seems a lot more important
[10:07] wonkette: of course
[10:07] wonkette: i wish i got the Ghanian networks
[10:08] wonkette: they’ll be burnin’ some flags tonight
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: the coverage would be things like “death to america”
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: or “courageous ghanans bring death to america–in soccer”
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: haha
[10:08] AnonymousHillStaffer: i love when other countries burn our flags MORE »