He’s got most of the money remaining in the U.S. economy, and yet. Barack Obama’s plane, a rickety old hackjob called an “MD-80 Midwest charter,” was going to crash into a World Trade Center today en route from Chicago to Charlotte — it was just that broken! Alas, his terrible pilots were forced to make an emergency landing in Missouri. Hey, Missouri… that’s one of those whatchamacallits… border states… slave states… oh that’s right, it’s a swing state. What a fortuitous terrorist crash landing! MORE »

Here’s something to make you feel a little less comfortable about your life and the chances of it continuing beyond today: Some lunatic in Baltimore hijacked a tanker truck carrying 7,100 gallons of diesel. The truck is a bright-red Peterbilt carrying a metal tanker — both have “Baltimore Tank Lines” painted on the sides.

And check out the culprit, described as “a man in a blue jumpsuit who had been hiding in the sleeper portion of the cab.” WTF? So the driver was filling up the tank and then returned to the cab and then this blue-jumpsuited freak hops out with a semi-automatic pistol. The hijacked death bomb was last seen headed to I-95. Duck, everybody!

Police Search For Hijacked Tanker Truck [WBAL 11]