Tag Archives: high school

  People different from us

Alleged Prep School Rapist Only Did It Because There Was A School Sex Contest, Probably

What you're SUPPOSED to do in boarding school.
What you’re SUPPOSED to do in boarding school. Oh, to be back at boarding school! Mumsy and Popsy would seldom visit, and even then, only to meet with the headmaster about which one of our family names would christen the new Humanities building. And what fun we all had! Pulling pranks down by the old river bend, Spirit Week contests where we’d all dress up like cheerleaders, and best of all, the Senior Fucking Contest, where all the senior boys would engage in a mighty endurance competition to see who could do the most fucking to the underclassmen. Oh how St. Paul’s School in New Hampshire did prepare us for storied careers in finance, industry, government and WAIT A MINUTE, did we just type “Senior Fucking Contest”? Read more on Alleged Prep School Rapist Only Did It Because There Was A School Sex Contest, Probably…
  Nice Time update!

Mississippi Grads’ Families Won’t Face Jail Time For Being Excessively Proud Of Kids

We don't either.
Remember that real dumb story we typed at you, about the high school graduation in Senatobia, Mississippi, where two of the graduates’ family members were ejected from graduation for the egregious crime of cheering with beaming pride when their kids’ names were called, even though they had been EXPLICITLY TOLD no clapping until the end? And then District Superintendent Jay Foster decided to make an example of these obvious criminals (who are black, why do you ask?), so he demanded and had served warrants for their arrests, for “disturbing the peace”? The nerve of those families, for getting so excited they forgot they weren’t supposed to say “You did it, baby!” to graduates who did, in point of fact, do it, baby. Read more on Mississippi Grads’ Families Won’t Face Jail Time For Being Excessively Proud Of Kids…
  NSFW because Huckabee

Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole

Not sorry one bit
Grinning sack of deep-fried squirrel meat Mike Huckabee is a jerk and a pervert, and he’s damn proud of that, mister. Damn proud. Last week, we learned about his EWWWWWW GROSS fantasies of pretending to be transgender in high school, to sneak into the girls’ locker room and ogle their lady privates, like a pervert, HAW HAW. Read more on Mike Huckabee Wants You To Know He’s Still Mighty Proud To Be A-Hole…
  Trigger warning for Mike Huckabee's fantasies

Mike Huckabee’s Secret Trans Fantasy: High School Sex Boobies For Everyone!

Let us tell you our sex fantasies.
Hahaha, you know what’s funny, you guys? Transgender people! At least, if you are Mike Huckabee or any of the dildo-brained malcontents who respect him. Back in February, Huckabee spoke to the National Religious Broadcasters Convention, but WorldNetDaily just uploaded the video to its YouTube account, so now we get to see it! Huckabee’s speech was about, of course, “religious freedom!” and how Christianity is under attack from all corners. And of course, some of those attackers are transgender people, who would like to use the restroom please. Of course, since Huckabee and like-minded wingnuts are equal parts stupid and bigoted, the scientific reality of transgender people is reduced to “I wanna pretend I’m a lady so I can go in the girls’ locker room and see the boobies!” Read more on Mike Huckabee’s Secret Trans Fantasy: High School Sex Boobies For Everyone!…
  No tux is complete without a boutonnierre and a penis

Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student

Bad-ass Janelle Monae rocking a tux, GONNA BAN HER FROM PROM TOO?
Priorities! Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has them! Claudetteia Love is 17, she is a top honors student headed to college on a full scholarship, and she would like to go the prom with her friends. She would also like to wear a tuxedo, because that’s what she’s most comfortable in. All of this is great, except for the fact that she is a damn lesbian, and they just don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in MON-roe (spelled phonetically for non-Southern readers, for future reference): Read more on Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student…
  A Pair O' Pathetic Peripatetics

Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids

Seriously, we're polytheists who hold slaves and like buggery. A Republican is going to hold us up as examples?
We’re not sure we’d go so far as to say that we miss Eric Cantor. But we sure are impressed with the intellectual firepower of Dave Brat, the Tea Party twit that replaced him. In a meeting of the House Education and Workforce Committee Wednesday, Brat explained why we shouldn’t get too het up about education policy and federal funding for public schools, and that is because the best will always just naturally rise to the top like they always have in history: Read more on Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids…
  Founding Fodder

Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America

George Washington crossing the Red River
Students at several Denver-area high schools walked out of classes Monday and Tuesday to protest a proposal by conservative school board members to make the district’s Advanced Placement U.S. History classes more patriotic and America-loving. The board, sharing widespread concerns that revisions to the AP US History framework will be nothing but liberal propaganda, recently proposed a committee that would make sure school curricula only taught Goodthink: Read more on Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America…
  push the pram a lot

PA High School Principal Cancels ‘Spamalot’ After Gay Wedding Turns Him Into A Newt

Moral scolds in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania, have triumphed over the linked evils of the Homosexual Agenda and Musical Theater, cancelling a student production of Monty Python’s Spamalot that had been planned for Spring 2015. Parents complained that the play’s material — based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail — was inappropriate for students at the combined junior-senior high school because it included a same-sex wedding scene, but if any comedy is more purely adolescent than that of Monty Python, we don’t want to know what it is. Read more on PA High School Principal Cancels ‘Spamalot’ After Gay Wedding Turns Him Into A Newt…
  congratulations graduates: science is a lie

Wingnut School Board President Uses Graduation Speech To Audition For AM Radio Show

You know what would be a nice change from the usual high school commencement speech? A speech that really lets the graduates know the challenges they’ll face in the adult world, that motivates them to be the change they wish to see, that demonstrates that they can make a difference. For instance, at last Wednesday’s high school graduation ceremonies in Quakertown, Pennsylvania, the president of the Quakertown Community School Board, Paul Stepanoff, used the occasion to rant at the graduates about how climate change is fake and abortion needs to be banned. It really gave the graduates a whole bunch of reasons to become active in local politics and to work to get Paul Stepanoff off the Quakertown Community School Board. Mission: Accomplished! Read more on Wingnut School Board President Uses Graduation Speech To Audition For AM Radio Show…
  'box of dildos' would be a great band name

Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos

So here’s two minutes of Glenn Beck talking about the terrible horrible no good very bad thing that happened at a high school in Bellingham, Washington, Glenn’s home town. Basically, a teacher let her drama club students plan their own end-of-year awards ceremony. And high school students being high school students — actually, worse: high school drama club members being high school drama club members, it got raunchy. Rude jokes, rude awards, and casual awfulness. You know. High school stuff. Except that the teacher, Teri Grimes, “a veteran of three decades who is slated to retire after this year,” apparently didn’t step in and censor the kids’ presentation, because she Just Hates America. And also, maybe after nearly thirty years, she thought there was some merit in letting kids design and run their own awards show. Like they do in Communist Roosha. Read more on Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos…
  and barry goldwater thought 'au h2o' was clever

Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke

Here’s your feel-good fun-time story of the day! Paris Gray, a painfully bright senior at Mundy’s Mill High School in Clayton County, Georgia, made a pretty cool science joke in her yearbook: When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus. And just in case you don’t have your Periodic Table handy (what is WRONG with you?), that would be: Read more on Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke…
  soon to be a major teen novel series

Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?

The students at Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, California, are about to have their fun tradition ruined by political correctness, looks like, because the school administration is going to shut down an annual “prom draft” that somehow became a thing. It worked sort of like a sportsball draft, “ranking female students and selling first-round picks to those eager for a top selection,” but now the mean old principal, Kathy Scott, is trying to shut it down, because she doesn’t have a sense of humor and is probably just jealous. Read more on Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?…
  traditional values are about leaving grandma on the ice

Fox News & Sarah Palin Too Smart For High School Teacher Trying To Sneak Death Panels Into Sociology Class

Fox News Radio’s bipedal panic robot Todd Starnes has discovered yet another element of Obamacare’s insidious plot to kill grandma: A sociology class at St. Joseph-Ogden High School in St. Joseph, Illinois, that was given an assignment to decide which of ten fictional characters would receive life-saving medical treatment: The lesson involves 10 people who are in desperate need of kidney dialysis. “Unless they receive this procedure, they will die,” the lesson states. But there’s a problem. The local hospital only has enough machines to support six patients. “That means four people are not going to live,” the assignment states. “You must decide from the information below which six will survive.” Starnes is pretty sure that’s a lesson in death panels right there, even though exercises in ethical dilemmas like this have been around forever — we remember rightwing Christians complaining about them in the 1980s as part of the threat of “secular humanism.” But this one mentions scarce medical resources, so of course it has to be part of a plan to get kids ready for the ugly new realities of Obama’s America. Read more on Fox News & Sarah Palin Too Smart For High School Teacher Trying To Sneak Death Panels Into Sociology Class…
  you better run you better take cover

Australian Prime Minister’s Sandwich Woes Generate Best Headline Of 2013

Here’s one for your SAT analogy section: George W. Bush is to to Iraqi journalists and shoes as Australian Prime Minister Julia Gilliard is to high school students and sandwiches. For the second time within a month, the Sydney Morning Herald reports, Gilliard has been the target of a “bread-based missile” flung during a school visit, this time while visiting a high school in Canberra to announce some education grant thing. Earlier in May, a student at a high school in Queensland was suspended for nailing the PM with a vegemite sandwich. (The student’s motive was unknown, but the working theory is that the PM asked him if he speaka her language.) Read more on Australian Prime Minister’s Sandwich Woes Generate Best Headline Of 2013…
  I will never love again...oh she's cute!

Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition

Well, my dear Wonketteers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been given the privilege of reminding you once again of the shittiness of high-school life. Howevsies, this week’s topic relates to all of you, even now! For, as I am sure you know, breakups are the shittiest of shits, they are the shit to rule them all, the shit to find them, the shit to bring them all, and in the darkness make them even shittier (Dok has informed me that I have reached my limit for swears or LOTR quotes. Can’t remember, I wasn’t listening). Read more on Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition…
  wonketjugend

Wonkette’s Teen Korner For Teenz: ‘Splodey Edition

So, my dear wonketeers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist will not, in fact, be bringing you tales of merriment, jimmy rustling, and subtle spam for his Facebook page or even for exquisitely handsome men on mugs. I, in fact, have some somber-ass news. Amid the panic caused by the attack on Boston, I was recollecting on how goddam lucky I am. You see, I was among many of those in Idaho thanking whatever deity we choose to worship (Spaghetti Monster, Alcoholics Anonymous, whatever) that the bomb threat called into five schools (one of them mine), three hospitals, and three supermarkets last Thursday, the week before Boston, was fake. Read more on Wonkette’s Teen Korner For Teenz: ‘Splodey Edition…