Tag Archives: high school

  No tux is complete without a boutonnierre and a penis

Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student

Bad-ass Janelle Monae rocking a tux, GONNA BAN HER FROM PROM TOO?
Priorities! Carroll High School in Monroe, Louisiana, has them! Claudetteia Love is 17, she is a top honors student headed to college on a full scholarship, and she would like to go the prom with her friends. She would also like to wear a tuxedo, because that’s what she’s most comfortable in. All of this is great, except for the fact that she is a damn lesbian, and they just don’t take kindly to that sort of thing in MON-roe (spelled phonetically for non-Southern readers, for future reference): Read more on Louisiana Principal Determined To Ruin Prom For Bad-A** Tux-Wearing Lesbian Honors Student…
  A Pair O' Pathetic Peripatetics

Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids

Seriously, we're polytheists who hold slaves and like buggery. A Republican is going to hold us up as examples?
We’re not sure we’d go so far as to say that we miss Eric Cantor. But we sure are impressed with the intellectual firepower of Dave Brat, the Tea Party twit that replaced him. In a meeting of the House Education and Workforce Committee Wednesday, Brat explained why we shouldn’t get too het up about education policy and federal funding for public schools, and that is because the best will always just naturally rise to the top like they always have in history: Read more on Tea Party Loon Dave Brat: Socrates Would Want Us To Slash School Funding For Poor Kids…
  Founding Fodder

Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America

George Washington crossing the Red River
Students at several Denver-area high schools walked out of classes Monday and Tuesday to protest a proposal by conservative school board members to make the district’s Advanced Placement U.S. History classes more patriotic and America-loving. The board, sharing widespread concerns that revisions to the AP US History framework will be nothing but liberal propaganda, recently proposed a committee that would make sure school curricula only taught Goodthink: Read more on Colorado Students Ditch Class, Refuse To Love America…
  push the pram a lot

PA High School Principal Cancels ‘Spamalot’ After Gay Wedding Turns Him Into A Newt

Moral scolds in South Williamsport, Pennsylvania, have triumphed over the linked evils of the Homosexual Agenda and Musical Theater, cancelling a student production of Monty Python’s Spamalot that had been planned for Spring 2015. Parents complained that the play’s material — based on Monty Python and the Holy Grail — was inappropriate for students at the combined junior-senior high school because it included a same-sex wedding scene, but if any comedy is more purely adolescent than that of Monty Python, we don’t want to know what it is. Read more on PA High School Principal Cancels ‘Spamalot’ After Gay Wedding Turns Him Into A Newt…
  congratulations graduates: science is a lie

Wingnut School Board President Uses Graduation Speech To Audition For AM Radio Show

You know what would be a nice change from the usual high school commencement speech? A speech that really lets the graduates know the challenges they’ll face in the adult world, that motivates them to be the change they wish to see, that demonstrates that they can make a difference. For instance, at last Wednesday’s high school graduation ceremonies in Quakertown, Pennsylvania, the president of the Quakertown Community School Board, Paul Stepanoff, used the occasion to rant at the graduates about how climate change is fake and abortion needs to be banned. It really gave the graduates a whole bunch of reasons to become active in local politics and to work to get Paul Stepanoff off the Quakertown Community School Board. Mission: Accomplished! Read more on Wingnut School Board President Uses Graduation Speech To Audition For AM Radio Show…
  'box of dildos' would be a great band name

Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos

So here’s two minutes of Glenn Beck talking about the terrible horrible no good very bad thing that happened at a high school in Bellingham, Washington, Glenn’s home town. Basically, a teacher let her drama club students plan their own end-of-year awards ceremony. And high school students being high school students — actually, worse: high school drama club members being high school drama club members, it got raunchy. Rude jokes, rude awards, and casual awfulness. You know. High school stuff. Except that the teacher, Teri Grimes, “a veteran of three decades who is slated to retire after this year,” apparently didn’t step in and censor the kids’ presentation, because she Just Hates America. And also, maybe after nearly thirty years, she thought there was some merit in letting kids design and run their own awards show. Like they do in Communist Roosha. Read more on Here’s Your Video With Glenn Beck Going On And On About Dildos…
  and barry goldwater thought 'au h2o' was clever

Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke

Here’s your feel-good fun-time story of the day! Paris Gray, a painfully bright senior at Mundy’s Mill High School in Clayton County, Georgia, made a pretty cool science joke in her yearbook: When the going gets tough just remember to Barium, Carbon, Potassium, Thorium, Astatine, Arsenic, Sulfur, Uranium, Phosphorus. And just in case you don’t have your Periodic Table handy (what is WRONG with you?), that would be: Read more on Georgia School Stops Being A Jerk About Young Nerd Lady’s Filthy Science Joke…
  soon to be a major teen novel series

Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?

The students at Corona del Mar High School in Newport Beach, California, are about to have their fun tradition ruined by political correctness, looks like, because the school administration is going to shut down an annual “prom draft” that somehow became a thing. It worked sort of like a sportsball draft, “ranking female students and selling first-round picks to those eager for a top selection,” but now the mean old principal, Kathy Scott, is trying to shut it down, because she doesn’t have a sense of humor and is probably just jealous. Read more on Mean O.C. Principal Kills Prom Date ‘Draft,’ Because She Is Old And Ugly, Maybe A Lesbo?…
  traditional values are about leaving grandma on the ice

Fox News & Sarah Palin Too Smart For High School Teacher Trying To Sneak Death Panels Into Sociology Class

Fox News Radio’s bipedal panic robot Todd Starnes has discovered yet another element of Obamacare’s insidious plot to kill grandma: A sociology class at St. Joseph-Ogden High School in St. Joseph, Illinois, that was given an assignment to decide which of ten fictional characters would receive life-saving medical treatment: The lesson involves 10 people who are in desperate need of kidney dialysis. “Unless they receive this procedure, they will die,” the lesson states. But there’s a problem. The local hospital only has enough machines to support six patients. “That means four people are not going to live,” the assignment states. “You must decide from the information below which six will survive.” Starnes is pretty sure that’s a lesson in death panels right there, even though exercises in ethical dilemmas like this have been around forever — we remember rightwing Christians complaining about them in the 1980s as part of the threat of “secular humanism.” But this one mentions scarce medical resources, so of course it has to be part of a plan to get kids ready for the ugly new realities of Obama’s America. Read more on Fox News & Sarah Palin Too Smart For High School Teacher Trying To Sneak Death Panels Into Sociology Class…
  you better run you better take cover

Australian Prime Minister’s Sandwich Woes Generate Best Headline Of 2013

Here’s one for your SAT analogy section: George W. Bush is to to Iraqi journalists and shoes as Australian Prime Minister Julia Gilliard is to high school students and sandwiches. For the second time within a month, the Sydney Morning Herald reports, Gilliard has been the target of a “bread-based missile” flung during a school visit, this time while visiting a high school in Canberra to announce some education grant thing. Earlier in May, a student at a high school in Queensland was suspended for nailing the PM with a vegemite sandwich. (The student’s motive was unknown, but the working theory is that the PM asked him if he speaka her language.) Read more on Australian Prime Minister’s Sandwich Woes Generate Best Headline Of 2013…
  I will never love again...oh she's cute!

Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition

Well, my dear Wonketteers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been given the privilege of reminding you once again of the shittiness of high-school life. Howevsies, this week’s topic relates to all of you, even now! For, as I am sure you know, breakups are the shittiest of shits, they are the shit to rule them all, the shit to find them, the shit to bring them all, and in the darkness make them even shittier (Dok has informed me that I have reached my limit for swears or LOTR quotes. Can’t remember, I wasn’t listening). Read more on Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition…
  wonketjugend

Wonkette’s Teen Korner For Teenz: ‘Splodey Edition

So, my dear wonketeers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist will not, in fact, be bringing you tales of merriment, jimmy rustling, and subtle spam for his Facebook page or even for exquisitely handsome men on mugs. I, in fact, have some somber-ass news. Amid the panic caused by the attack on Boston, I was recollecting on how goddam lucky I am. You see, I was among many of those in Idaho thanking whatever deity we choose to worship (Spaghetti Monster, Alcoholics Anonymous, whatever) that the bomb threat called into five schools (one of them mine), three hospitals, and three supermarkets last Thursday, the week before Boston, was fake. Read more on Wonkette’s Teen Korner For Teenz: ‘Splodey Edition…
  it was a pleasure to burn

Ohio English Teacher Suspended For … Wait For It … Writing Novel

The North Canton City School District takes seriously the shitty, snippy bromide “those who can’t do teach” — so seriously, in fact, that they have suspended a high school English teacher because she wrote a novel. An English teacher writing a novel? Now we have heard everything! But you can kind of see their point: Carol Ann Eastman, writing under the pseudonym Deena Bright, produced a novel where a teacher has sex with people! People who are other teachers, and former students! (Not current students. That would not be legal.) This has led to lots of parents saying “and?” and some other parents screeching their bizarre little faces right off! Parents complained to the district when they found out about the subject matter of Eastman’s book, and many local parents feel Eastman shouldn’t teach high school English if she also publishes bawdy fiction. “That’s inappropriate,” opined Sharon Turkall, for example, according to WEWS-TV. “I don’t think I’d write about that whether it was fiction or truth.” Well, if Sharon Turkall wouldn’t write that about, then it just makes sense that no other people in the entire world should be allowed to write about that either. Read more on Ohio English Teacher Suspended For … Wait For It … Writing Novel…
  my bacon doesn't have enough meat on it

The Obama Dystopia: Kids Complain About School Lunch For First Time Ever

The Daily Caller (excuse me, the DAILY CALLER NEWS FOUNDATION wtf) has an exclusive breaking expose: high schoolers are whiny about things. Children and parents across the country are fed up with the restrictive new school meal regulations implemented by the Department of Agriculture under the “Healthy, Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010,” which has long been touted by first lady Michelle Obama. […] “This year, we’ll be hungry by 2:00,” one student, Zach Eck, told KAKETV in Kansas. “We would eat our pencils at school if they had nutritional value.” Um, child, of course you would tell KAKETV you want more food, it’s a TV station made of kake. I would tell BEERTV I want to get schwasted after work (during work), too. But let’s look at what these kids are doing to “protest,” courtesy of KAKETV’s new show, What Shit Do You Shove In Your Face? Read more on The Obama Dystopia: Kids Complain About School Lunch For First Time Ever…
  funny pictures

And Here Is A Youthful, Smiling Mitt Romney Pointing A Gun At His Jaw

The Daily has a story up about this fellow, Sidney Barthwell, who was a high school classmate of Mitt Romney’s and a law school classmate of Barack Obama’s. It sounds nice! We didn’t read it. But have you seen this photo that complements it, in which Mitt Romney is smiling and pointing a gun to his jaw? Read more on And Here Is A Youthful, Smiling Mitt Romney Pointing A Gun At His Jaw…
  forgotten wingnuts

Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl

Not even Republican primary voters wanted Sam Brownback as a presidential candidate, so the right-wing nobody went back to Kansas, both metaphorically and literally. He’s governor of Kansas, apparently. And he’s still a thin-skinned jerk. We learned these facts from the cautionary tale of Emma Sullivan, an 18-year-old high school senior and member of the Youth In Government program. (The tale is cautionary for state-level wingnut creeps like Brownback.) During a field trip to the state capital, Sullivan was annoyed by Brownback’s dumb comments to the kids. So she wrote a joke on Twitter for her friends: “Just made mean comments at gov brownback and told him he sucked, in person #heblowsalot.” And then Brownback’s goblins found the joke online and tried to destroy this student’s life. Read more on Sam Brownback Insane With Rage After Twitter Insult By High School Girl…
  sex tapes

Weird Story Surfaces In Ongoing Search For Rick Perry Sex Scandal

The Rick Perry Investigative News Team over at POLITICO was still feeling nostalgic for Ronald Reagan’s America following the other night’s GOP Supersexxxual Debate about “taxes,” a thing that is fun to debate especially when no one on the stage understands what that word means. So someone started digging around news archives from 1986, which is the year Pixar opened its cartoon shop, “going postal” became a thing, and then-state Rep. Rick Perry “accidentally” sent sex videos to a bunch of teenagers, to teach them about the dangers of drug use. Read more on Weird Story Surfaces In Ongoing Search For Rick Perry Sex Scandal…
  forget we even mentioned it

American History Will Disappear From Students’ Minds By 2060

Historical revisionist Sarah Palin is not alone in her inability to answer basic questions about our nation’s past: American students don’t know squat, either! 82% of high school seniors failed to demonstrate “proficiency” on a national history exam, a 1% uptick in number of students who couldn’t pass the previous test in 2006. Keep at it, America! At this rate, by 2060, graduating high school students will no longer even know the past exists. (We think. America failed to teach us math, too.) Read more on American History Will Disappear From Students’ Minds By 2060…
  still a young presidency

Rep. DeFazio: Emo Obama Says Not Passing Tax Deal Could End Presidency

Emo Obama is back, according to Obama-Republican tax-cut opponent Peter DeFazio, who said last night that the president is “making phone calls saying this is the end of his presidency if he doesn’t get” his deal passed. Oh, is that it? One thing doesn’t go his way, and suddenly the whole world has conspired against him and his feelings and completely ruined being president for him? DeFazio thinks the passing of this tax-cut thing actually will ruin Obama’s chances for re-election. How nice of him to look out for the young man! But he should be careful, because Obama will just quit if this doesn’t pass, because what is even the point of living if this particular package of tax cuts and economic adjustments doesn’t pass? And then the presidency will be handed to that annoying kid who thinks he’s everybody’s friend, Joe Biden. Read more on Rep. DeFazio: Emo Obama Says Not Passing Tax Deal Could End Presidency…
  rumors on the internets

You Know Who ELSE Increased Taxes On Private-Equity Firms?

A Jacksonville, Florida, high school named after KKK founder and Real American hero Nathan Bedford Forrest voted to protect its name and all the white women forever. [Matt Yglesias] Meanwhile, Barack Obama wants to let thousands of white women needlessly perish. Help us, Nathan Bedford Forrest High School. [RedState] Read more on You Know Who ELSE Increased Taxes On Private-Equity Firms?…