Wonkette

Resident cartoon expert the Comics Curmudgeon stops by each and every Friday to guide us through the magical world of Today’s Cartoons. They tackle the issues of the day, then we clothesline them. Circle of life or some shit.

This week, Hezbollah saves New Orleans and Pluto, Disney’s intellectual property is stolen, and pirates brutally murder children. It’s all after the jump.

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• Tehran is ready to negotiate with the UN on a range of issues not named “uranium enrichment.” [WP, NYT, BBC]

• Poll shows most Americans are still plenty scared of Bin Laden. [CNN]
• Marines to begin recalling reserves to active duty, as recruitment goals fall short. [LAT]
• Aid money flowing to Lebanon having a hard time finding relief agencies other than Hezbollah. [NYT]
• Israel halts withdraw from West Bank settlements as Lebanon becomes focus of government apparently incapable of multitasking. [WP]
• Senator Hillary Clinton is dithering on a AIDS funding bill — either to get more cash for New York or to make herself look good in the south. [WP]
• Americans tired of Iraq, want to go home. [NYT]
• Richard Armitage, number two at the State Department, met with Bob Woodward around the time Bob Woodward says he learned Valerie Plame’s identity and top secret job. [NYT]
• Anna Taylor Diggs, the federal judge who ruled against Bush and his NSA warrantless wiretapping, is a card-carrying member of the ACLU. [NYT]
• More states adding online “meth registries” to help connect redneck speed freaks. [USAT]

• The generosity of Hezbollah goes as far as their copy paper and green ink supply will take them. [Sticky Notes]

• The good Photoshop guy must’ve been too busy making those Benjamins — it’s nothing a little Google image search for “Israeli boat we blew up” won’t fix. [The Jawa Report]
• Israeli things that may actually sink include President and horny horn-dog Moshe Katsav. [1115]
• Saddam Hussein is no rapist, no sirree — if you say so, he’ll kill you. Somehow. [AFP]
• Another lusty international criminal is Osama bin Laden, who wouldn’t have to rape true love Whitney Houston, once that pesky Bobby Brown was out of the way. [Gawker]
• Really though, all the aggressive sex stuff would go away with just a little broadband access. [Professor Bainbridge]

• The violence level in Iraq is at its highest level ever, with over 2500 roadside bombs detected in July. [NYT]
• The Lebanese government sends troops to the nation’s south in a creative attempt to save the cease-fire. Hezbollah gets to keep some weapons. [WP, BBC]
• The U.S. government wants a piece of the rebuilding action in Lebanon. [LAT]
• A 42-year-old American teacher was arrested in Thailand and charged in JonBenet Ramsey’s 1996 murder. Thai authorities claim John Karr made a full confession. [AP via MSNBC]
• Airport screeners’ newest weapon: Behavioral psychology. [NYT]
• Moron country singer kills tame bear. [AP via CNN]

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• Cease-fire still holding despite Hezbollah’s reiterated refusal to withdraw from southern Lebanon; Annan calls situation “precarious.” [WP, BBC]
• Hezbollah, looking to win the rebuilding process, offers lavish and extensive aid to displaced Lebanese. [NYT]
• Pluto retains planetary status, may be joined by such lovable meteors as 2003 UB313. [LAT, NYT]
• Over 3000 Iraqi civilians killed in July; Iraqi president’s compound hit. [NYT, WP]
• Gerald Ford hospitalized. [AP via MSNBC]
• Sen. George Allen: Wha’happened? [WP]
  

• The cease-fire in Lebanon held for a second day, despite reports of light Hezbollah missile activity, as thousands of displaced Lebanese returned to their homes. [WP] MORE »

• A U.N.-brokered Israel-Hezbollah cease-fire went into effect this morning, yet few believe that the cessation of hostilities will last. [NYT, WP] MORE »

• Ed Peck, chief of the U.S. mission to Iraq under Jimmy Carter, defends Hezbollah. [Hot Air]
• Talking Points Memo launches new sub-site called Election Central. [TPM's Election Central]
• CNN this AM: “In keeping with her mood and to reflect the world crises she tackles daily, U.S. Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice plans to play a somber piece of music to her Asian colleagues in Malaysia this week. ‘It is not a time that is frivolous. It is a serious time. I will play something that is in accordance with my serious mood,’ said Rice, who had just attended a conference in Rome aimed at helping resolve the Lebanon crisis.” [Crooks and Liars]
• “‘Malice’ has several definitions, but the legal definition that applies to homicide is ‘the intention or desire to cause harm to another through an unlawful or wrongful act without justification or excuse.’ It’s intent that’s at issue here, not evil motives. And there’s no question that doctors who perform abortions or harvest stem cells have intent aplenty.” [Political Animal]

• Michelle Malkin’s “Hezbollah is not my problem” syndicated column begins today. [Michelle Malkin]

• Red State honors Bush, tsks Frist: “Mr. Frist has shown us exactly the kind of leader he is–one absolutely willing to throw the leader of his party and his pro-life supporters under the bus for the support of the pharmaceutical lobby.” [Red State]
• The Angry Fag: “But if these sex offenders are so dangerous to require registries, notifications, electronic monitoring and other such things why are they being let out of prison at all? [The Angry Fag]
• “Without any kind of court verdict in regards to legality on the NSA surveillance program, the ACLU continue to stomp their feet, consistently labelling it as ‘illegal’ when there has been no official ruling of any kind.” [Stop The ACLU]

Vows to sit this one out too. MORE »