We all hoped he would run for vice president, with Ron Paul, or maybe run against Al Franken or something, but famous independent wrestler Jesse Ventura will instead host a teevee show about conspiracy theories. Today is just one big disappointment. [Seattle Times]

Good lord, people, who even knew we would be doing this, tonight?! Just think, drinking and watching some crap on the teevee and maybe just cold layin’ down some blogs. Oh yeah right that is just the normal life in America every single day … or it was, before the Economy Collapsed. Anyway, who knows what Walnuts! will do — not wear pants? Pick his nose and wipe it on Jim Lehrer? A vaudeville softshoe? Everything’s possible when you are an absolutely crazy old idiot. MORE »

Socialist villain Barack Obama has been endorsed by another group of Blame America First gay sellouts, those lazy clowns known as “America’s Firefighters.” The International Association of Fire Fighters is endorsing Obama at some fire in Las Vegas today, because the Democratic candidate thinks lazy firemen deserve “collective bargaining,” which sounds pretty communist, so that’s why John McCain is bravely against firefighters getting paid a decent wage. [CNN Political Ticker]

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of “filing false financial disclosures.” Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that’s complicated not because of the crimes committed — lots of bribery, basically — but because there was so freaking much crime to investigate. His indictment comes almost exactly a year after federal agents raided his home, and now he will go to jail and lose his Senate seat and remind everyone how evil the powerful Republicans are. MORE »

You people make us proud. Here is the “Big Sale On Truck Nutz” quiz team in the “Geeks Who Drink” competition at some bar, we think in Colorado. “My team was named in your honor,” reports Wonkette operative Seth H. “We didn’t win, but we did come in last place, hurray! Intentionally! Because last place gets you the same free round as first place.” And that’s exactly how the Electoral College works, too! [Geeks Who Drink]

Meet a brave American Hero: L.F. Eason III, the “29-year veteran of the state Department of Agriculture” who chose early retirement over the foul task of lowering the American Flag to half mast for the dead bigot Jesse Helms. MORE »

Ahem: “…There were two stars that were highlighted by the comet’s passage, Mirfak, and Algol. Mirfak is the elbow of Perseus’s sword hand. Algol, Medussa’a eye, has long been seen as one of the most malifec and evil stars in the heavens.