heroes
At last, the only endorsement that matters: George W. Bush supports… Obama, again?… no, the other one, Willard McScalp-o-tron. It must have been the tales of privileged schoolboy terorrizing that ultimately won over Bush’s heart. Gotta make’m earn it, the Bushes like to say. Anyway, Romney better get started moving into the White House right [...]
Stacey Campfield, rose-loving, gay-hating hate-mongering State Senator from Tennessee, who taught us everything (lie) we can’t un-know about AIDS, was, on Sunday, hurtled from a Knoxville restaurant. Apparently the old eye-for-an-eye philosophy was imparted therein, which in this case is PERFECTLY FINE: Martha Boggs, a hostess at a restaurant called the Bistro at the Bijou, [...]
A man named Ron D. of Loudon, Tennessee recently put up an auction on eBay that offered his services to anyone looking to embarrass Mitt Romney (FREE SHIPPING). The blonde-dreadlocked man is currently underemployed, delivering pizzas, so he could use some money. He doesn’t really have any past dealings with Romney; he just isn’t a [...]
Most modern-day interns spend a lot of time listening to hip-hop music on their iPods and refusing to perform any tasks that require actual intellectual or (gasp!) physical effort. How startling, then, that during Saturday’s awful massacre in Tuscon, one of these entitled Mileybots conclusively proved himself to be the Awesomest Intern In The History [...]
Why is Charlie Crist no longer welcome in the Republican Party? Because, when confronted by a common Waffle House employee pinned in a car crash, Crist failed to laugh at the man’s predicament or throw a dollar bill at him, “for health care.” Instead, Crist comforted the man and offered him water. Why doesn’t Charlie [...]
Illinois political legend and pyramid builder Roland Burris will not run for re-election in 2010, according to various Chicago street organizers. And, because he wasn’t elected in the first place, he will also not do that, run for election. This will be announced tomorrow at Michael Jackson’s Friday News-Dump Memorial Service, to be held deep [...]
TONIGHT, D.C. SPARKLES! “Barack Obama loves our nation’s reporters in D.C. He made jokes about them, but at the end, he proved he cared about America’s Newspapers. This president may be a hero, after all.” [AOL Politics Daily]
Everybody thought Rahm Emanuel was going to be such a hard-ass mobster for Barack Obama, but the actual strategy seems to involve Rahm personally saving people all over Washington every day, until everybody in town literally owes their life to Rahm. The superhero chief of staff saved a congressman yesterday, and not just any congressman, [...]
Shameless anti-Roland Burris propaganda organs The Washington Post and The Chicago Tribune are demanding that America’s first black president Roland Burris retire from the Senate and give up his position of chairman of the Joint Committee on Inspiring Generations to Come. [TPMMuckraker] This guy, Mike Quigley, is the favorite to be crowned Replacement Rahm Emanuel, [...]
You might have heard something about America’s new President, Captain Chesley B. “Sully” Sullenberger. He landed a plane on the Hudson, and was able to repeat the Oath of Office correctly, and now he is famous. Hooray! But how quickly America forgets its original Sully, a one Mr. Andrew “Sully” Sullivan, a Briton whom King [...]
Civil Rights hero Roland Burris is still in town, still hanging around Capitol Hill, and it appears his persistence just might pay off — if the racist Dixiecrats decide to let the old colored man become a senator, but only if he promises not to run again, which is called the “poll tax.”
