Wonkette

Wonkette operatives say the construction around the Heritage Foundation’s headquarters on Massachusetts Ave. NE has taken an ominous turn, first with the sinister barbed-wire-topped walls and now with what appears to be an actual moat around the building. Considering the vast gulf between public sentiment and Heritage Foundation positions — this week, the arch-conservative think tank is boldly defending “Subprime Lending: A Valuable Innovation” — moats may still be an effective way for feudal lords to protect themselves from savage mobs of poor people.

As we’ve learned from countless softcore movies on Cinemax, housewives are invariably hot young things always ready to have sex with Think Tank geeks. Today’s totally Not Safe For Work ad on Craigslist is from an alleged 32-year-old housewife who wants to get nasty with “guys who work at the Heritage foundation or other conservative think tanks.” She(?) continues:

I know I will get some email of someone accusing this of being some scam but it really isnt, I just have a real fetish for intellectual conservatives. That said I’m looking to talk dirty online and if its good enough and we click maybe meet in person. Married move to the front of the line. Don’t bother if you dont meet my stipulations I will not answer you.

Sadly, she isn’t looking for a copy editor. MORE »

• CIA confirms it’s still the evilest motherfucker on the block by firing DC blogger “Econo-Girl” for a post stating, “torture is wrong.” [Econo-Girl]

• The Brookings Institute focuses the full intellect of their army of PhDs and comes up with “it sucks to be poor.” [NYT]
• Cynthia McKinney and Cindy Sheehan: who got served? [Sweetness & Light]
• Web-editors of Hezbollah’s official website live in fear that one day they will forget to put “Israel ” in quotation marks, and find an envelope on their desks with more than a pink slip in it. [ Alghaliboun.net]
• Annoying Emergency Broadcast System “beeeeep” to be replaced by whatever annoying ringtone you happen to be using. Which actually might not be a bad idea. [WFMU; The Local]
• Why does the government spend so much money? You gotta pander to win. [Heritage.org]

Here’s a shamless plug (the very best kind): I’ll be debating National Review’s Jonah Goldberg tonight at D.C.’s Heritage Foundation tonight, on the very, very, very pressing issue of whether libertarians and conservatives can, like Rodney King and the LAPD, get along in the post-Cold War era the World War 3 era. The boozing begins at 6:30PM, the debate at 7PM, and the Brokeback Mountain-style hijinks will be going on all day (this is the Heritage Foundation, after all). MORE »

Bored with work? Still despondent over our nation’s shaming by Ghana? Your choices for free entertainment today include: MORE »

Some bad news from the West Coast: MORE »

The Heritage Foundation is committed to principles of limited government. But presumably they still believe in the fire department. This just in, around 9 p.m.:

My apartment looks out at the back of the Heritage Foundation building on Mass Ave NE. About 30 minutes ago I saw flashes outside that were a little too frequent to be lightning. I looked out my kitchen window and saw sparks and open flames (!) coming out of the side of their HVAC unit. After briefly contemplating the substantial societal benefits of the Heritage Foundation burning to the ground, I decided that the well-being of the night cleaning crew merited a call to 911. Several fire engines showed up and within a few minutes the fire was out.

So, that’s about it. Not really that exciting, but hey, I thought it might be a slow night at Wonkette Towers so I am sending a few pictures (attached).

It has been a slow night around here, so we’re grateful to this reader — and the Heritage Foundation should be too. Perhaps they can send him complimentary copies of The Heritage Guide to the Constitution and the 2006 Index of Economic Freedom?

(We know you guys don’t believe in handouts. But this guy saved your building from burning down — so really, it’s the least you could do.)

After the jump, two additional photos of the scene.

MORE »

At a speech to the Heritage Foundation yesterday, Laura Bush disclosed more about the White House’s unorthodox information-gathering methods. Speaking about the good that has come from Katrina’s aftermath, she said, “Maybe the media hasn’t shown us that much, but we’ve read about it and we do know about it.” Of course — they subscribe to the same relentlessly optimistic paper — The Bullshit Express — as the Chertoff household. “Public Swimming Areas Now Available for New Orleans’ Poorest” was the headline the day after it told them “New Orleans Dodged the Bullet.” And later, special guest columnist Barbara Bush observed many evacuees “were underprivileged anyway, so this — this is working very well for them,” headline: “Gulf Evacuees Say Group Showers the Least Humilating Experience Yet.” Yes, the Bullshit Express has been a font of stellar coverage, almost as good as their Alternate Universe Pultizer Prize-winning series, “Iraq in 2003: Mission Accomplished.” MORE »