heritage foundation
Kissin’ Congressman Vance McAllister Gets Honest on His Way Out
You may remember Vance McAllister, the family-values Republican from Louisiana who made sexxxy kisses all over one of his staffer’s faces, and then fired that staffer because her sluttiness was contributing to a hostile work environment or whatever. Welp, Vance has decided that he’s not going to run for re-election, and he’s also apparently decided […]
What If The Heritage Foundation Were Adapted To A Sitcom Format?
Just imagine the pitch: “Mr. Moonves, think Golden Girls meets Crossfire,” says the excited producer. The Chairman frowns slightly. “BUT with mostly guys,” the producer continues. Moonves looks mollified. It’s a go. Of course viewed from the outside, the Right Wing™ already seems like an increasingly surreal network television experiment gone spectacularly off the rails, […]
Jim DeMint Explains How Big Government Never Freed Any Slaves
Heritage Foundation head Heritager Jim DeMint took a crack at revisionist history last week on a Christian radio program, and delivered the somewhat surprising verdict that the federal government didn’t play a role in freeing the slaves. Instead, what did it was both the Constitution and the “conscience of the American people,” which will certainly […]
Ken Cuccinelli Tells Heritage Foundation Why Actual Winners Of Elections Should Defend Straight Marriage
As recently as last November, there was a chance that Ken “the Cooch” Cuccinelli might have been elected Governor of Virginia. He’d knocked good-kind-of-boring Republican Lieutenant Governor Bill Bolling out of the way by convincing the Virginia GOP to call off the primary and select its slate of candidates at a statewide wingnut convention instead. […]
Heritage Foundation Notes Food Stamps Given To Stupid College Grads Who Picked Wrong Major Like German Or Not Business
From excessive drinking to being high pretty much all the time to a wardrobe consisting of only pajamas, blogging college sure is a rockin good time. And, it helps you get a job that pays money, which enables you to buy progressively better whiskey, hoping for that one magical day when you can afford the […]
John Boehner Hates Free Enterprise Private Insurance, Thinks It Is Mean
Oh, Speaker John Boehner, you historically lazy sack of unnaturally orange suck. Even though you are in charge of the House of Representatives (sort of; let’s face it, everyone knows the teabaggers rule your world), you still haven’t found the time to edumacate yourself on how that whole Obamacare thingy actually works: “When you look […]
Ted Cruz’s Teabag Oprah Fantasy: You Get A Jesse Helms, You Get A Jesse Helms, Everybody Gets A Jesse Helms!
If you are a major political party that needs to lash yourself to a lifeboat of minority voters before the demographic tides suck you down to the bottom of the ocean, maybe one easy step would be to stop celebrating the dead racists that led you for many decades. Or you could keep talking about […]
Heritage Foundation Czar Jim DeMint Says Majority Of Americans Are Socialist Un-Americans For Liking Socialist Un-American Healthcare
Have you heard the one about how health care reform is the worst thing that ever happened to America (besides the gays, the feminists, the black dude in the White House, and birth control, obviously), and it is socialism and just like Hitler and will ruin freedom for everyone? OF COURSE YOU HAVE because it’s […]
Here Is Your Sponsored Content From The Heritage Foundation That Looks Like A Wonkette Post. Also Too Boobs.
Today, Buzzfeed won the Internet by letting the Heritage Foundation post a bunch of dumb fucking lie-gifs about Obamacare, which were total lies and not even true? That’s cool, Buzzfeed, we know you got that $100 billion investment to pay back, so whatever it takes, dudes. I mean, we hope they gave them money? It […]
Rick Santorum Thinks It Would Be Fun To Run A Movie Studio
As if losing elections for the U.S. Senate and the presidency weren’t enough, Rick Santorum now looks forward to driving a movie studio into bankruptcy! The frothy one has been named CEO of EchoLight Studios, a Christian movie company based in Dallas. Santorum was excited to get to work doing to movies what he’s done […]
Heritage Foundation Will Sacrifice Its Own Son, Obamacare, To Appease Angry God
Did you know that Obamacare is the worst thing since the Holocaust and 9/11 made love and gave birth to the BENGHAZI and IRS scandal twins? But rather than keep their promise to replace Obamacare with some other mechanism for providing basic health care to people, the GOP is intent on utterly destroying all hopes […]
Heritage Action Encourages GOP to Stop Doing Their Jobs
Earlier this week, the Heritage Foundation’s political activist arm, Heritage Action, actually gave some sound advice to GOP congressional leadership: “Don’t legislate,” Heritage Action said. We paraphrase: “Just go on ahead and stir up stupid asinine scandals about nothing, you are way better at that stuff.” And for once, your Wonkette wants to go on […]
