Tag Archives: henry waxman

  nice time!

Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen.

Hey ladies. How you doing? With your uncontrolled libidos, we bet you are slutting it up all over the place, so thank the Spirit in the Sky that you can get free government slut pills so you can be as slutty as you wanna be! But maybe you whoring whoremonsters need some representation at the highest level of government, to make sure that your silly little “rights” are protected from Neanderthals who view modern women as ‘sluts’ and ‘prostitutes.’ Where, oh where, will we find a heroine who will be able to articulate the need for women’s equal access to healthcare, perhaps one who has already faced about as much criticism from the batshit crazy right as would be possible? Well, wonkeroos, open your legs wallets for Sandra Fluke, who has officially filed to run for Congress in California!  Read more on Sandra Fluke To Slut Up Your Congress. Be Careful Out There, Congressmen….
  plenty of asses to kick in the private sector

Henry Waxman Leaving Congress, Has Had Enough Of Your Crap

Well, nuts, this is a genuine, bona fide Moment of Sad: after 20 terms in the House of Representatives, liberal healthcare superhero Henry Waxman and his unfortunate teeth announced today that he’ll be retiring at the end of his current term. In honor of his impressive cranium, may we suggest that the renovations of the U.S. Capitol be named the Waxman Dome? Read more on Henry Waxman Leaving Congress, Has Had Enough Of Your Crap…
  Science is not a dirty word

Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies

C. Everett Koop, the Surgeon General whose anti-abortion stance appeared to be a feather in the Religious Right’s cap when Ronald Reagan appointed him in 1981, but whose subsequent career as a crusader for science-based policy turned out to be a big black eye for the tobacco industry and gay-haters, died yesterday at the age of 96. Let’s take a few minutes to remember a man whose insistence on putting science ahead of ideology surprised the liberals who initially opposed him and flummoxed the Culture Warriors who eventually came to consider him a traitor. Read more on Public Health Hero C. Everett Koop Once Again Puts Biology Above Politics, Dies…
  la la la I can't hear you!

‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About

Stupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and extreme weather. They were hoping that heatwaves and wildfires and all kinds of other extreme weather would translate into some sort of motivation to DO something about it, but as usual, this rested on the assumption that the GOP would be interested in “doing something” or sensitive to “evidence.” But as we all know, the government just infringes on our freedom to buy lightbulbs when they “do something” and  “evidence” has no place in sober discussions held by the world’s most deliberative legislative body. So the GOP did what any sensible freedom loving political party would do, and refused to hold the hearing: Read more on ‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About…
  top-secret hacking techmologies

Jane Harman Doesn’t Know How To Work Her Wireless Router, Which Is Google’s Problem, Apparently

You know all those Google Street View cars that are methodically driving up and down every street in the world, including those in America, and taking thousands of pictures, just so you can get drunk and enter your ex’s address into Google Maps and sullenly masturbate to pictures of his or her house? Well these cars apparently pick up ambient Wi-Fi signals, and MIGHT have been recording them and putting them in the Google Database of All Knowledge, who knows? Consumer Watchdog, a “leading advocacy group,” is very concerned about this, and so they decided to draw attention to it the only way they know how: by creepily skulking outside the houses of members of Congress, and publicizing which ones are too dumb to put passwords on their wi-fi routers. Read more on Jane Harman Doesn’t Know How To Work Her Wireless Router, Which Is Google’s Problem, Apparently…
  spectator sports

Liveblogging Tony Hayward’s Flogging by the House Energy Subcommittee

Everything will be different once Henry Waxman and Bart Stupak firmly chide BP CEO Tony Hayward for that terrible mess he made in the Gulf of Mexico. Tony may even get sent to his room for a timeout. And then the oil spill disaster will be over, once the tears dry and forgiveness is given. You will not want to miss the live teevee testimony! Or, more likely, you do want to miss it — but you’d still like to learn & laugh together with your only friends, here at Wonkette. Let’s liveblog Scotland’s own Ninja Turtle, Tony Hayward, as he reads this prepared speech that has been posted on the Internet for hours now. Read more on Liveblogging Tony Hayward’s Flogging by the House Energy Subcommittee…
  cartoon violence

Your Friday Cartoon Explanatorium

By the Comics CurmudgeonI will not lie to you: Sometimes political cartoons can be confusing! Especially for you, the unwashed masses, who never got any proper art education in school because your elected officials decided that Americans needed to know more about “science” and “math” and a bunch of poindextery stuff like that. Fortunately, your Wonkette provides to you, free of charge, explanations of some of the more obscure cartoons, straight from the typing fingers of the world’s only professional cartoon explainer. Join us after the jump, and prepare to be AMAZED AND ENLIGHTENED! Read more on Your Friday Cartoon Explanatorium…
  important tense health negotiations

Waxman’s Health Care Negotiations Still Moving Gingerly! (Kill Us All)

Hey, remember that time a few hours ago when the liberal socialist Democrats and the fascist wingnut Democrats reached a “breakthrough” on health care? Well… eh: “Health care reform negotiations between conservative Democrats and Energy and Commerce Committee Chairman Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) collapsed Friday afternoon, a leading Blue Dog Democrat said. ‘It pretty much fell apart this afternoon,’ Rep. Mike Ross (D-Ark.) told reporters just off the House floor. Ross has been the lead Blue Dog negotiator in the committee.” Apparently Henry Waxman, being Henry Waxman, said, “Fuck all of you people in the butt,” and relations were strained! [HuffPo] Read more on Waxman’s Health Care Negotiations Still Moving Gingerly! (Kill Us All)…
  what demonry is this?

Amphetamine-Tongued Warlock Breaks Into Congress, Frightens Joe Barton

Comical Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s War on Gorillas intensified earlier today when he threatened to force poor, overworked clerks to read the entire 900-page Waxman-Markey energy bill aloud in committee, including his 450 obnoxious amendments about kicking Henry Waxman in the penis. Waxman responded by traveling to the seedy underbelly of Satan’s Hell to contract this secret Hessian mercenary, a “speed-reader,” on retainer, just in case Barton’s jackassery came to fruition. The speed-reader is clearly a muslin terrorist, and it is offensive to Dick Cheney for the liberals to allow him inside the United States Capitol. [TPM] Read more on Amphetamine-Tongued Warlock Breaks Into Congress, Frightens Joe Barton…
  martyrs

Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats

Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in America, worse even than those people who clean up murder scenes or give Rush Limbaugh enemas. Read more on Tim Geithner Suffers Through Late-Night Meeting With Angry Democrats…
  comic book superheroes

Waxman Will Run House Energy Committee, Dingell Will Run Nothing

Henry Wax Man, Man of Wax: as chairman of the House Oversight Committee, he has basically subpeonaed the entire Bush administration and asked them why they all suck so much. Henry Waxman rules! And now he will be taking his brand of California liberal ass-kickery to the Energy and Commerce Committee, where he just ousted the tragic Detroit toady John Dingell as chairman. Read more on Waxman Will Run House Energy Committee, Dingell Will Run Nothing…
 

Republican Rep. Tom Davis So Satisfied By Virgin Sacrifices

You know how the entire U.S. and maybe Global Economy is collapsing, right now? That’s all because people like Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo came up with the brilliant idea of giving huge mortgages to people with no down payment and no income and no credit, and then he immediately sold the mortgages to investment banks and hedge funds that chopped up the loans and sold them again and again, so that basically the entire financial system was propped up on trillions of dollars worth of doomed loans that Countrywide knew were worthless, and this whole shell game caused a real-estate bubble that has since popped, wiping out half the house equity in the nation, and meanwhile these same chief executives were taking home hundreds of millions in bonuses for pulling off this fraud operation. That’s why Virginia Congressman Tom Davis wants to make sure these subprime CEOs are treated very well during this difficult time. Read more on Republican Rep. Tom Davis So Satisfied By Virgin Sacrifices…
 

Is Iraq Corrupt? Don’t Ask Condi!

Mean people in Congress totally made Condoleezza Rice interrupt her usual routine by making her sit down and answer a bunch of boring questions about, you know, Iraqi government corruption, murderous Blackwater mercenaries, and a bunch of other stuff that she doesn’t know anything about. Ooooh… why does Waxman keep pestering Condi? Read more on Is Iraq Corrupt? Don’t Ask Condi!…
 

Blackwater claims its murderous thugs are independent contractors (1099) rather than employees (W2); now Congressman Waxman wants to nail this sinister mercenary army for tax evasion.
 

Rumsfeld: ‘I Do Not Recall Ordering Hit On Pat Tillman’

Rumsfeld had a “change of heart” and decided to actually listen to Congress and show up and deny killing Pat Tillman. These are funny times, as you can usually tell when the sacked Secretary of Defense testifies before a House Committee investigating the fratricide of NFL/Army hero Pat Tillman and the coordinated (but ultimately botched) conspiracy to hide the murder. Read more on Rumsfeld: ‘I Do Not Recall Ordering Hit On Pat Tillman’…