By the Comics Curmudgeon
I will not lie to you: Sometimes political cartoons can be confusing! Especially for you, the unwashed masses, who never got any proper art education in school because your elected officials decided that Americans needed to know more about “science” and “math” and a bunch of poindextery stuff like that. Fortunately, your Wonkette provides to you, free of charge, explanations of some of the more obscure cartoons, straight from the typing fingers of the world’s only professional cartoon explainer. Join us after the jump, and prepare to be AMAZED AND ENLIGHTENED! MORE »

Hey, remember that time a few hours ago when the liberal socialist Democrats and the fascist wingnut Democrats reached a “breakthrough” on health care? Well… eh: “Health care reform negotiations between conservative Democrats and Energy and Commerce Committee Chairman Henry Waxman (D-Calif.) collapsed Friday afternoon, a leading Blue Dog Democrat said. ‘It pretty much fell apart this afternoon,’ Rep. Mike Ross (D-Ark.) told reporters just off the House floor. Ross has been the lead Blue Dog negotiator in the committee.” Apparently Henry Waxman, being Henry Waxman, said, “Fuck all of you people in the butt,” and relations were strained! [HuffPo]

The week in books: Famous DC authors of disparate political affiliations will be reading from their non-fictions concerning various governmental issues. It’s true! And it’s an adventure starring Gwen Ifill, Henry Waxman, and Albert Camus. MORE »

Comical Texas Rep. Joe Barton’s War on Gorillas intensified earlier today when he threatened to force poor, overworked clerks to read the entire 900-page Waxman-Markey energy bill aloud in committee, including his 450 obnoxious amendments about kicking Henry Waxman in the penis. Waxman responded by traveling to the seedy underbelly of Satan’s Hell to contract this secret Hessian mercenary, a “speed-reader,” on retainer, just in case Barton’s jackassery came to fruition. The speed-reader is clearly a muslin terrorist, and it is offensive to Dick Cheney for the liberals to allow him inside the United States Capitol. [TPM]

Eek, would you want to be locked in a room getting yelled at by Henry Waxman for hours and hours? Because that is how Tim Geithner got to spend his Monday night, hooray! He has the worst job in America, worse even than those people who clean up murder scenes or give Rush Limbaugh enemas. MORE »

Henry Wax Man, Man of Wax: as chairman of the House Oversight Committee, he has basically subpeonaed the entire Bush administration and asked them why they all suck so much. Henry Waxman rules! And now he will be taking his brand of California liberal ass-kickery to the Energy and Commerce Committee, where he just ousted the tragic Detroit toady John Dingell as chairman. MORE »

You know how the entire U.S. and maybe Global Economy is collapsing, right now? That’s all because people like Countrywide CEO Angelo Mozilo came up with the brilliant idea of giving huge mortgages to people with no down payment and no income and no credit, and then he immediately sold the mortgages to investment banks and hedge funds that chopped up the loans and sold them again and again, so that basically the entire financial system was propped up on trillions of dollars worth of doomed loans that Countrywide knew were worthless, and this whole shell game caused a real-estate bubble that has since popped, wiping out half the house equity in the nation, and meanwhile these same chief executives were taking home hundreds of millions in bonuses for pulling off this fraud operation.

That’s why Virginia Congressman Tom Davis wants to make sure these subprime CEOs are treated very well during this difficult time. MORE »

Mean people in Congress totally made Condoleezza Rice interrupt her usual routine by making her sit down and answer a bunch of boring questions about, you know, Iraqi government corruption, murderous Blackwater mercenaries, and a bunch of other stuff that she doesn’t know anything about. Ooooh… why does Waxman keep pestering Condi?

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Blackwater claims its murderous thugs are independent contractors (1099) rather than employees (W2); now Congressman Waxman wants to nail this sinister mercenary army for tax evasion.

Rumsfeld had a “change of heart” and decided to actually listen to Congress and show up and deny killing Pat Tillman. These are funny times, as you can usually tell when the sacked Secretary of Defense testifies before a House Committee investigating the fratricide of NFL/Army hero Pat Tillman and the coordinated (but ultimately botched) conspiracy to hide the murder. MORE »

* President Bush presents his budget. Grover Norquist says, “Yay!” Nancy Pelosi says, “Boo!” [WP, NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani plans to run for President in the same clipped-sentence, homo-loving way to which he is accustomed. [WP, NYT]
* “Senator McConnell led his Republican troops off a cliff,” to make sure American troops could be led into Baghdad. [WP, NYT, LAT, USAT]
* Henry Waxman is the Eliot Ness to Dick Cheney’s Al Capone. [NYT]
* Making less than $100K a year qualifies as “American Poor,” with all the paltry handouts to which you are entitled. [WSJ]
* Sexy astronaut love triangle features adultery, assault, diapers. [LAT]