henry paulson
Remember when America was American as APPLE PIE, when you could call your congressman’s office and enjoy the patriotic vibrations of MICHELE BACHMANN’S iTunes playlist while you were put on hold? Those days are over, because Caliph of the House NANCY PELOSI has decreed strict Sharia law: Henceforth, all music is forbidden in congressional offices, [...]
At some point during Barack Obama’s press conference last night — toward the end, after summarizing the major works of the European baroque period, but before reading the entire text of War and Peace in response to a question about baseball — he told reporters to hold onto their pants, because Tim Geithner’s first big [...]
Money-printing liquidity trapper Ben Bernanke has been a Local Loser in recent months after rapidly cutting the federal funds rate to negative 1,000% to no effect whatsoever, except national embarrassment. He’s had to print Master Paulson’s money, alone, every night, as punishment. He is not allowed to shave. But as Paulson and his flack Neel [...]
The Dow Jones fell 679 points today, since it’s been a full six days since Paulson last introduced a new multi-hundred billion dollar loan or loan guarantee program, and everyone on Wall Street is a child: “The day’s news reminded investors, who last week were buying on a burst of optimism, that the economy is [...]
Treasury Secretary Hank Paulson announced a major shift today in the Troubled Asset Release Program (TARP!) — or, as the kids call it, “n00bama bailout $ocialism” — and we do not necessarily know to what the shift is. We know from what Hanky is shifting away, though, and that is the plan to buy toxic [...]
Oh boo hoo, yet another broke operation wants billions from Henry “Dollar Bill” Paulson: the state of California!
Newt Gingrich is a lying loser who hasn’t been in power for like 10 years. And yet, he still controls everything in the world. In the last week he’s been leading the right-wing rebellion against the bailout — yelling about socialism, ranting about the pushy Democratic leadership, calling for Hank Paulson’s resignation. We get press [...]
What’s it take to make this guy, our moronic tool of a president, seem like an ever-so-slightly sympathetic figure? Well, there’s the hilarious global dancing he likes to do, and then there’s John McCain. McCain parachuted into town yesterday and RUINED THE COMPROMISE that was at least going to maybe try to save the economy [...]
OUR BANKRUPT COMMUNIST NATION: “The best news for people afraid of ‘change’ is that the new president will have about twenty bucks to run the federal government for the next four or eight or hundred years.” [AOL Political Machine]
The Federal Reserve Bank and the U.S. Treasury just launched this great new website where you can force the government to buy your worthless old garbage, too! Somebody wants Paulson to buy this “used douche bag,” which is so gross. Wonkette has submitted a request for $1.4 billion dollars to cover an old HP notebook [...]
